Forgiving – PAS/Child Psychology Abuse

Forgiveness involves learning to let go, and that is of great benefit to you. Forgiveness helps you to focus on your happiness and the good things in life. It is a decision you can make – replacing ill will with good-will. While you may have envisaged revenge or ‘an eye for an eye’ (which leaves everyone blind as the saying goes), you can make a choice to find peace of mind instead. This is decisional forgiveness. On an even deeper level, and harder to achieve, there’s emotional forgiveness. That’s when you’ve completely moved away from thinking about the person/people who have done you wrong. You no longer hold any negative feelings or dwell on the offence, hurt and harm inflicted. Reaching this stage takes time, but it is immensely beneficial to your health and well-being. It reduces the self-pity and ‘victimhood’ mentality, and eventually, this can disappear completely. It liberates you from being triggered or stuck in a cycle of grief and anger. How to achieve this? Try visualising that person (this might not be pleasant or easy at first) and understand why they did what they did. Time and distance make it a little easier to be objective. Feel the feelings that come up. Don’t suppress them. Why did they do this thing? Would they have done this to anyone they were with (it’s not about you)? So this is their problem, and they will continue having this problem long after you’ve moved on and let it go. Can you see the place of fear they’re coming from? Remember, somebody else’s decision to hurt you was not your fault. Have you ever behaved poorly and upset/offended/wilfully or inadvertently harmed someone else yourself? Have you forgiven yourself? Were you forgiven? It could be you behaved poorly when you didn’t know better at the time. You may have behaved the way you did, said, felt and done what you did back then because you had given away your power, and you were just trying to survive and cope the best you could. You didn’t know how much harm or hurt it would cause. Forgive yourself. Forgive others who have done the same thing. Stick with this, it’s not easy. It’s not to forget. We might never truly understand why why they did what they did. We can’t erase what’s happened, or minimise it. Nor do we want these people back in our lives. We don’t forgive to help the other person who hurt us, but we do it to heal our own wounds. Forgiveness is really for us. What we can do is reframe our thinking about the harm caused, and our reaction to it going forwards. The other person doesn’t have to be present. Think it, feel it, or write it down, and let it go. Burn the paper and see it go up in smoke. Imagine it’s gone from your life. Now here comes the really tough bit. Send love to your persecutor. There’s logic to this. Imagine how good things would be if they felt love not fear, and were not constantly at war with life and with you. Imagine how much easier life would be for your child if the alienating parent knew how to love – themselves and others. How much easier would life be. People in pain often cause pain to others. Send them love because if they are healed, the alienating behaviours will dissipate. They’ll no longer feel anger and fear and vengeance, if they’re actually happy and full of love. Imagine that. They may never apologize, or admit to their wrongdoing, they may never be happy and have good relationships, but that is no longer your problem once you let go of the hold they’ve had over you, the grief and anger you’ve been holding onto because of the injustice and harm they caused. Practice forgiveness anyway for your own sake.

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The Personal Authority 9 Step Program helps my clients understand and deal with their alienated child/ren, the alienating parent, plus how to overcome the mental and emotional issues that they experience. This program can help transform your experience of alienation and how you live your life. Typically people experience a change in mindset after a few weeks. Please send me a message if you are interested to know more, and I can send you testimonials and further details on what the program covers and the benefits you could gain.




















Trauma Centric View of Mental Health

Beyond Psychiatry: A Trauma-Centric View of Mental Health

By Terry Baranski

Internal family systems therapy is a non-pathologizing method of working toward healing from trauma. The healing journey is therefore one of returning to wholeness by reconnecting with ourselves.

The beauty of IFS is that it’s fundamentally interwoven with every aspect of trauma: how trauma impacts us so dramatically, why our parts adapt to traumatic events in the ways that they do, and how they can be healed. While there’s no one-size-fits-all approach for trauma healing, my hope is that this quick look at IFS provides some context for how mental health can be approached in a very different way than is typical.

Prevention of Adverse Childhood Experiences-Mad in America

In a new article published in the American Journal of Preventative Medicine Focus, researchers lay out the American College of Preventative Medicine’s (ACPM) position on preventing and mitigating adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). While the authors endorse surveillance and research around childhood adversity, they recommend against screening for adverse childhood experiences in individual clinical encounters.

