Tag: Domestic Abuse

Challenges towards Growth – Kim Saeed

I don’t know who needs to see this, but when you leave an abusive relationship or marriage, this isn’t the only challenge you will face. Once you’ve removed yourself from the vortex of lies and manipulation, you may begin to lose friends and family, as well. Your Church might turn on you. Relationships and situations will fall apart around your ankles.

While this is initially horrific and traumatizing, it’s actually a Phoenix process. You are leaving the realm of false narratives and denial. You are removing yourself from the program. The people and situations that hurt you will have no choice but to slowly disintegrate as you make space for your new world.

This phase may take a while, especially if you have to deal with court hearings. This is usually an entire layer of H*LL in itself.

Think of it as an update to software. The bugs are removed so your internal code can go back to normal. The software is your life, and the bugs are all the things that aren’t in alignment with your highest good.

Once this painful phase begins to acclimate, a quiet peace sets upon you. You are no longer surrounded by abusers, fakes, and ignorance. You are no longer amongst flying monkeys, minions, or fair-weathered “friends” who used to go between you and your abuser, stirring the pot. They may try, but your new reality doesn’t acknowledge them. Ideally, you’ve blocked these people out of your life so that any attempts they make to hook you back into the vortex are met with your indifference or even utter unawareness.

Your tolerance for drama and backbiting is zero. You no longer care what the ignorant are up to.

Things worth doing, things that will transform your life… may feel painful while your new world is being built. This is when you need faith in yourself. Faith in what’s in store. Faith in our Creator. This is when you need to stop looking back and, instead, put all your focus on forging your new path.

I’ve gone through many painful Phoenix processes…but what comes afterward is always worth it. Every. Single. Time.

He Did it ; His way

Somewhere in the coverage of his break with protocol, perhaps at the 21 Club , the camera zoomed upward to the roof line .

Of note , though no one mentioned it , were ” lawn jockies” which are considered racially discriminatory in todays world .

A black jockie who had a ring to tether one’s horse in the past .

That’s where patriarchy dwells and wishes most of the planet to dwell as well ,as Trump shadow repressed and depressed the change needed in this nation and our world .

It comes regardless of those who attempt to force choice on citizens that’s is not healthy nor in step with creation of new earth .

www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/donald-trump-breaks-protocol-goes-to-dinner-new-york-city-without-alerting-press-pool-21-club/573044/

Legacy – Family History

The picture I’ve included here is of ( left to right) , my great grandmother Laura Margret Creasy Wheeler, James Abner Wheeler , Dad , holding me and Granny Minnie Zola holding my cousin Pam Ragland .

I was born 2/29/52

* Due to a ” hint” on Ancestry I learned that Minnie Zola Creasy Wheeler lost her Dad in 1952!!

What grief must have dwelt in her soul 👁

I have tears for her, I had my Dad but major parts of him became lost to me due to my psychiatric “care” and his grief / anger/depression.

I’m so glad we had our time together to heal so much and for me to do my best to see that he had the dignity that he deserved .

Unfortunately 2 siblings took over his legal and medical and he made dementia based decisions . He was used and over medicated ; the greed was sickening .

Sadly I knew it all too well as surely did Granny Minnie Zola❤️

This was spring or early summer and Great Grandmother Laura is in a coat and scarf . Apparently already ill , she passed on June 7, 1953. She was born May 20, 1878.

* Ex left Dec 98, Mom died 4/9/99

Minnie Zola was born 1906.

Died 1994

** I vaguely remember her funeral , and did see her before she passed. Granny had warned me that if she could no longer take care of herself , she’d saved medications and do it herself.

**Valium did not take her out ; not quickly anyway and I saw her . She reached out for me her nails grazing my cheek . The gesture frightened me for I was 1 year on Psychiatric RX , certainly not myself . I long since accepted that she was scared out her mind and wanted to warn me . Her big brown eyes were wild .

* Minnie Zola – Valium

Dona Luna – Xanax

Both highly addictive Benzos

Warner Hartwell Wheeler -1908

Died 1977..

Granny Minnie Zola had been run off from her family farm with what she could carry ; by Warner and had to place the 2 youngest children, a son and a daughter until she became stabilized .

