Getting to the heart of the matter- Child Psychological Abuse

I was in a conversation recently, and an explanation was given about why two daughters had chosen to live with their father and not their mother Now I don’t know if parental alienation is involved in this situation or not, I’m merely commenting on the opinion given. I was told: “I think all we need to know is that the girls left their mum so she must have done something wrong.” I spend my days creating these posts, even on my birthday, on special occasions, over Christmas, and when I hear this sort of comment, how do I feel? I’m not angry, I’m not critical, and I’m not even surprised at this point. People don’t get it, and it’s not really their fault. But I know, without a doubt, that I was judged this way myself, for ten years, and it just makes me feel even more determined to spread awareness about parental alienation. The misjudgement of others is not the sole reason for feeling this way. People judge and we can’t stop them from doing this. But if there was wider knowledge about alienating behaviours, it might not be quite as simple as condemning the parent who no longer has the children living with them, the parent who has a child who apparently ‘chose’ to live away from them or reject them. It’s not even ‘Joe Public’ who will really make the difference here. We need to get to the social services, the schools, the mental health world, the legal industrial complex of the family courts … we need those people in positions to help, to actually help. We need to change policy, to educate, we need these people/agencies to see through the charade and manipulation and coercion to ensure the child does not become as described in this post. These children are being hurt and abused and denied a relationship with a loved and loving parent. I’m not going to stop until this is widely understood and the millions of us who have suffered/still suffer are given the support so desperately needed. And especially for the children.
p.s. I want to do these posts, which is why I do them every day. I choose this. All I want to do is help.

charliemccready #9StepProgram #parentalalienation #parentalalienationawareness #highconflictdivorce #divorce #childabuse #narcissisticchildabuse #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissism #narcissist

Targeted parents , don’t see it coming

As target parents, we do not foresee alienation from our child/ren. That is not because we are weak, gullible, stupid or ignorant. It’s because it’s not loving behaviour, and it is not something a mentally healthy parent would do. It’s not what we would do. There may have been signs (narcissism, for one) but still, we didn’t imagine the other parent would be willing to hurt the child/ren so they could hurt us. We hoped and trusted that the child/ren would be of the highest importance. Someone told me yesterday that a judge, before taking custody of his son, said the ruling was ‘against his better judgement’. How ridiculous! If the judge thinks it’s not right, then why make the ruling? He’s a judge! That’s his actual, paid job, to use his best judgement, and not make a ruling that goes against his best judgement. This father also described receiving letters with such statements as; ‘in the best interests of the children’. What hypocrisy! Family courts should understand that a loving parent does not badmouth the other parent, and have the child aligned with them against the other parent. A loving parent encourages and supports the child/ren in having a good relationship with the other parent. They do not coerce the child into fearing, hating and rejecting the other parent. This is psychological abuse. A parent capable of engaging in parental alienation will typically refuse to see the harm they’re doing or to collaborate in any way that’s helpful or remedial. These people do not change. They have poison in their own systems, and their parenting is pathogenic. We have to do all we can, when we can, to be the opposite of the alienator. We have to stay sane, we have to remain the mentally healthy parent amidst the pathology of abuse and lies, and a corrupt/broken healthcare system and appalling family court misunderstandings, rulings and theatricals. It helps to work on ourselves, to find understanding and some kind of acceptance, to be firm/know our boundaries, to be strong, to live a fulfilling life, to stay calm and non-reactive to provocation, to be happy, and to be mentally healthy – all the things the alienating parent is not able to do or be.

#charliemccready #9StepProgram #parentalalienationawareness #parentalalienation #divorce #highconflictdivorce #coparenting #coparentingwithanarcissist #childabuse #narcissisticchildabuse #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissism #narcissist

Attachment Pathology- Craig Childress PsyD

Novi Sad, Serbia – 4/28/23

This is a pathology of lies. Everything – everything – surrounding this pathology is a lie.

What you take for reality, is a lie.

