Move on

One of the lesser discussed outcomes of toxic relationships is how narcissists are often successful at convincing your friends and family that YOU are the dysfunctional, toxic one. Sometimes, they can even turn them against you.

So then, not only do you have to cope with the painful smear campaign, but you are also faced with the fact that your friends and family who sided with the narcissist have betrayed you, as well.

These are not your people. Maybe they never were.

Anyone who knows you – authentically – should not side with the person who is trying to tear your life down.

Sure, narcissists are exceptionally skilled at pretending they’re just regular people trying to live their lives, but these people knew you long before the narcissist came along…yet, here they are, siding with them.

If someone doesn’t know you well enough to know the narcissist’s accusations are false, then did they ever really know you?

I find that life is too short to change people’s minds about things. If flying monkeys and enablers want to believe the narcissist’s stories, then they have their own path to travel. It’s not our job to make them see the light.

Along my own journey, I stopped wasting my precious time and energy trying to correct the narrative or defend myself against accusations and the people who wanted to believe them. Let them find out the truth like you did (IF they ever do).

Some people love to eat up drama like a tasty snack.

Some people want to think they found dirt on you.

Some people want to get into the narcissist’s good graces for their own reasons.

And some people are just too naïve and gullible.

None of these people belong in your circle OR your tribe.

These are lost people who need to find their own way or remain unwoke. It’s not your job, and it’s not your project.

Save your precious time and energy for other, more important things…like getting through the smear campaign with the people who are truly on your side.

And if you have no one, get a dog, a cat, or a goldfish. Our tribe can be anyone or any creature who will have our back.

🔥 Grab your free Beginner’s Healing Toolkit for backup:

https://bit.ly/BeginnersRoadmap

#selfhealers

Mother in Law

The war never ended from her possession of her son . I gave up after years of trying ; once sitting with her and stating that it was ok if she didn’t care for me , that we could have some semblance of a relationship. She replied ” as a Christian, I’ve never met anyone that I didn’t like ” .

I understood her from that point on and witnessed her get hands on and loving towards our sons when someone was watching .

She was abusive to me openly and it was witnessed and he said nothing in my defense for it was very uncalled for .

I watched her smack at her 90 year old Mother’s hands for getting flour on the floor when making biscuits!

I believe her eldest children experienced a lot of trauma at her hands and he alluded to my having no idea .

I believe he found his Dad weak to her as she called him Mr _____ and he allowed her to rule . As he faded out , she lamented the place’s they would not be able to travel and her health challenges but how she couldn’t do her thing for taking care of him . His obit declared her a Daughter of the Eastern Star and he a 32nd degree Mason which I was unaware of ! Why the secret ?

She talked so sweetly to her daughters and never once had that tone with me .

Inviting her and sister in law to cook outs at our home stopped when the 4 huddled in one area as if too good to mingle with my parents.

My Mom’s Mom died close to Thanksgiving and we were eating at her house and as she said the prayer my Mom began to cry and had to leave the table , which was met with shame from her and I was so stunned I just sat there .

So as his partner and confidant I was used as leverage and as his ” crazy” drugged and vulnerable wife whom he just offered was sick or didn’t want to attend a family function , when he was ready to jump in with the new supply, she was totally supportive and our sons became possessions that could not betray her or their Dad by being in anyway supportive or compassionate toward me .

Mother in laws , aunts and wives have assumed the mother toll, discouraging any healing or connection with me as they admire her wealth and longevity. She is quite an artist and I’ve been told of her abuse towards our sons that was uncalled for .

I’m sure she feels she has a place in Heaven but to me she is demonic and hides under her know it all attitude and money/power .

I long ago allowed her to know I was not impressed and found the bond between she and her son unholy . He’s attached to her so deeply and it proved to destroy his relationship with his twin , another 20 years of leveraging a woman to get Mom’s favor and execute her finances !

God only knows what he’s pocketed , for anything he touches and wants belongs to him .

What a house of cards !!!

