Last week, we talked about financial abuse and gaslighting. On this episode of Financially Ever After, we’re diving deeper into the topic of gaslighting with our guest, Meredith Shirey. Meredith is the founder and practice director of her New York-based private practice, and is a psychotherapist who specializes in relationship issues through couples therapy. Today we’re talking about what gaslighting is, what to do to get yourself out of a gaslighting situation, and how to help someone who may be a victim. What is gaslighting? Gaslighting is when somebody makes you question your own reality. This is not a difference of opinion, this is a deliberate and malicious attempt to gain control over you. For example, secretly dimming the lights with their smartphone while acting like they don’t notice anything when you bring it up. When a gaslighter succeeds in making you question your own judgment, that opens the door to thinking like, if I can’t trust myself, then I must trust you — allowing that person to wield a lot of control and power in the relationship. Meredith shares some real life examples of gaslighting, and gives insight as to specific reasons abusers may choose to do this. Grounding yourself If you think you’re being gaslighted, do some simple grounding to remind yourself of your reality. Remind yourself you’re in your body. Remind yourself that you know your truth. Meredith shares some exercises you can do, like labeling items in the room out loud (“microphone, coffee cup”), or doing things with your five senses (What can you physically feel right now? What do you hear? What’s something you can smell?). Narcissism and gaslighting Narcissism and gaslighting go hand in hand. They like telling themselves they’re better than other people, that they’re superior. So if they’re feeling fragile or terrified, their way of defending against that is to act in ways that are very controlling. They have a need for attention, and sometimes they’re willing to get that attention in terrible ways, like gaslighting. What to do If you recognize that this is happening in your relationship, do not confront the perpetrator. Don’t think that you’re going to be able to change them or their behaviors by going toe to toe with them. Find a therapist who can help you work through this, but do not search on your home devices, in case they’re being monitored. Do not go to couples therapy. Go to individual therapy. The way couples therapy is held, it may enable the abuser even more — so this is something you need to do on your own. As an added note, be sure to go to a therapist instead of friends or family. A narcissist who gaslights will tend to rally people to back them up, and they’re very good at making sure these things happen behind closed doors so it’s your word against theirs. Helping someone else If you realize someone else is being gaslighted, be very mindful of not putting them in a situation that’s dangerous. Do not contact, confront, or engage the abuser in any way. When you bring it up, allow for a place of openness and transparency and no judgment. Do not validate the abuse, but validate their feelings and let them know this is safe and you love them unconditionally. Resources Meredith Shirey (LinkedIn) Meredith Shirey (Website) Psychology Today
— Read on francisfinancial.libsyn.com/what-to-do-if-youre-being-gaslighted-with-meredith-shirey
Tag: family
Toddler is taken due to Parent Refusal of Chemo :Custody Battle ongoing .
Spa Lé La Is A Los Angeles Spa Just For Tired Parents
Oh my , yes , yes, yes
Spa Lé La in Los Angeles offers treatments for tired parents including special services for pregnant and postpartum moms.
— Read on www.scarymommy.com/spa-le-la-spa-for-tired-parents/
78% Of Workers Live Paycheck To Paycheck. ✔️
Let’s take a look at Why, Who, Where and Why
Here’s what to do if you’re living paycheck to paycheck.
— Read on www.forbes.com/
Should “Parental Alienation” Be Criminalized? | Psychology Today
Yes
There may need to be consequences for a “parentectomy,” but criminalization is not the best route.
— Read on www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/inside-the-criminal-mind/201905/should-parental-alienation-be-criminalized
A releasing of what I was not knowing . 2006 Language of Babies
I personally had no idea of these facts , and heard each
sound , and knew it.. Did I then ?
I fought hard , and long to be there for our children .
The effort to just get along was thick with discrimination
like a 1940s , black and white . Nothing about me
had merit , I was a poor house keeper , did not bring
in revenue , but spent , a bookkeepers , accountant mentality
who did not participate in her drama.
I had her property, her creation , and so it was each
son was an asset to carry the family name.
That our sons where experiencing a targeted Mom
did affect them, as judgements , detachment were
normal in the contacts for networking .
So nurture was a sitter, school and tons of
activity and I was so not that.
Shunned doesn’t quite describe my experience
and perhaps I exposed myself , as rejecting it.
However , the professionals were educating
on detached parenting, as in allowing crying
for 15 minutes .
So , yea, I released a lot of regrets for not knowing
and allowing anything or anyone to guide me,
that wisdoms of ancients are best , when in
receiver ship of one’s highest self .
The adverse child experiences thus , come from
not knowing ?
We transcend that by knowing . I released my wounds
to the Universe , so many times and so many ways
I am weak , physically which is normal , in
a world in transition to the natural order
where babies have been coming in with ancient
wisdoms , that need no verbalization.. We are learning
that language, for those who have been induced in
varied mental states , by chemicals , made by
humans who profit on induction , rather that prevention
and cures that in harmony with our individual needs ,
survivors, of all that is dear, children , home, finances
the negative , catastrophic ripple is absorbed in all
of society that accepts this as normal..
