Why Narks fake Intimacy

Perhaps some , distorted

folks do fake intimacy . The

fact is it never existed on his

part, ever ! I knew that was

the place we needed to go

to succeed; it never got there .

It was good insanity to lies

his war , his lies , his

addictions .

It took , years to face that fact

and realize that smut and

pornography, swinging and

drinking at every opportunity

with no growth whatsoever

in our marriage . End Game

I considered options and

internalizing his rejects , lack

of support with expectations

that our home was in perfect

order and our lives were to

be envied .

Never Knew Lonely as deeply

and began to know how

weaponized he would make

every body and everything

I held sacred and holy .

In the 2 decades since he

released himself from any

and all emotional ties with

me , all that remains is hatred

and the continuation of my

living death so truths die with

me .

There was a beginning .

There is an end .

His WAR belongs to him as

liberation has released each

if our family to peruse their

lives as they wish .



And in between Thy Will Is


Blessings & Peace ✌️

Dona Luna


Silence/ Blocking

Once I give you silence

I’ve nothing left to say

I’ve retreated to my darkness

I’ve moved out of your way

Silence is my blessing

Silence is my curse

And once I pass it on to you

I’m finished with the words

There’s nothing left to be said

And nothing left to do

When I retreat in silence

Just know I’m really through

I’m sure you feel the distance

It’s tangible, it’s real

Because I’ve got nothing left for you

There’s nothing left I feel

Just the ghost of aching sadness

A memory, a dream

Like something I’ve forgotten

As I’ve forgotten how to scream

Once I give you silence

I’ve blessed you with my curse

I’ve moved on to better things

And I’m putting myself first.

~Mandy Kocsis©2022~

Narcissist and it’s Discontents

This Ted Talk with a specialist

rocked my world about 4 days


After being exampled yet again

at very high cost to me,

listening to her ,I am sure to

be more discerning about

my energy and luxuriant

in every minute of drama

and trauma free peace.

That’s most disturbing of all

to this narcissistic epidemic;

They know not Peace !


Emotional Partners : Using Children for emotional support


Being Blunt with the Distortions of a Narcissistic

Years of experience, wasted efforts ,and core needs abused.

6 years in , it was undeniable

With 3 sons 6 and under and

no income or money or place

to go to , I had the awareness

that I would receive little from

him .

To a degree , I did not feel I

would ever trust or love again

and I did not want another

man ” fathering 3 sons ” who

were possessions of our Boss.

Just as he considered me ,

examples had accumulated

beyond denial .

*Coming home from work

and announcing a trip to

Germany with his childhood

friend who had no morals

and I was aware of his willing

participation in whoring

with his Bud . Later he would

share his experience through

his friends name to me .

I knew but had to ignore it

for the sake of our sons .

When I did discuss it with

the wives of his friends it was

” normalized ” ; these ladies

were professionals , mothers,

living well , designer cloths

and always had a cocktail in

front of them .

I did not fit in his world and it

was all he knew and there was

stagnation ,no growth and no

intimacy. Slow and painful

death . The abuses increased

after building our home upon

his acknowledgment that he

had over extended himself

and his obligations were not

allowing his personal needs

wants and desires .

And then there was that ever

present , never ending toxic

bond with his Mom .

Is WAR cost our family dearly

and has largely been ignored

legally ; and I grasp his

winning trumps the needs of

our sons and grandchildren

for I am dead to him , he has

never ” been interested ” .

Sadly all that perceived on

highness , mask a dark ,cold

calculating shadow at War

with light , growth ,forgiveness

letting go , equality balance

accountability, responsibility .

I came into his life in peace

trust , love and divinity , only

to be cut off and disposed of

upon finding his next

companion who relished

the strategic targeting , spell

work , lies etc

Nearly dead , ran for her

life ,forgetting her salvation

and redemption ,still joyful

to denounce me .


Saying Good Bye to a Parent

When you say goodbye to a parent.

You are suddenly living in a whole new world.

You are no longer ‘the child’ and regardless of how long you have officially been ‘grown up’ for, you realise you actually never were until this moment. The shock of this adjustment will shake your very core.

When you have finally said goodbye to both your parents, assuming you were lucky enough to have had two. You are an orphan on this earth and that never, ever gets easier to take no matter how old and grey you are yourself and no matter how many children of your own you have.

You see, a part of your body is physically connected to the people that made it and also a part of your soul. When they no longer live, it is as if you are missing something practical that you need – like a finger or an arm. Because really, you are. You are missing your parent and that is something far more necessary than any limb.

And yet the connection is so strong it carries on somehow, no-one knows how exactly. But they are there. In some way, shape or form they are still guiding you if you listen closely enough. You can hear the words they would choose to say to you.

You can feel the warmth of their approval, their smile when a goal is achieved, their all-consuming love filling the air around you when a baby is born they haven’t met.

If you watch your children very closely you will see that they too have a connection with your parents long after they are gone. They will say things that resonate with you because it brings so many memories of the parent you are missing. They will carry on traits, thoughts and sometimes they will even see them in their dreams.

This is not something we can explain.

Love is a very mystical and wondrous entity.

It is far better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all and grief, grief is the price of that love. The deeper the love the stronger the grief.

When you say goodbye to a parent, do not forget to connect with that little girl who still lives inside you somewhere.

Take very good care of her, for she, she will be alone and scared.

When you say goodbye to your parents, you lose an identity, a place in the world. When the people who put you on this earth are no longer here, it changes everything.

Look after yourself the way they looked after you and listen out for them when you need it the most.

They never really leave.

Donna Ashworth

From ‘to the women’: https://tinyurl.com/ye9f93zd

#fathersday #griefpoetry