Mother In Law – Ted Talks

youtube.com/watch

Aging without children or grandchildren

It’s increasingly common for older adults to age without children or grandchildren. Here are tips to stay engaged and prepare for aging independently.

www.ajc.com/life/aging-in-atlanta/why-more-older-adults-dont-have-children/CGNE7XKFQZFYRDI5JJEEPJ24V4/

A personal account : what has psychiatry done for me ? – Mad in America

What Psychiatry Has Done for Me

Tammy

The stigma and discrimination I have had to endure due to my ‘diagnosis’ crushed my spirit and the dreams I had for my life. But the most devastating part of all is how it altered my relationship with my two sons.

In psychiatry’s wake, society continues to deny people their civil rights based solely upon its perception that ‘they’ need ‘help’. But is psychiatric help the answer? I can think of far more kindhearted and empathetic methods and less stressful ways of helping someone cope with a life crisis or distressing situation than locking them up, forcibly drugging them and stigmatizing them with a scarlet letter for the rest of their lives.

Another accounting of the damage / abuse of psychiatry :

The road to hell, they say, is paved with the best of intentions. As a boy of ten, a psychiatrist diagnosed me with a condition then known as MBD (Minimal Brain Dysfunction) which has, in the years since, become what is now known ADHD, I was put on a daily dose of 350mg of Thorazine and remained on it for roughly seven years. Now the possibility that because I was a child, along with three siblings, who had been abandoned by both of his parents before the age of six, sent to live with a psychologically (and sometimes, physically abusive,) grandfather, placed in an orphanage by the age of eight, and separated from his siblings two years later, would have anything to do with the emotional and mild behavioral issues I presented, did not seem to cross her mind. I was an intelligent (IQ of 145) and sensitive child who had experienced a considerable amount oain and disruption in his young life and was a target for bullies in school which led me to become withdrawn from and subsequently rejected by his peers, which led a psychiatrist consulted by my long term psychologist to suggest that I was borderline psychotic (a diagnosis which my therapist, thankfully, didn’t accept.) None of the psychiatrists and psychologists that dealt with my case had intent to do me harm, but their good intentions resulted in my growing into an adult who would never achieve his full potential and who would spend his entire life in social isolation. I went twenty five years without contact with my siblings after graduating highschool and my relationship with them, save the youngest of my two oldest sisters, is tenuous at best. Now, at the age of sixty, with my life winding down, I look back across the years and despair over what might have been if I had never crossed paths with that first psychiatrist.

www.madinamerica.com/2022/12/what-psychiatry-has-done-for-me/

Trauma & Betrayal

Because of their lack of empathy, a narcissist cannot really love you.

When they first meet you, they can and do become infatuated. But it’s not with you as a person. It’s the unrealistic fantasy they form that you see them as flawless. This is why the love-bombing period is so intense (in most cases).

However, they simply cannot maintain this charade forever. Love bombing is initially fun for the narcissist, but it eventually becomes draining and an annoyance to them.

This is not only when you begin to see their true colors start to peek through, but also when they begin to see that you’re a regular human and not the Peter Pan story character they made up in their mind.

They recognize that you’re beginning to understand that something isn’t quite right and this is when you fall from grace and the devaluation begins.

When it’s all said and done, narcissists know of only one way to keep people entangled with them and it’s through trauma and betrayal.

Repeated trauma and betrayal carried out by the narcissist strengthens insecure attachments and abandonment wounds (often borne through the narcissist) guaranteeing you will feel jealous, needy, and worried all the time, perpetually seeking reassurance and validation from the narcissist – the very person who will never give you either of those things.

Stop trying to have a heart-to-heart with the narcissist in order to get them to understand your point of view or discuss the ever-elusive resolutions to your relationship problems.

Narcissists don’t want to solve problems because that’s how they keep you hooked.

They can’t comprehend that you have willingly given your love and forgiveness to them because you care for them. This explains why nothing you do is ever good enough.