This presents as a custody conflict. That is a lie. One parent drives the family conflict into the legal system to abuse the ex-spouse by making it as hard as possible to see their child, and costing them thousands and thousands of dollars fighting in court.

It is financial and emotional abuse of the ex-spouse from a desire to put them on “trial” for being a bad parent (spouse) and making the targeted spouse-and-parent defend themselves against false allegations of being abusive of their child.

This isn’t about custody. Custody is simple. It’s either shared 50-50 or one parent gets school-week and the other gets every-other-weekend.

This isn’t about custody, it’s about pathology. A child rejecting a parent is an attachment pathology – a problem (pathology) in the love-and-bonding system of the brain.

The ONLY cause of severe attachment pathology (a child rejecting a a parent) is child abuse by one parent or the other. In all cases of court-involved custody conflict, a proper risk assessment needs to be conducted to the appropriate differential diagnosis for each parent.

All cases. It should be routine, and the diagnostic assessment protocol should be standardized at the highest professional quality. When possible child abuse is a considered diagnosis, our diagnosis needs to be accurate 100% of the time.

We can do that. We need to do that. We never abandon a single child to child abuse. Not one. We always protect the child from all forms of child abuses 100% of the time.

All forms.

This isn’t about custody. That’s a lie. This is about pathology and its treatment. Attachment pathology. We need a proper risk assessment for child abuse to the appropriate differential diagnosis, and we need an effective treatment plan to fix the attachment pathology displayed by the child.

A pilot program for the family court with university involvement for evaluation research would greatly assist in developing high-quality diagnostic assessment and treatment protocols for the family courts.

We need to end the fighting surrounding the child. This is not complex. It is simple. The ONLY thing that’s missing is the motivation to solve it.

That’s changing. I traveled to the Balkans because it’s changing there.

I encourage the professionals in Serbia and the Balkans to consider an APA presentation in 2024 in Seattle to inform your American colleagues of your developments in your approach to court-involved attachment pathology surrounding child custody conflict.

Come visit me in the Pacific Northwest in 2024. We’ll go visit Mt. Rainier and take in a Mariners game. I’m confident the APA would welcome an international submission. You have top-tier professionals working toward a solution. Work for a year, then come and tell us about it.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857

Entitled- Alienated children feel the targeted parent owes them

If and when we see a child who has been alienated, it can feel as if they’re doing us a favour. Or doing their duty. Or they think there should be something in it for them – a treat, a nice meal, an apology, hard cash … This sense of entitlement stems, of course, from the alienating parent. They feel we owe them too. We abandoned them, or we betrayed them, or we didn’t do right by them, or it’s all our fault. Whatever the scenario, it basically boils down to the same thing: the alienating parent, and therefore the indoctrinated child too, feels that we owe them. We should pay/be punished. We should pay – emotionally, and financially. That’s why it’s quite easy, given our situation to play along with this too and be so grateful to be given an audience, we do roll out the metaphorical red carpet. We don’t behave as we would normally because the time we have (if any) is so precious. It’s like the most unimaginably wonderful gift – better than anything that can be wrapped up at Christmastime with a pretty bow on top – to spend time with our alienated child. Alienation has turned everything upside down and inside out. It’s given the child the upper hand because we LOVE them so much. Because it is exactly our love for them that’s being played here. Teenagers might do this anyway, trying to get what they can from parents, but the alienated child has learned all the manipulative ways of the alienating parent. What it is hard, but nevertheless, worthwhile trying to do is not roll out that red carpet but just behave as we would as if the alienation had never happened. Plus this situation might have left us short-changed (emotionally and financially), rather than them. The alienated child doesn’t need a red carpet, they just need love.