As simple as hearing your new born, grasping what
harm is being done , on a soul level, but pushed
by a profession who did not know , or choose
not to know .
A huge question was answered , one I have researched
without success which I will discuss , in depth
ASAP.
This is a delicious Divine gift , my Moon 🌝 is in Taurus
and Mother gave me a huge gift 🎁.
WOW , a great day to receive , and release
as rain lightly sprays my windows like tears from
heaven. 🙏🏼👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼🙏🏼♥️♥️♥️🥰💡
Blessings & Peace ,
Doña Luna
Universal Sounds Babies Make, 2006
The song I was listening to on Pandora
Inner Journey – A path of Compassion
-Karunch couldn’t be found .
This is a sample of her Satam Kaur
Narcissist & Babies
Wow, just Wow……
Narcissist Father ? Save your child .
Again, I really had intense heart reaction
hearing what I sensed, too late .
It was a detached family trait, but
for 1 , for my time spent in the company
of..
I did not mind sitting at family diners
at the kids table ..it was a version of
family that was plastic and of course
I was treated like the surrogate , beneath
any honor , kindness , just tolerated .
Far too much within these traits ..
©️
Blessings & Peace ,
Doña Luna
Little Shaman ~ Narcissist & Children
This was disturbing , very much so..
I will have to watch it again, for clarity
and towards writing for a submission ,
before mid month ..
I am Thankful for this information .
Blessing on you Taurus New Moon.
It is my Moon’s home, balanced
harmonious , all home should be
in peace ..
©️
Blessings & Peace ,
Doña Luna
Sons of Narcissistic Father’s
Jealous is what I believe drove him to rape
6 days after the birth of child.
Marking his territory ; witnessing a profound
love and attachment .
Having to be told , to pick up his child.
None of this was normal..9 months of
his seething , feeling betrayed ..taking
no joy, only obligation in becoming a Dad
Acknowledging this in recent years , how
much he loves that word , in his mind clears
all of what’s discussed in this video.
Apologies , owing responsibility , healing
are not going to happen; nothing moves him
and that scared me silent ..
I have never ever witness anyone so void , so
self destructive, so holding his trauma .
A feminine version of this showed up for one
last lesson, in his alter masculine/feminine
recently and it was extremely enlightening
to grasp the inner views …
Adult children , witnessed addiction, co-dependency
alcoholic and co -dependence , ignored PTSD in
a highly superior , educated , successful maternal
for whom money is everything . No communication
about these major life efforts ,to her sons , with
holding ..friends instead , walking a fine line
having no support in lieu of a repeated lesson
of exactly the same amount of time.
Hearing this renewal on steroids ,after 6 years
where I would suddenly be blasted with negativity
that was so low energy , I gave er a go.
My reward was the takeaway , Understanding
the detailed thinking , planning , timing in
order to carry out plans , in exiting a current
situation ..Draining , yes .. the dynamics brought
my very essence up for a review by a toxic trauma
laden person , stuck, fear-filled , negative and
projecting .
Hours of phone , getting in a time warp
that I found disgusting , the afternoon came
and it ended .
Trusting in change , for her blueprint , is
close , I took myself out of the equation.
I have been on the receiving end of this
hysteria , shame and blame projected
you’re it, because I say so, from folks
who have no idea of the harm to self
and others . I was that person , medicated
floundering in what I sense ( time has ✅)
how my body, the whole of me responded
in core wounds that were not all mine,
but empathically felt..Add that to generations
of abuse in DNA ..I forgave myself, surrendered
all, and live a quiet peace-love-joy, balanced
life ..
Jealousy for this, not understand the personal
power advantage of being in this place , fears
of the harsh lessons inherit in non supported
states of change , like death .
Reviewing this, intensified this attack on me,
I get that..
I have great empathy and support , and know
what is desired in heart and head and soul
will win out , over who will take care of me.
I was forced to nurture myself .. ongoing , yes
and sacred ..
No one has permission to speak to me , in such
a manner, read my blogs . Bother to hear me
over your own inner voice, speak up at the time
of the infraction I might have made or trigger .
Puking those toxins out , spewing me as a target
give me a pretty good idea , of where your coming
from , but silencing ..and I cannot afford to be
anywhere in that space with anyone .
Ever again
Saying so much about inner thinking , I did
not mourn the failure , or lay in hope
of a reunification .
It is what it is..
I aim higher , shake it off and move forward .
Stirred , Shaken, but moving on..
Resolved to step out of the matrix that allows
one sniff of behaviors to be present ,
20 plus years is quite enough , 42, excessive
but so understood now , in all it’s tentacles
given the tools to rise above .
Gratitude to be on my way..
Sun is Shining , Birds are singing
as I step in to fresh food market day , 1st this
year , intent of bliss , seeing old friends
listening to music , a simple , drama
and abuse free heaven on earth..
©️
Blessings & Peace ,
Doña Luna
GreatCosmicMothersUnite 