Tag: Narcissist

Spirituality

Tested time after time , my surgery and recovery are yet one more hurtle .

I’m better but have a ways to go and my faith and determination are solid .

Magical people assist me and come into my life wherever I am and I’m gratified

What falls away is supposed to to make space for what’s in my best interests now.

I used to worry what did I have to offer , what was my worth and how could I best serve ? After years of being targeted by distortions to protect unspeakable abuses , I had to learn again I am love and I bring love and not everyone has the eyes to see and the heart to accept me ❤️

This surgery has brought me to a place of comfort and peace and patience because of the very special and unique earth angels that are at the ready to stand beside me and support me and that’s beautiful; money cannot buy happiness or these bonds that are of value beyond that I have known in the past . With the exception of the Heaven on Earth I knew as a young Mom I have never known that love ; the sweetest ever and that challenges the distorted , greedy and controlling.

I know I’ll be on my own and that’s ok until the man shows up that has a hand for my back and no knives to harm me . It’s hardly a consideration now as I fight to regain my physical strength and return to my room and seek my home 🏡

Medical treatment this time around has twice opened the door to psychiatry which I politely slam shut just as I reject the common offer of chemo for 1 cancerous polyp.

# I Got This

Mother in Law

The war never ended from her possession of her son . I gave up after years of trying ; once sitting with her and stating that it was ok if she didn’t care for me , that we could have some semblance of a relationship. She replied ” as a Christian, I’ve never met anyone that I didn’t like ” .

I understood her from that point on and witnessed her get hands on and loving towards our sons when someone was watching .

She was abusive to me openly and it was witnessed and he said nothing in my defense for it was very uncalled for .

I watched her smack at her 90 year old Mother’s hands for getting flour on the floor when making biscuits!

I believe her eldest children experienced a lot of trauma at her hands and he alluded to my having no idea .

I believe he found his Dad weak to her as she called him Mr _____ and he allowed her to rule . As he faded out , she lamented the place’s they would not be able to travel and her health challenges but how she couldn’t do her thing for taking care of him . His obit declared her a Daughter of the Eastern Star and he a 32nd degree Mason which I was unaware of ! Why the secret ?

She talked so sweetly to her daughters and never once had that tone with me .

Inviting her and sister in law to cook outs at our home stopped when the 4 huddled in one area as if too good to mingle with my parents.

My Mom’s Mom died close to Thanksgiving and we were eating at her house and as she said the prayer my Mom began to cry and had to leave the table , which was met with shame from her and I was so stunned I just sat there .

So as his partner and confidant I was used as leverage and as his ” crazy” drugged and vulnerable wife whom he just offered was sick or didn’t want to attend a family function , when he was ready to jump in with the new supply, she was totally supportive and our sons became possessions that could not betray her or their Dad by being in anyway supportive or compassionate toward me .

Mother in laws , aunts and wives have assumed the mother toll, discouraging any healing or connection with me as they admire her wealth and longevity. She is quite an artist and I’ve been told of her abuse towards our sons that was uncalled for .

I’m sure she feels she has a place in Heaven but to me she is demonic and hides under her know it all attitude and money/power .

I long ago allowed her to know I was not impressed and found the bond between she and her son unholy . He’s attached to her so deeply and it proved to destroy his relationship with his twin , another 20 years of leveraging a woman to get Mom’s favor and execute her finances !

God only knows what he’s pocketed , for anything he touches and wants belongs to him .

What a house of cards !!!

Mother In Law – Ted Talks

youtube.com/watch

Best Homemade Electrolyte Drink

I am very easily dehydrated and am there now , as weak as I’ve ever been. Flash backs to the psychiatric drugged years when in family , no one noticed or cared , falling in alignment with partner-abuser . I went in and out of believing I wasn’t worthy of love or compassion but thankfully Divine Intervention kept me alive .

Harsh reality has been the continual decline to worthy of our children’s love , consideration or affection which was pronounced last year with a business partnership that nearly wiped me out coming down November 23 rd and continuing through out 2022 .

I had many peaceful Christmas in my own space but being in a motel since May 1 ,2022 has been stepping backwards and acknowledging that the interference has a very strong recoil for those who instigated and ignored their responsibilities.

More on this later as well as how to do organic ” blood transfusions ”