The ” victim ” always
Learning you’re involved with a narcissist quickly turns into an obsession that can destroy your life if left unchecked.
Take these common inquiries, for example:
Why does the narcissist lie, even when I have proof?
What will happen if I warn the new supply?
Why can’t the narcissist finally be a decent parent?
My narcissist hasn’t hoovered me, does that mean it’s over?
How can I make the narcissist obsessed with me?
…and so on.
It may not seem like it, but obsessing about the narcissist is a great way to avoid looking at your own internal wounds and subconscious motives.
What if, instead of obsessing about the narcissist, you began to obsess about yourself. Then, your questions might look like this:
Why do I feel that I can control other people’s thoughts and behaviors?
Why do I believe my unconditional forgiveness will improve things when it hasn’t made a difference so far?
Why do I want a future with someone who lies, cheats, and abuses on a regular basis?
Why do I still want this person to like me when I know I can’t even trust them?
How will remaining in this toxic relationship affect my children?
There are real risks involved when we don’t defeat the obsession we have with narcissists. They are not elusive super-stars who can be reached through some secret trick of the mind. They are not tortured souls who need a special kind of love and devotion. There is, literally, nothing you can do to change the narcissist or the relationship you have with them.
But, there are ways you can begin to improve your own life. And it starts by turning your focus onto why you want to maintain your relationship with a person who wouldn’t care if you were run over by a bus today. They won’t care if your entire family turns against you. They won’t care if you lose a loved one. They won’t care if you’re diagnosed with a terminal condition. They won’t care if you lose everything (and they will promptly leave when that happens).
Is this how you want to spend the rest of your precious life?
If not, make sure to grab your free Beginner’s Healing Roadmap here:
Your friend on the journey,
The narcissist views you as a feeble underling; one which provides them with wonderful supply. So, though they couldn’t care less about you as a person, they don’t want to give up the fringe benefits that go along with engaging in a relationship with you…albeit it a torturous one.
They won’t let you go because you are providing them with the things they need to survive as a narcissist. These things may consist of money, housekeeping, taking over the responsibility for their adult obligations, cleaning up their many messes, staying with them while they carry on affairs, and providing them a convenient receptacle for when they need to vent all their pent-up negative energies and rage onto someone.
Therefore, it does no good for you to show your vulnerability to the narcissist and, further, why they seem to dislike you even more when you show your very human emotions.
They want the benefits without all the damage control. They want you to just be quiet about it all and go back to the person you were before you discovered who they really are.
This is why, when you try to make them see how they’re hurting you, it is utterly pointless. In fact, it’s during these moments you see into the true core of the narcissist’s personality…and it’s chilling.
Nonetheless, in your mind, you love them and have bonded with them, and so you try to humanize them, believing they must think and feel the same way you do but just have a hard time showing it.
This is not the case.
They are nothing like you and no amount of unconditional love will change this fact. When we insist on believing the narcissist is like us, we are creating a story in our minds, writing the screenplay as we go along, thinking that with enough love and compassion, we will finally break through to the narcissist’s wounded self.
This will never happen and it’s important to accept this painful truth so you go about getting over a narcissist.
Learn how narcissists hook you in, keep you hypnotized, and how you can release yourself from the narcissistic vortex by joining me in my free webinar, 7 Proven Steps to Break the Narcissistic Spell.
Self-abandonment never leads to a positive outcome.
Not only does it teach people that they matter more than you do, it teaches your subconscious mind and wounded inner child that, as well.
Self-abandonment can look different for each individual, but here are some common examples:
- Caving after that 11th hoover when you know how things will turn out
- Modifying your own family dynamics to cater to someone you barely know
- Believing someone when they say they’ll do better and be better when they’ve already proven to you that they’re a liar
- Doing that uncomfortable thing in the bedroom and instead of securing the person you did it for, you learn it was all in vain
- Canceling plans with friends and family for a flaky person who’s already bailed on you numerous times
- Saying you like something when you don’t
- Forgiving someone over and over after they’ve already shown you they don’t deserve forgiveness
- You constantly give more than you receive
- You repeatedly try to control a person or an outcome and give away all your energy and time in the process
- You try to raise an adult when you already have minor children in the home
- You constantly ignore your intuition or internal GPS
Healthy relationships don’t require you or ask you to abandon yourself. If you feel like this is something you need to do, it’s time to re-analyze your relationships and level of self-love.
Always thinking of you. Xo
Isn’t it ironic?
Once you’ve caught the narcissist cheating, THEY won’t trust YOU again.
It’s like they consider it a betrayal that you discovered THEIR betrayal and will often successfully make YOU feel like the one in the wrong.
Thus begins the endurance test of blame-shifting and finger-pointing, with you as the accused. Once you discover the true character of the narcissist, you will be hard-pressed to make it through a single day where you aren’t accused of all kinds of wrongdoings… many of which are utterly absurd, but more importantly, entirely false.
Suffering from narcissistic abuse when everything you’ve tried just isn’t working can leave you feeling hopeless.
The one thing we all face after suffering through narcissistic abuse: that endless feeling of being hopelessly alone…that no one understands our struggles or heartache.
I know how you feel — I’ve been there myself – and there is almost no worse feeling in the world. The feeling that you’re in a never-ending nightmare.
But life doesn’t have to be that way.
I dug my way out of the nightmare, and you can, too, with the nurturing and transformative Essential Break Free Bootcamp – the narcissistic abuse recovery program that’s so effective, therapists are referring their own clients to it!
♡ ♥💕 Link in bio or https://bit.ly/3aPxo7N
I’m all about the energy. I’m all about energetic boundaries. I’m all about spending “energy bucks” wisely. I’m all about energy mastery. It’s doesn’t get more fundamental than this. Don’t lose another ounce of your energy to a narcissistic person. It only perpetuates a dysfunction of energy that keeps you distracted from your destiny and impairs your ability to sustain mental and physical activity. It literally KILLS your vitality and eats at your soul.
Never saw him as the package that included our sons .
Business of old , irregular , illegal is finally going to be resolved .
Surprised at the hold out ? Not I, I heard complaints over a $2 bank charge for him to automatically deposit my Spousal Support .. Of course he was relived of that , though judgements brought up his many car payments etc
Mentioned that he was to be responsible , however that varied ..the energy shifted and outcomes varied until the last hearing .
My words , he will never have enough of my money . It’s endless. I do not wish to question him due to his lying .
Initiate Partner Violence
Very few lawyers know this , and it’s not merely Domestic Violence when a marriage is obtained when the other is targeted as the abuser .
It has delayed the liberation of our 3 children and their children until recent events , allow that his WAR is HIS and I release him to that eternal war within .
Clearing this took so much effort and resistance, but upon my ancestors revelations and history I learned I had the honor of clearing this , and added to my vow to create a safe world for Harper Ann who will never have the abusive experiences of her ancestors.
Of course that applies to 5 grandsons too
There’s lots to heal and I know that’s imposing but the rising out of that trauma has a universal theme ..a drum beat and one just need surrender to their highest power and ask to be gentle in the release ..knowing I was ready to leap forward and end the never ending narrative of an abuser who is a victim and owns his power in money and has spent plenty to thwart my truths .
My healing has been tested these past 7 months intensely but my faith remains .
I am grateful 🙏 🥲
Love % Blessings
Dona Luna ✌ ✌ ✌