Warner and Minnie Zola had 5 sons and 2 daughters and lost 1 son .

The family farm was 120 acres given my grandparents by her parents Laura and James Edward.

I had heard stories of his abuse and temper which necessitated my Dad live elsewhere at an early age . He spoke of Warner not buying his school books .

He did have some kind of relationship with Warner until I was around 10/12

Warner it would seem was a moon shine maker , his sons were to help him with the fields of corn he grew . He had boxes of cash money seen by other family members .

Granny Minnie Zola struggled the rest of her life .

A baby boy was near term when Warner pushed her on outside steps and though a doctor was sent for baby David died and she was blamed . Of course he blamed her .

At some point as the new psychiatric RX came on the scene she was given Valium as was Granny Cora was , when the farm was sold to APCO electric company to create Smith Mountain Lake . Granny Cora was highly sensitive already and very religious and became labeled with a psychiatric disorder .

Valium decreased life vitality and increased mental stressors which neither Granny deserved .

I feel that somehow they knew I would solve the issue by having similar experiences with regard to psychiatric “care”.

I’m not sure why I had to learn these historical facts so late in life , experiencing the trauma with regard to the end of my marriage and my Mom’s death months later .

My aunt had taken Granny Cora to the same psychiatrist I ended up with but didn’t like him and Granny was spared , his medical abuse . Nothing was said when he became my psychiatrist for 13 very long and tragic years but it seemed to answer the prayers of ex who attended the same collage as Dr and to my knowledge never met Dr

My dentist and psychiatrist both had last names that started with an L and both were Polish and honored ex as my ” concerned ” partner !

So I’m sure that with the ancestry of abuse , the support and guidance of ancestors all these decades , that completion of these cycles have been cleared as I survived the trauma and abuse and alienation of a marital partner , loss of finances , character assignation and disposal by children , extended family and friends and religion that has not healed but continues to target me .

11/23/21 brought another partner in business that had groomed me in a case of fraud that was to deprive me of all I have financially and I experienced yet another lesson in law that did not serve me or the factual truths but the criminal who still walks freely, committing his crimes . My request for codes and for a detective were ignored by one office .

I am grateful to have installed a new battery and new tires in my 98 4Runner as on Dec 14 after breaking into my place and shutting off my internet , my jeep became my ” office ” .

My old jeep , a 4 cylinder could not make it up the steep icy driveway and I had to call a wrecker who was very kind . In the Spring I had to pay out $1200 for engine repair from the effort .

My business partner claimed to own the property and gave me an inclusive price of $650

Electric , internet and rent for a very shabby single wide that was to be my shelter until spring 2022 when we would build my house .

He did not mean a word of it , I discovered he rented the single wide and has no physical address . He later turned off my electric but thankfully I had received my pay and hired a lawyer who informed him of the illegal transaction and it was back on by days end . I later discovered he has not paid the electric in months and was shut off just after I left May 1 2022

I have been in a motel at triple the expense of rental , yes it’s inclusive . My things are in storage , one being 40 miles away costing $300 per month .

I am Thankful to the magistrates I talked to who informed me there were many laws broken and the many deputies I talked to but each were unable to help until the orders were given by the one office that much like ex and business partner and our children …are not interested in me what so ever .

I’m sure Granny Minnie Zola felt the sting as did I but I allowed that I would keep my head and heart on my intended outcome .

I met ex in Nov around this time and he offered to rent me a room ; I eventually moved in and acknowledge that stability and safety were never part of our life over the next 21 years . And of course all he surveyed was his , controlling every aspect of my life until I started to wake in 2004 and he began the process of trying to strip me of everything I had ; his property. $$$$

His sons , his grandchildren and his story , all ripe for the truths that release the trauma bonds and end the insanity of malignant intimate partner violence and effect much better laws that end the erasing of families due to the distorted reality of one who has no God , no morality no empathy and no place in my life !

Blessings & Peace

Dona Luna

Childress on the Targeted Parent

It’s all here ; the result of my diagnosis

by a psychiatrist Axis l was “ problematic

marriage . That deserved a diagnosis of

Bipolar l , from an alumni of psychiatrist!

