Tag: grief

It is not that I have not seen or witnessed or carried

your burdens , emotionally , deeply as a empathic

healer of deep spirit and faith , just surrendering

to vision , that I know is of DIVINITY and experiences

of having our children and grandchildren to whom

tethers or cords cannot be broken.

I witnessed the tears , last year , after many catch

up calls , that began with you can text and call me

now .. The happy girl , with her own trauma-drama

in an open hostility towards me that is so many

negative tentacles, as even as I was abused openly

by her , even when medicated , I knew her deep pain

and yours were equaled ..And much Harm would

result .. the reverb was I know there is a Divine

and there will be justice . I will speak up for millions

of erased families , that 1 prevail in all ways

as I continued my decent in hell on earth …

Mom’s Day brings this to mind ..

She left with so much undone , unsaid as it seems

you choose .. however , having witnessed as much

I could of Dad’s life , in his effort to spare me ,

his anger , were born of not knowing , of not

having support , of not being heard , while

keeping his independence . It was not until his

fall, outside nights and days for 4 days , and rebirth

as he was brought to , that I knew I had succeeded

and he was lifted from a depressed solitary existence

to hero.. I encouraged him to make changes in his

will , and add brothers , leave Jerry his car , funeral

plans , and tidied up his house, organizing , which

brought discoveries that still make me cry .

I found Mama’s Southern Living Magizine Books

annuals she cherished , and in another drawer ,

hidden , her jewlery box , the gold and diamonds

that disappeared the day of the funeral , along

with other treasures ..You were down for the

count , and walking , so was I. Trauma does

not cover the surreal experience of being estranged

in a knowing , of family , in addition to the death

of a Mother who was betrayed by her corporate

AMA employers , at 67 , as was her 1st born.

Sure cuts down on retirement , ya know?

Dad received a portion I believe ..wasn’t a lot .

And they got him , too ..

The time we did have , was magical and so

deeply held , and had I known he had end stage

heart failure , end stage COPD , and he was being

medically and spiritually and financially abused

I would have made more noise .

I did report to Social Services, Dad’s Dr went out

telling Dad he’d put him in nursing home and

Dad would loose all his money .

So no danger was found , I was limited in

seeing him in in prisoned, by drugs , hearing

how in and out he was, as he was paraded

before friends and church members, like

a banner of Christianity. He admitted his

situation , having received an in house hair

cut that was horrific , he was like a 2 year old .

I was returning a huge hand gun , he had given

me , like Clint Eastwood type , due to the

urging of his caretakers that I might kill my self

as I brought him a few things , including new

suit separates including socks , to replace

the suit , that had been preserved for his

funeral.

In discussions , he had never owned up to

we discussed caskets , as he was going to need

a larger one , but he was concerned over cost.

He did not recall having ordered his , when Mom

died in 99. I resolved that and so he was taken

by caregivers to change his will , that put my

nullified his existing will , which was out dated

and left everything to me after the bank

sold everything .

That was a bad idea , along with other , which

omitted sons and daughter , he had plans to leave

insurance polices . Stocks existed but were in

a safety deposit box , which caretaker accessed

after having Dad write that will naming him

executor of will , medical and financial.

I discovered this by a warning text to watch my

back 13 days before he died , notified 2 days

after he developed pneumonia, after a full day

out which included viewing a remodel of his

kitchen flooring , that a relative of caretaker did

without regard to dust ..COPD , and no immunity

.

He was begin morphine to bring forth death

and no longer communicating when I arrived

receiving a call in late afternoon , having to

prepare and driving 45-50 minutes .

For 12 hours , I sat with him , always with

someone with us .

Leaving once to call a friend , a professional

who helped me grasp what stage he was at.

I suggested playing music for him , as a conversation

was ongoing about his money or events , a phone

call negotiating money to aid getting daughter

in ..

As I wiped his mouth of foam, I owned that

this was all negatives , he was responsible for

leaving his body ..Bucket after bucket , of tissues .

Dose after dose of morphine ….

He looked up at the ceiling , startled , and I

rejoiced as I knew his angels and spirit guides

had arrived and explained to him and he calmed .

At least 6 times he looked up , and I asked

permission to removed his oxygen , from each

son . I received permission , and found later

this was proper end of life procedure .

He blinked in surprise , and I told him it was ok.

He trusted me, heard me , unable to see at

that point .. I am his Mom as he was mine ,

and his last moments on earth , gave me a

gift , and liberation , that allowed me to withstand

the aftermath ..

It affirmed behaviors of the father of our sons

that were never acceptable , but allowed me

to acceptable ..

This song of character , of owning one’s truth

and transforming non responsive failures

and non forgiveness, guilt , shame , regrets

abuses , in light and light that is the right of

each of us.

The feeling of running out of time , is pushed

but also shows up in ways that have opened

my visionary thoughts into a whole other

skill.

So I offer the CSN& Y, DM cellular response

and admit , I employ eye to eye , in an effort

to more cosmically connect ..

Dad had time, he transitioned , he exited

returning to the Great Mother , his Mother

waiting , Mom , so many welcome souls

and in that , who does not deserve this light

this Divinity ?

As I listened to the father of our sons

still clinging to falsehoods , he teared up

as he spoke of our sons , and his desires

to correct a few errors , and I saw the light

in him , which I choose to believe is in fact

his truth , not his shadow ..

©️

Blessings & Peace

Doña Luna

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