As target parents, we do not foresee alienation from our child/ren. That is not because we are weak, gullible, stupid or ignorant. It’s because it’s not loving behaviour, and it is not something a mentally healthy parent would do. It’s not what we would do. There may have been signs (narcissism, for one) but still, we didn’t imagine the other parent would be willing to hurt the child/ren so they could hurt us. We hoped and trusted that the child/ren would be of the highest importance. Someone told me yesterday that a judge, before taking custody of his son, said the ruling was ‘against his better judgement’. How ridiculous! If the judge thinks it’s not right, then why make the ruling? He’s a judge! That’s his actual, paid job, to use his best judgement, and not make a ruling that goes against his best judgement. This father also described receiving letters with such statements as; ‘in the best interests of the children’. What hypocrisy! Family courts should understand that a loving parent does not badmouth the other parent, and have the child aligned with them against the other parent. A loving parent encourages and supports the child/ren in having a good relationship with the other parent. They do not coerce the child into fearing, hating and rejecting the other parent. This is psychological abuse. A parent capable of engaging in parental alienation will typically refuse to see the harm they’re doing or to collaborate in any way that’s helpful or remedial. These people do not change. They have poison in their own systems, and their parenting is pathogenic. We have to do all we can, when we can, to be the opposite of the alienator. We have to stay sane, we have to remain the mentally healthy parent amidst the pathology of abuse and lies, and a corrupt/broken healthcare system and appalling family court misunderstandings, rulings and theatricals. It helps to work on ourselves, to find understanding and some kind of acceptance, to be firm/know our boundaries, to be strong, to live a fulfilling life, to stay calm and non-reactive to provocation, to be happy, and to be mentally healthy – all the things the alienating parent is not able to do or be.
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