It is not that I have not seen or witnessed or carried
your burdens , emotionally , deeply as a empathic
healer of deep spirit and faith , just surrendering
to vision , that I know is of DIVINITY and experiences
of having our children and grandchildren to whom
tethers or cords cannot be broken.
I witnessed the tears , last year , after many catch
up calls , that began with you can text and call me
now .. The happy girl , with her own trauma-drama
in an open hostility towards me that is so many
negative tentacles, as even as I was abused openly
by her , even when medicated , I knew her deep pain
and yours were equaled ..And much Harm would
result .. the reverb was I know there is a Divine
and there will be justice . I will speak up for millions
of erased families , that 1 prevail in all ways
as I continued my decent in hell on earth …
Mom’s Day brings this to mind ..
She left with so much undone , unsaid as it seems
you choose .. however , having witnessed as much
I could of Dad’s life , in his effort to spare me ,
his anger , were born of not knowing , of not
having support , of not being heard , while
keeping his independence . It was not until his
fall, outside nights and days for 4 days , and rebirth
as he was brought to , that I knew I had succeeded
and he was lifted from a depressed solitary existence
to hero.. I encouraged him to make changes in his
will , and add brothers , leave Jerry his car , funeral
plans , and tidied up his house, organizing , which
brought discoveries that still make me cry .
I found Mama’s Southern Living Magizine Books
annuals she cherished , and in another drawer ,
hidden , her jewlery box , the gold and diamonds
that disappeared the day of the funeral , along
with other treasures ..You were down for the
count , and walking , so was I. Trauma does
not cover the surreal experience of being estranged
in a knowing , of family , in addition to the death
of a Mother who was betrayed by her corporate
AMA employers , at 67 , as was her 1st born.
Sure cuts down on retirement , ya know?
Dad received a portion I believe ..wasn’t a lot .
And they got him , too ..
The time we did have , was magical and so
deeply held , and had I known he had end stage
heart failure , end stage COPD , and he was being
medically and spiritually and financially abused
I would have made more noise .
I did report to Social Services, Dad’s Dr went out
telling Dad he’d put him in nursing home and
Dad would loose all his money .
So no danger was found , I was limited in
seeing him in in prisoned, by drugs , hearing
how in and out he was, as he was paraded
before friends and church members, like
a banner of Christianity. He admitted his
situation , having received an in house hair
cut that was horrific , he was like a 2 year old .
I was returning a huge hand gun , he had given
me , like Clint Eastwood type , due to the
urging of his caretakers that I might kill my self
as I brought him a few things , including new
suit separates including socks , to replace
the suit , that had been preserved for his
In discussions , he had never owned up to
we discussed caskets , as he was going to need
a larger one , but he was concerned over cost.
He did not recall having ordered his , when Mom
died in 99. I resolved that and so he was taken
by caregivers to change his will , that put my
nullified his existing will , which was out dated
and left everything to me after the bank
sold everything .
That was a bad idea , along with other , which
omitted sons and daughter , he had plans to leave
insurance polices . Stocks existed but were in
a safety deposit box , which caretaker accessed
after having Dad write that will naming him
executor of will , medical and financial.
I discovered this by a warning text to watch my
back 13 days before he died , notified 2 days
after he developed pneumonia, after a full day
out which included viewing a remodel of his
kitchen flooring , that a relative of caretaker did
without regard to dust ..COPD , and no immunity
He was begin morphine to bring forth death
and no longer communicating when I arrived
receiving a call in late afternoon , having to
prepare and driving 45-50 minutes .
For 12 hours , I sat with him , always with
someone with us .
Leaving once to call a friend , a professional
who helped me grasp what stage he was at.
I suggested playing music for him , as a conversation
was ongoing about his money or events , a phone
call negotiating money to aid getting daughter
As I wiped his mouth of foam, I owned that
this was all negatives , he was responsible for
leaving his body ..Bucket after bucket , of tissues .
Dose after dose of morphine ….
He looked up at the ceiling , startled , and I
rejoiced as I knew his angels and spirit guides
had arrived and explained to him and he calmed .
At least 6 times he looked up , and I asked
permission to removed his oxygen , from each
son . I received permission , and found later
this was proper end of life procedure .
He blinked in surprise , and I told him it was ok.
He trusted me, heard me , unable to see at
that point .. I am his Mom as he was mine ,
and his last moments on earth , gave me a
gift , and liberation , that allowed me to withstand
the aftermath ..
It affirmed behaviors of the father of our sons
that were never acceptable , but allowed me
to acceptable ..
This song of character , of owning one’s truth
and transforming non responsive failures
and non forgiveness, guilt , shame , regrets
abuses , in light and light that is the right of
each of us.
The feeling of running out of time , is pushed
but also shows up in ways that have opened
my visionary thoughts into a whole other
So I offer the CSN& Y, DM cellular response
and admit , I employ eye to eye , in an effort
to more cosmically connect ..
Dad had time, he transitioned , he exited
returning to the Great Mother , his Mother
waiting , Mom , so many welcome souls
and in that , who does not deserve this light
this Divinity ?
As I listened to the father of our sons
still clinging to falsehoods , he teared up
as he spoke of our sons , and his desires
to correct a few errors , and I saw the light
in him , which I choose to believe is in fact
his truth , not his shadow ..
Blessings & Peace