Grieving is the healing

Healing work is grief work.

Shadow work is grief work.

Grieving is the healing.

Without grieving, we obstruct the flow of the divine intelligence of life that wants to move through us and pull us into deeper alignment with our greatest aliveness.

It’s no small thing.

We are taught to be afraid of our grief because it is wild and untamable.

It reminds us we are in a co-creative relationship with something greater than us, something we cannot control; a higher power that isn’t so petty as to judge us for our human foibles.

In cultures where the wildness is conditioned out of living, where death is feared into an industry, this very necessary and innate aspect of our humanity keeps us from experiencing all that we really long for.

Where there is joy, there is grief.

One of the reasons joy feels so vulnerable, or even opening to love again, is that awareness of the grief that lives inside of it. Inside of our vulnerability, inside our love and attachments, inside the shame (fear and grief) that arises to remind us of the ephemeral nature of all things.

When we embrace the process of grief, we can more fully and fearlessly embrace our joy too.

We also become more skilled at letting go of the things that we need to let go of, that pull us away from love.

We no longer have to wait until we are free of shadow or pain or loss or mourning to get on with our flourishing.

Our joy and flourishing is not a disloyalty to our grief and loss, but an honoring of if, of what was and how we loved.

And, it all has it’s own wise timing that cannot be rushed.

In the myth of the Phoenix, a potent symbol of rebirth, there comes a time in their life where they know it is time to complete a cycle. The phoenix then builds a nest (a funeral pyre) and with a clap of its wings, goes into flames and, perhaps like caterpillar soup, is remade in the alchemy of the fire.

As it rises out the ashes, the ashes left represent salt, or that which cannot be burned, the life force of life itself.


The phoenix uses myrrh to create an egg out of the remains. And, then, takes this egg and leaves it on the alter of the Sun God as an offering and a prayer for creative regeneration, for more life and in gratitude for what was.

In this myth, there is a recognition of death, of a time to complete a cycle. To give something up.

Usually, we experience through loss, the death of a loved one or another initiation of loss.

But we are often also asked to give up our patterns, attachments, beliefs, worldview identities, cultural paradigms, hopes for the future, dreams, longings for what will never be, or even the expertise we cling on to when life wants us to expand into more possibility.

Recognizing this space, the phoenix knows it must sacrfice what is precious in order to generate more life.

It offers the bones, the salt, the life force of life itself, that which cannot ever be destroyed, to the altar of the divine to create more wholeness.

This is our own personal spiral of grief, where we enter the spiral through loss and change, recovery or healing crisis, where we must let go.

Into that fire, we offer what needs to be recycled in order to be reborn into something new. We make a sacred offering of what feels so precious to us in order to receive our wholeness in return.

We learn what our relationship really is with the unknown, what needs to be healed there.

We meet the ache that never goes away, the pain of grief and longing and joy where our wound and Eros, God, dances in our continual becoming.

The more we embrace that this is a natural cycle of humanning, the less we have to “work” on ourselves like projects on a “to do” list, because we come to trust the natural cycles of our soul’s evolution.

In intimacy with the ache, we understand what is needed, what our particular Chironic medicine is cooking up within us, what to leave at the altar of the divine, how to spread flower petals with tears of our prayers and come back into resonance with what can never, ever be destroyed that is always living inside of us.


Art by Kirstin McKinzie

Dr. Mia Hetényi


The advice from Dr Spock was to let baby cry up to 15 minutes . I tried this not knowing these horrific results .

There have been many advisors promoting detached parenting which is NOT what babies or children need not deserve .

Single Married Mama who had to be in the glow with a partner who had no idea or interest in parenting . Comfortable with brotherhood or uncle status that did not teach our sons well .

I regret not stopping everything to hold my baby , co sleep and had better intuitive skills that would have not allowed our sons to be alone with certain energies who masked many secrets

Crying it out: the foundation for NPD and BPD

(Borderline Personality Disorder

and Narcissistic Personality Disorder)

“One of the ways children have to adjust to a new order is called ‘letting them cry themselves out’.

The Mother puts the child into the crib at night to sleep. It is bedtime. But the sense of aloneness and the loss of contact with the mothers body terrifies the child, who begins to scream and cry.

No animal mother would fail to respond to a baby’s cry. Some human mothers believe, however that to respond would be wrong.

To give in to a child’s crying will spoil the child.

Besides, they have been told, crying is good for a child…

The first time this happens the child might cry for hours before falling asleep.

The mother might think the child has learned a lesson, but, the child doesn’t have the energy for a repeat performance…

After several experiences of this kind, the child learns to give up the struggle for contact with the mother. In effect, the child has cut off the longing for his contact and so no longer feels the pain of frustration.

A new reality in which the desire for intimacy and closeness is not expressed, has been accepted.