#charliemccready #9StepProgram #parentalalienation #parentalalienationawareness #coparentingwithanarcissist #coparenting #divorce #highconflictdivorce #narcissisticchildabuse #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissism #narcissist #childabuse

Charlie Mc Cready , The “ Child Catcher “

Do you remember the sinister Child Catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? He terrified me when I was about the same age as the brother and sister in the film, Jeremy and Jemima Potts, especially when he abducts them. The character didn’t appear in Ian Fleming’s book but was a creation of the writer of some of the greatest villains of children’s literature, Roald Dahl and the director, Ken Hugues. In his long black hat, the Child Catcher searches the streets for children with a butterfly net, luring them to him with promises of lollipops. His horsedrawn carriage is transformed into a cage as soon as the children enter it, and he carts them off to prison under the orders of the evil rulers of Vulgaria, Baron and Baroness Bomburst. Their father Caractacus along with Truly Scrumptuous finally rescue all the children, topple the evil regime, and Vulgaria becomes a free country.

In many ways, alienating parents are like child catchers, and what they do is tantamount to a kidnapping. It feels like robbery, our children were taken from us with lies instead of lollipops. But we have to be so careful about the rescue mission. First of all they have to understand they’ve effectively been enmeshed/stolen from us. It reminds me of these quotes:

#charliemccready #9StepProgram #parentalalienation #parentalalienationawareness #coparentingwithanarcissist #coparenting #highconflictdivorce #divorce #childabuse #narcissisticchildabuse #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissism #narcissist

Psychosis Is an Expression of Early Childhood Trauma | Daniel Mackler – Mad In America

This is a perfect summation of trauma, born of abuses unspoken , ignored for decades , until life stressors bring it up for review and healing .

It was so with me, and I was powerless to prevent it , when medicated , I watched it going on with our sons..

With regards to myself and sons , the denial was and still is the foundation for Dad , as it has been his family code, and must be protected from exposure at all cost.

The signs have been there, and in trying to protect or get help , our family was erased and all the icky stuff , denied healing until it’s a monstrous mountain that’s impossible to surmount . Dodging the big stuff , only creates bigger stuff, and when everyone around you has unhealed trauma , denial etc , this becomes a normal set point .

We , as a family attended 1 family counseling session, and ex said he would not return.. not interested

Faith/church/religion was the same; NOT interested..

I came to know his lack of interest in me also, but I noted lack of interest in himself , and a very dark soul wound that drove his desire to be happy , elsewhere , creating a past that served his victim , survivor ” experience”

What makes psychosis confusing is that an eruption of infant trauma is expressing itself through the lens, the body, and the voice of someone who is now an adult.
— Read on

Why doesn’t she leave?

Wʜʏ ᴅᴏᴇsɴ’ᴛ sʜᴇ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ?

Because he has her so brainwashed that it’s all her fault and that she’s no good to anyone and no one will want her or love her and there’s no way she can possibly make it on her own.

Wʜʏ ᴅᴏᴇsɴ’ᴛ sʜᴇ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ?

Because she thinks that if she just tries harder and if she’s a better wife and a better mom that maybe he will be happy with her and he wouldn’t get so angry with her. And maybe he will be the same sweet, charming man that he was when they first met.

Wʜʏ ᴅᴏᴇsɴ’ᴛ sʜᴇ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ?

Because he has her convinced that if she tries he will hurt or kill her or her family. Because he has threatened to tell the judge that she is a bad mom and will take away her kids and she will never see them again. Because he has taken away her money and convinced her that she has no good job qualities to make it on her own financially and she will always need him.

More people are concerned with why women stay in abusive relationships than why men are abusing women. Unless you’ve been in an abusive relationship people have no idea how hard it is to escape. Abusers are able to fool those outside the home because they usually only abuse those inside the home.

They need your support.

They need your love.

They do not need your judgement.

Let’s raise awareness 💜

#domesticviolenceawarenessmonth #DVAM2021 #purplethursday

#befearless #lovedoesnthurt #abusenomore #walkingonabundance #thereisnolackinyourlife #UnityInPink&Purple2021 #Courage #BeBrave #ShowUp #StepUp #RisingStrong