I’m a seed planter , Dream Weaver, a woman of deep
faith , who sadly finds my efforts dormant in masculine
energy that sees need as a form of control.
I don’t ask for favors , and now have resources to locate
what I need for a specific issue. That’s less and less.
In my youth, the masculine had no chores , nothing but free
time. I was unable to discern the trauma of my brother
who was Casper around our house. His freedom was wide
open , gifts were noticeably focused on that , and I was
a very reluctant caretaker. I say reluctant , due to Mom’s
just do it example , and siblings resistance to my ineptitude
or my correctness, setting up a no win foundation on shaky
I went into my 1st at age 17 , with a boy who had many secrets
like brother..I had no idea how profoundly and deeply these secrets
pointed to trauma. It was hard to acknowledge , as I ended contact
with 1st after 9 months of not so wedded bliss.
A soul mate had major issues with fidelity , did not want to loose
me , and to break the soul mate connection , I married a 2nd time
exiting after 3 weeks , upon the realization of I was expected to
take the role of breadwinner , sex kitten…umm no.
Of course the hologram, that describes ” former” champions
secrets , in a mind -soul game he still thinks works.. Truth is
definitely not his forte’, and that is light to me. The official
moment of commitment , a shift began that I allowed was
a comfortable easy feeling. That, ended as our 1 st year brought
us our 1st child , leaving no doubt of his holding such shadow
that induced me to cleave into my child and domestic duties .
However , I rebelled or stood up , listened to his 3rd person
stories and slowly lost respect for his inability to rise over
the Peter Pan lifestyle ..Staying in C-PTSD with children
to raise , convincing myself I was in love to get through
things , compliant and hopeful in his self growth.. Sadly,
that hasn’t happened, and having based his future on a faked
past is the revelation that sets our family free .
I don’t have great expectations beyond that…it would be foolish
to consider all negatives ended , or wounds healed . Letting
go , surrendering this is not something that has ever been offered
me in fact , in truth , in forgiveness or love.. I will be willing
certainly to be part of healing reconciliation, when it is
important to the other party , whose over the blame and shame
Secrets are deadly, and those whose way of life chooses this
path , don’t trust ..anything or anybody.. it’s very unbalanced .
My hero instinct is very real, I am not shy about saying .
How that’s received is variable, however without asking
in discussion , my needs are side stepped, ignored or deferred,
has been normalized in masculines around me ; as a strong
woman, I have or will have it covered …Complementing
and holding space , for imbalances to correct themselves
so masculine’s needs are met , he’s feeling supported and
not uneasy , or controlled ..
Transforming this is most welcome .. certainly it shall
aide in losing shame and projection of shame and blame.
His Hero Instinct And Why It Matters – Feeling Butterflies
— Read on feelingbutterflies.com/his-hero-instinct-and-why-it-matters-85/