Totally an experience that was shocking to become aware through
varied life experiences how separated he was from reality .
Threatened by anything that brought change he did not
control , a change in his monies being always and ever
the 1st priority . A 1st year of major change , with a pregnancy
3 months in , altered his world with total disregard to wife
or infant . It encouraged his retreat , seemingly apparent
disappointment that I would not support his extremely
detachment , or his zero to rage .. Trying to be all baby needed,
run his house , doing all that he could come home when he
chose , spend a few hours , bed at 11pm no matter what , up
at 6, living for Friday night, Sat night socializing , drinking
being seen at the right place .
Business conversation dominated visits with his parents
discussions of folks I did not know , so after a cursory
acknowledge of myself , then our 1st born I withdrew
a bit ..It only became more pronounced as I noted
a tolerance only in public , but missed that he was
only in our marriage as part of the mask required
to round out his social image .. My pedigree was definitely
not in alignment with the MIL, and there were many
vulgar reminders of that ; in contact critical eyes that took in
every bite of food, every word, every action or non
action . I did not fall in , morphing into her … as he increasingly
bore increasing financial responsibility, both projected
my unworthiness as a stay at home Mom to 3 sons our
6 years .. His place assured in business/social, having to
show up for a few family functions , refusing any participation
in any spiritual practice , peppered with flash rages that
hit their target , when ever he chose in his house .
Apologies , promises but always a next time , increasingly
more harmful and shaming , in abuse that disregarded
my highly sensitive nature , high spiritual faith ,lacking
empathy for not only me , but infants ..
I could not deny with our 3rd son , MIL and son saw me
as a surrogate for propagation of the family name
and not measuring up as a wife , nor mother .
Secrets were dominate in their world , as I became
more vulnerable, depleted and extremely concerned
for our family , I took the responsibility to find resolutions
though my faith , trust ..my very soul knew how abusive
I did not grasp that a profession that offered healing ,
was indeed the gift , with the guise of psychiatry-medicine
that addicted me , calling my deeply adverse reactions as
manifestations of a disease , instead of Domestic Abuse-Child
Abuse , totally missing Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
or the physical reactions of toxicity to the deadly chemicals .
I was silenced , shut up.. securing secrets , abuses beyond
comprehension, that have been accepted as he mask a normal
that allowed him to push forward with his new life, new supply
as my living grief and that of our sons was ignored , and still
is to a degree that has been impossible in my healing ,
impossible to ignore ..
Professionals are certainly challenged by the many abuses
within the whole of it, as this has been normalized
and very profitable . Change is accepting responsibility
and that’s taught in many profound ways , it’s not
lying that is the issue , covering the lies , abuses is the
only issue ….
My realization personally , my failure to listen to my inner
spirit warnings , and to have been compliant with his
being #1..not making our son, my only focus and leaving on
his 6 th day outside my body … Certainly I acted as survivors
do, and I had faith, and I stayed , well aware of how harsh
extracting myself and our son, later 3 sons , from his world
of favors and shadows ; connections that always supported
his need ..lawful or not ..he had an in .. that clarity took
30 years to actualize with FILs death .. it’s been a freaking
landslide of falsehoods that I am sure are not all of the
nightmare of marriage and divorce , where my
physical death , with his retaining his shadow , his property
his sons, his grandchildren and his money 💰 insure
his new life , new supply dominate . 🙈🙊🙉
The “new” supply of “happy” he ran to 20 years
ago , again reduced to a very low , her Mom died ,she
became vulnerable, very very ill ,thus more aware of
her place, or lack thereof blatant discrimination, an
unhealthy waste due to inability to produce revenue , targeted
as I was by MIL, then son …was abled to walk out ..and
his carefully laid plans to triumph , trophies 🏆intact ,
his purchase of a high performance car, self care intensive ,
diseases disappearing , discovering his new happy gal
with an intensive to woo her , gain her love and trust
and come after me …
counting on our sons support , he continues
as I shall ever be his target of
failures , his consciousness..that I survived horror threatens
all.
that I should thrive is very clearly has not been
supported as will be made clear , very soon.
I have faith , that I will be heard , and I am Thankful to
all the voices raised in saying enough ..
That he signed documents , made promises to
negotiate , that his character is unmasking
in his highest good , as he does a review of
his successes , always in denial of his failures
that I and our sons shall be liberated from
sooner than later .
More than a few indicators of the necessary truths
and awareness of how to create a flow of understanding
in systems that have been duped , as I was …
Change requires acceptance that shadow does exist .
Yea, though you walk through the shadow of death
I am with you as you are with me , comforted me
as a child … My awareness is now surrendered to
my highest good .. my intentions of being of service
is ongoing .
A safe haven shall exist for mother’s & Children , to
heal from abuse and trauma , that’s dishonored in our
current social acceptance. Men shall have theirs , and
with new awareness and respect we rise never to repeat
this insanity as normal .
The family shall be honored , supported , redefined as abuses
are few , and integrity and character , replace high education
accreditation, money , lineage , zip code , religion, clubs
etc .. Who you are, How you are authentic with yourself
and others , Your Benevolence.
My awareness allows knowledge that the train arriving does
not include all, many have not packed for this train ,
which evokes fear/anger … I pray constantly, sending healing
energy’s, Faith , a yes you can… I accept free will, free choice
as I unravel the unfitness projected by many shadows
that are worthy of light ..the adversity of the human spirit
worthy of rejoicing, reunions , and recreating my new earth
with so many conscious of the vital role of each spirit that
can aide in the transformation . For me , a lot of that involves
networking within the age groups of professionals and brilliant
conscious youth ..elders in agreement, we can and we shall
do better ..we are all children , worthy of having our needs
safely secured , our homes havens of Peace , foundations
that feed our every need that we are less likely to allow
abuse of mind, body nor spirit .. 💯
Thankful for the empowering healing process offered to
families , children , parents , professions , families that
has no addiction attached …
©️
Blessings & Peace 🙏🏼🌹😘♥️
Doña Luna
The demands of providing the best life you can for your children can be stressful and often complicated. It’s even more difficult when your husband isn’t…
— Read on dailyhealthpost.com/husbands-stress-women-twice-as-much-as-children/
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