To the narcissist, compatibility means that you have learned their love language and are engaging with it.

And the longer you stay with them, the more they believe this to be true.

Kim

The Role of Money in Child Psychological Abuse /Alienation

So true !

The last 5 years in family was a freaking Hell on earth and I watched the effects on our sons .

Of course I let him down , not doing my part to keep a house , tend to ALL the things he didn’t and did not serve his personal needs .

Of course knowing ALL he did not educate himself or sons ; excusing my not being with them as my being ” sick ” .

It seemed to be just what he needed ; a ” crazy ” wife , and absolutely no light shown on his abuse , neglect etc . He’s the injured one ; the Victim 💯

Money is his Super Power and he used it against me before and after marriage and still denies he has embezzled my income .

The facts are facts and cannot be denied . A contract handwritten to resolve this with help with a home and purchase of a new SUV was just more of his plot 4 years ago when we signed the lease agreement and I let him , knowing I can and will prove the facts .

Sending him home listings with no reply , he has his form of Justice by my homelessness. And loss of time and property as much more money goes out to accommodate homelessness , challenging health issues , all delight him and he feels proves me to be bad at finances !

Twisted Thinking

Money is weaponized when it comes to our children

That’s why he feels I deserve less because having a home or money would entice male friends and possibly sons to connect with me .

That’s not going to happen .

His ever present greed is revolting , as much as his denial that he is in any way responsible for anything ever .

What part does MONEY play in PARENTAL ALIENATION?

Please see more of my posts on Instagram. I post 2-6 each day to spread awareness about parental alienation, to inform and to uplift. I hope they help. https://www.instagram.com/charliemccready1/

Money often motivates alienating behaviours. If there’s a personality disorder too, it’s a double whammy. Alienators are controlling, and money is a system of control too. Mind control is subtle, and it coercively nudges and persuades and influences, it changes thoughts and beliefs, but it’s entirely invisible. All anyone might see is the pretence of protection, best intentions, and care while, in truth it’s all about profit and power. Entirely selfish behaviours. This is how governments work too, and a debt-based financial system which is in itself disordered and broken. So, money and alienation often go hand in hand, a nightmare partnership, controlling and manipulating. The child might feel they are acting autonomously. They may believe the ‘grass is greener’ with the alienating parent. They may have been induced with bribes by a ‘Disneyland Parent’. Deep down, the child will know they are being played, but children, especially at a certain stage, are more selfish, and pliable, and try to spread their wings more anyway. But if there were years of a good, loving relationship with you and your alienated child/ren, despite all the rubbish the alienating parent says and does, the love will still exist between you and your child/ren. It may take time, but the relationship can be repaired

Boy oh Boy- Proud to have been able to assist

These boys who am sure look different today or I would not share .

Neighbors in a complex that was 2 boys under 2 and then the twins arrived early .

This couple was up against it in every way possible and knew no one .

My council was agreeable to the owner – landlord until it wasn’t .

The eldest 2 were on the spectrum and I shared what I knew .

They left , no court for anyone else in these situations; just me .

Deputies were called many times to that unit where environmental toxins were hard to keep at bay and kids were adversely affected .

I asked for help on my local group on Facebook and an angelic couple did respond .

I sat with the gentle man with the boys while his wife took Mom to clear some legal issues.

When they returned I had the infant twins in my arms and each was sleeping !!!

How’d you do that ? I smiled and just glowed inside because I do know and don’t diagnose it .

There were many rumors about this couple but I didn’t witness illegal acts and my focus was on the boys .

I learned later that though my council of the Dad ,Mom had surrendered to her spiritual journey and that was super great news !!

Moving out of Virginia was the very best thing these parents could do for their sons and themselves .

The owner – landlord was knowing before this couple moved in and had a record as well… I feel I had a right to know but things went from very bad to worse as I became weaker and learned more that insured my eviction as COVID gave landlord the opportunity to retaliate.

Blessings & Peace

Dona Luna