A new decade , Thankfully the veil is being lifted from many
horrific , #erasingfamlies influences , including the parent
who must win at all cost.
Walked away Dec 27th 1998
Feb 28 th 1999, I had an *induced* suicide attempt .
* He still prefers to think I wanted to die over loosing him.
Fact : Shrink prescribed 3600 mg of an opiate per day *inducing suicide
My Mom died April 9th 1999, after 5 years of heart disease .
Our middle son graduated from high school in 1999.
I was removed from our family home , which he held on to for 2 more
years , so our youngest had a home base to finish high school , and not
live with him in his new gals place ..( one fact that never came up )
I agreed to a condo, to avoid a rental apartment . Stating there was no
equity from our home , denying me a home of my own , I settled for 4
levels , and mourned in deep medicated grief until 2003 , when our 1st
grandson was born ..Red flags , began to assail me…I had to wake
from the chemical straight jacket , and abuse .
In 1999, our Christmas was drastically altered , 21 years of tradition
of which due to my very ill state , I missed the last 5 years . Celebration
with my adult abusers just did not resonate in any form of Christianity
that I knew to be just.
He chose to spend his Christmas with his new gal and her children..
Much like a wake, our grief tangible , our 3 sons and I were guest
via my younger sister , for a buffet . Normal was blown .. in addition
to my medicated toxic state , the experience was a trauma revisited
from my childhood , when age 11/12 my parents , split at Christmas.
He was aware of this but , determined to be happy , after putting a roof
over my head for 21 years and 3 sons , I was disposed of , like the Persian
cat , he dumped a few years before .. on top of my mountain.
The mountain , we visited 20 years ago , in such shadow , has been
my home for 9 solid years .. I have grown in an environment that allows
me the freedom of not being followed or watched .. I’m a possession,
a threat to his past , that he chooses to keep skipping out of …a life’s work.
Bankrupting me , encouraging by demise , utilizing our sons/family
shame, finances , law, he contractually made promises ..The facts are clear
and still present danger that he has no intention of stopping his
party ever waiting , his happiness , his awakening or not .
Holidays were met by silence ….While my personal grief is real
I am shown , I am defiantly on my own , little more than a surrogate
a mother long since dead to her sons ..
I’m left to complete this cycle on my own as well, as I expose the
many reasons , why I have been forced , induced by my abuser
to stay quiet until I had enough , which Thankfully has been exposed
in this finale of ChildAbuse , Domestic Abuse , being excused
and supported ..
So there is no party, only acceptance that my very survival depends on
stepping out of this triangulation, still supported by Mother/Son partners
till infinity.. pushing I am not family for 43 years , I was allowed to
marry him that he could better fit in …
Blessings & Peace ,