The foundations for narcissism and the borderline personality have been laid.”

Alexander Lowen,

Narcissism, Denial of True Self

The Great Reset vs New Earth

Jesus spiritually never left this planet ! Many have accepted their spiritual beliefs over religious beliefs and the religious zealots made that happen.

Using the Bible , a collection of writings that has been rewritten to serve the patriarchal society to create fear has lost its attraction. Many are in this mindset and best be avoided in lieu of the reality of combining or pulling Heaven to Earth which is ongoing and will happen .

Having known Heaven on Earth and the shadow energies that do all in their power to imped this awakening and embodiment of true spirit are inviting their own negative experience which they share like this guy.

One Dark Force to worry about ? One Dark Force to fear?

Faith in Divine , that is all there is , despite the horrific experience fostered by the believers of false beliefs and idols is the Alpha & Omega .

The destruction of those energies who are corrupt is self inflicted ; let them go.

You Do You with TLC

Blessings & Peace ☮️

Dona Luna

Childress : Child becomes “regulator object for NPD/Borderline Personality


I had my own notion of grief.

I thought it was the sad time

That followed the death of someone you love.

And you had to push through it

To get to the other side.

But I’m learning there is no other side.

There is no pushing through.

But rather,

There is absorption.



And grief is not something you complete,

But rather, you endure.

Grief is not a task to finish

And move on,

But an element of yourself ,

An alteration of your being.

A new way of seeing.

A new definition of self ..

~ Gwen Flowers ~

Artist Credit : Sue Davis


Grief doesn’t just go away after a person has died.

Grief will show its face on a Tuesday afternoon, even if the first half of the day was manageable.

Grief will follow you through the grocery store.

Grief will turn the volume up on their favorite song that plays on the radio.

Grief will take the empty seat at the dinner table.

Grief will fill your dreams at night, while you try so hard to just get some rest and escape the daunting reality.

Grief will ring in your ears as you shower.

Grief will buckle your knees when a random familiar scent passes your nose.

Grief will come and go as do the waves of the deepest oceans.

-Jessica Traczynski

Grief , Sorrow, Loss = Strength

In the Lakota tradition, a person who is grieving is considered most wakan, most holy.

There’s a sense that when someone is struck by the sudden lightning of loss, he or she stands on the threshold of the spirit world. The prayers of those who grieve are considered especially strong, and it is proper to ask them for their help.

You might recall what it’s like to be with someone who has grieved deeply. The person has no layer of protection, nothing left to defend. The mystery is looking out through that person’s eyes. For the time being, he or she has accepted the reality of loss and has stopped clinging to the past or grasping at the future. In the groundless openness of sorrow, there is a wholeness of presence and a deep natural wisdom.

Line Em Up – James Taylor

Of course I’m a huge fan , my Dad and 2nd son are named James , which translates to supple-mentor.

A deceased soul mate was also named James and died of extreme complications from years of IV drug use .

The detached upbringing and loss of both parents ; created this grieving soul who captured my heart in a bond that I could not escape . Addiction to this addict did not resonate and I married for several weeks to break the tie that bound me . I had experimented to better understand and it did not please me and it was easy to abstain except for “pot”.

In marriage it was the same , an occasional Valium , or smoke.

Sleep was threatened from the get go , with intense snoring and I don’t do well with lack of sleep . My nature then was high strung and active but I became weak and moody but did not understand why .

The reasons have lined themselves up , as it were . Our family was destroyed for reasons of addiction , control and ego .

The eyes have become more beady . And darker . As have some of our leaders , exposing a consciousness lack that is staggering .

After hearing Romney state that morality had nothing to do with politics , yesterday I heard the GOP rep talk about morality in the GOP.

That’s a good thing because I know Republicans that are moral and the greedy eyes are lining up . I don’t need to name names but look at the eyes ! Note who peers over their glasses in a passive aggressive profession / authority , manner ?

We each are part of a whole and as the harvest comes in we do harvest the truths that are clearing the way to new earth and less greedy little eyes !

Child may present as Autistic in Narcissist home

A few years into becoming a consultant for narcissistic abuse recovery, I began to notice a high correlation between parents who had an autistic (ASD) child, and who also had a narcissistic partner in the home.

In some cases, emotional abuse and neglect can present as ASD, but recent research also points to some children being highly sensitive who cannot process their emotions in a toxic household.

In the movie, Sensitive – The Untold Story, featuring Alanis Morissette and HSP expert, Dr. Elaine Aron, cover this topic in detail. It’s definitely worth getting a second opinion if your child has been diagnosed with ASD…as well as exploring options for getting your child(ren) out of toxic environments.

#highlysensitiveperson #hsp #empath #highlysensitive #highlysensitivepeople #infj #sensitive #introvert #introvertproblems #mentalhealth