Of course he listed Histrionic Personality

which ignored the very apparent Domestic

Abuse ,the toxic to me RX began with

Lithium which being a metal ; I’m allergic

to . Upon my complaints of horrid side

effects , a coated version of Lithium was

prescribed ! I was unaware and too ill

to research and did not have a partner who

was interested in anything but my ability’s

to keep his house and his kids .

Ever feel your world is upside-down. I wanna talk about that.

I’ve decided I want to talk about you this Sunday. I was thinking I might want to tell you about your children. Empathy and all that, help you understand what’s going on. But I decided not yet.

I want to talk about you first, the targeted parent as everyone calls you, the chosen parent as Dorcy calls you. She’s right, the child is choosing you to lead the family, the other parent can’t do it, they’re collapsing.

You need support. We’re working on it… your world is a work in progress shall we say. Do things seem a little upside-down. Yeah, i know. That’s ’cause it is… upside-down. That’s true. You live in a crazy world of family stuff right now.

You’re called the targeted parent because you’re the target of spousal abuse – you’re being emotionally and psychologically abused by the other spouse and parent using the child as the weapon.

It is a savage and brutal form of spousal abuse, to use the child as the weapon. Sadistic? Dark Tetrad.

You know that. You live it. I know it too. I want to talk about that. This pathology is spousal abuse. Emotional spousal abuse, psychological spousal abuse, financial spousal abuse, using the child as the weapon of spousal revenge and retaliation.

Everyone says, “It’s not about you, it’s about the child” – no – it’s entirely about you – this is spousal abuse using the child as the weapon. That’s what’s at the driving core of everything… spousal abuse of you.

In weaponizing the child into the spousal abuse, the pathological parent creates such significant psychopathology in the child that it rises to a level of Child Psychological Abuse (DSM-5 V995.51).

But the reason is the weaponization of the child into the spousal abuse, the spousal emotional and psychological abuse is the driving core of everything (DSM-5 V995.82 Spouse or Partner Abuse, Psychological).

You know it’s true. You live it. I know it’s true too. I wanna talk about you being abused by this pathology, by the other parent weaponizing the child.

This is a savage and immensely brutal emotional and psychological spousal abuse of the targeted parent. You know that. I know that. I wanna talk about that. I want to talk about you, the targeted parent.

You’re a target… but you’re not a victim. Being a victim is in your mind, not in reality. You control you. Yeah, you’ve got a big target on you… so move faster and more skillfully than the pathology does. It’s pattern, it’s predictable.

The pathology seeks to destabilize you in every way possible – it tries to trigger you into your fears. Don’t trigger, plan ahead. Trauma is pattern, it replicates pattern.

You want a treatment plan, a written treatment plan to fix things. Hold onto that and don’t let go.

I wanna talk about you, not behind your back or anything, right to your face sort of… your virtual face in this-here cyber-world place thingy I love the Internet.

Sunday at 8:00 Pacific, let’s talk about you, the targeted parent over coffee. We’ll see if we can get things right-side up again. Crazy world, eh?

Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologists, CA PSY 18857

Oct 25th Documentary on Domestic Violence

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. We are observing the month with a virtual screening and discussion of the documentary Private Violence on Tuesday, October 25, 7:00 pm – 9:00 pm. For more information and to register, visit: https://PeaceThroughAction.org/ipvfilm.

Our event includes the film, an audience engagement component, and guest speaker commentary from a domestic violence services organization. Participants will explore a range of personal challenges and social barriers that women confront as they transform from victims to survivors of intimate partner violence.

Today begins Domestic Abuse Awareness

I’ll be writing deeply about this on personal level , revealing facts that are in conflict with universal law , gods law , as man became the law and our world became lawless .

Natural time , quantum influences…. it’s a day long coming and yes it’s been a very pain filled journey with enough beauty and consciousness to temper the harsh lessons .