Through a synthesis of research and expert opinion, they put forward seven recommendations for preventing and assisting in recovery from adverse childhood experiences. They write:

“The American College of Preventive Medicine offers seven adverse childhood experiences‒related recommendations focused on screening, education/training, policy/practice, and research: 2 are evidence-based, and five are based on expert opinion. Notably, regarding secondary prevention of adverse childhood experiences, the American College of Preventive Medicine endorses population-level surveillance and research around childhood adversity but not adverse childhood experience screening in individual clinical encounters.”

American College of Preventative Medicine Makes Recommendations for Addressing Adverse Childhood Experiences

Know Mothers who do this and wives who are challenged by Mother-Son

Ex is still bound to his Mom and I’ve had to consider his reasoning in destroying relationships with sons was to thwart and sever our ” living connection”

But then he saw himself as the superior ultimate Dad/Mom and imprinted them early on . Our family was never more important that his Mothers requirements .

Of course his causal connection celebrated birthdays etc with money not his presence and I declined in competition with his detachment of being and giving

I believe this was an issue with the next supply as he became toxic and detached when she became so ill she couldn’t work and he had the responsibility of paying for her health care . Mentioning in court these facts and even how much she spent on bras !

He is still owned and still selfish even as he steals from me . That’s clearly not going to heal in mid 70’s and mid 90’s

His partner, his confidant is Mom who allows him to have relationships and listens to his complaints and supports his ending said relationship.

The other side

“Don’t stand there crying in front of my grave,

I’m not there, I’m not sleeping…

I am the wind blowing in the trees

im the diamond sparkle in the snow

I am sunshine on the ripe grain

I am the gentle autumn rain…

When you wake up in the morning still, I am the flight of these silent birds

Who spin in the sky…

So don’t stand there in front of my grave lamenting

I’m not there, I’m not dead!

Why would I be out of your life simply

Cuz am out of your sight?

Death you know this ain’t nothing at all

I just went to the other side.

Im me and you are you

Whatever we were to each other before,

We will always remain so.

Use the first name to speak about me

With which you always called me.

Speak about me just like you always did.

Don’t change your tone, don’t look all serious and sad.

Laugh like before at jokes that together we enjoy so much.

Play, smile, think of me, live for me and with me.

Let my first name be the comforting song it’s always been.

Pronounce it simply and naturally,

Without a trace of regret

Life means everything it’s always meant.

Everything is still the same, she continues, the cord is not broken.

What is death if not a passage?

Relativize and let go of all the aggressions of life,

Always think and talk about me around you and you’ll see,

Everything will be alright.

You know, I hear you, I’m not far, I’m there, just on the other side. ”

Mary Elizabeth Fryer

Stella Davis – 1937

I had no idea of the content of this movie before watching it and it was so sad , I cried .

It concerns the mother – daughter relationship in which the Mom gave in to releasing her daughter to her Dad who remarried and was very secure and supportive of daughter .

The last scene is the daughter’s wedding and it moved me to tears .

I was not allowed to attend a wedding of any of the 3 sons I shared with the partner / husband whose win was vital .

I’m sure as I heard later in another family function , ex MIL was asked if it was ok if I attended an after party . The event was the Christening of granddaughter . I wasn’t allowed to attend her birthday party the day before , buying her Christening dress and a pearl bracelet was allowed . Taking chocolates to the Priest who remarked he preferred wine .

Exactly why I brought chocolates 😎

The then partner of the ex refused to attend if I were allowed .

Her Mom died ,and she had to travel out of town.

The paternal grandfather had his wallet stolen in the parking lot of the cathedral! He was not ever nice to be around , and even less so for his loss of money etc.

The ex MIL sat beside me and he on her right ; and as we sang a song of welcome, I looked her straight in the eyes allowing her to make the gesture . It was a ” draw” but she was aware of my intention as I quickly sat down .

I noted these things 2013 Neither brother nor their family attended the Christening because I was there .

I honked the horn , and maybe called for son to come out and get gifts , which he did.

I did not give up , nor am I giving up now , I’m ending the cycle of such distortion as to test the soul . I am ending being a target by a vicious , retaliatory, distorted ex partner who wishes me dead and would do anything to do me harm .