It’s long awaited , this new beginning , and excruciating to not be heard legally which can and will be part of the change that has erased many a family

Blessings 🙏 & Peace ✌️

Dona Luna

domesticabuseawareness.org/2022/10/17/be-aware-of-the-consequences/

Side Effects of Having a Distorted Parent

Child Psychological Abuse

Lifelong Effects on Children Who Grow Up With Narcissistic Personality Disordered Parents–
by Dr. Laurel a Sills, Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Michigan.  9/2/2022
~~
The deeply damaging effects to a personality when growing up with especially subtle narcissism (which is not recognized by outsiders) is extremely long-lasting and often unseen by others. Kids may act strong and unaffected and become leaders or bossy and controlling and seem super confident, or, people- please in such a way that
most people like them and don’t notice that they are appeasing to everybody and not standing up for what they want.

Anxiety is high for the child who grows up confused by hearing they are loved by their parent who doesn’t guide them, dismisses them, is insensitive towards them, is hypercritical, micromanaging, doesn’t seem to see them or respect them. The child feels one way, but is told another or that they are overreacting, being dramatic, making mountains out of molehills, or dismissed, etc.; thus undermining the child’s self-trust and reliance upon their own feelings and perceptions to make accurate conclusions.

As a result, the child is apt to constantly need reassurance and seek outside validation rather than feel self-reliant and trust themself to be able to discern things accurately and appropriately.

Since narcissists unconsciously project their own self hatred and dislike of self onto others, the names they call their children typically are descriptors of themselves or some form of their own self-shame or doubt. If a parent says a child is selfish look and see if the parent is acting that way. If the parent says the child is stupid look and see if the parent is acting unaware of important dynamics.

When narcissistic parents use their children as an extension of themselves, they often push their kids to do the things they never did to finish unresolved dynamics from their own backgrounds. i.e. forcing a child to play football because the parent want to live through them and have their child reflect strength and athleticism and popularity. Forcing K
kids to act in their own mirror images rather than see their child as separate and unique individuals is another common pitfall.

Validating a child’s feelings is vital to help them grow to trust their own perceptions. It’s also important to help distinguish somebody else’s problems from a child’s behaviors.
As children, we must be seen for our own uniqueness and our own strengths and limitations; not be ridiculed for our limitations and molded into a mini version of our parent.

In therapy, the adult children has to express their confusion about how they felt in their families versus what they were told by the unhealthy family members. It takes outside validation, much love and compassion, an explanation for adult children to eventually recognize they were the victims of parents who were also suffering from their upbringing, and suffering that makes them project all kinds of things onto them. I’m not talking about physical abuse and more violent narcissism and sociopathic narcissism. I’m talking about even subtle abuse emotional, constant negative commentary, ignoring, eye/rolling, dismissive body language, disrespect, disregard mixed in with warm fuzzies, a
Conditional love, threats to withdraw love if a child doesn’t do what is asked or commanded… all part of the felt verbal and emotional abuse even when the parent is unaware.

Because the parent is unaware, when they later are confronted by adult children or teenagers about how they were feeling hurt by that parent, that parent often acts as if they were the one mortally wounded. Often the parent acts angry, surprised, betrayed, retaliates, or deeply hurt.

Sometimes parents give their children the silent treatment when a child tells their parent how they’ve been hurt by them. This just compounds the child’s ( teen or adult child’s) guilt and confusion.

Good therapy, in my opinion, combines validation, education, explanation, empathy, and teaching how to cope and separate what that parent did and said to the child from the real truth of who the child ( who became adult or teen pending on what age they are entering therapy) really is and who they were born to be.

The growth to health for the children of Narcissitic parents is to find honest, real, compassionate and loving people who can support, guide, teach and demonstrate unconditional love with guidelines for appropriate behavior in the world. Empathy is vital. Depth of emotions and discussion about feelings is vital. Healing comes in the relational and attachment realms. 

Because the narcissistic parent is so confident and sure of themselves, they’re very intimidating to confront even by the spouse. When children see their other parent staying with the narcissistic parent and not challenging them, it certainly makes challenging that parent even more difficult. The ones that are brave enough to challenge, should not be punished, but instead revered for sharing their feelings and being brave. They have to learn to say things in a healthy way and be given a safe place to share with a professional who can validate them away from the Narcissitic parent(s) and protect them from further ridicule, minimization or dismissal.