Tag: suicide

Jealous is what I believe drove him to rape

6 days after the birth of child.

Marking his territory ; witnessing a profound

love and attachment .

Having to be told , to pick up his child.

None of this was normal..9 months of

his seething , feeling betrayed ..taking

no joy, only obligation in becoming a Dad

Acknowledging this in recent years , how

much he loves that word , in his mind clears

all of what’s discussed in this video.

Apologies , owing responsibility , healing

are not going to happen; nothing moves him

and that scared me silent ..

I have never ever witness anyone so void , so

self destructive, so holding his trauma .

A feminine version of this showed up for one

last lesson, in his alter masculine/feminine

recently and it was extremely enlightening

to grasp the inner views …

Adult children , witnessed addiction, co-dependency

alcoholic and co -dependence , ignored PTSD in

a highly superior , educated , successful maternal

for whom money is everything . No communication

about these major life efforts ,to her sons , with

holding ..friends instead , walking a fine line

having no support in lieu of a repeated lesson

of exactly the same amount of time.

Hearing this renewal on steroids ,after 6 years

where I would suddenly be blasted with negativity

that was so low energy , I gave er a go.

My reward was the takeaway , Understanding

the detailed thinking , planning , timing in

order to carry out plans , in exiting a current

situation ..Draining , yes .. the dynamics brought

my very essence up for a review by a toxic trauma

laden person , stuck, fear-filled , negative and

projecting .

Hours of phone , getting in a time warp

that I found disgusting , the afternoon came

and it ended .

Trusting in change , for her blueprint , is

close , I took myself out of the equation.

I have been on the receiving end of this

hysteria , shame and blame projected

you’re it, because I say so, from folks

who have no idea of the harm to self

and others . I was that person , medicated

floundering in what I sense ( time has ✅)

how my body, the whole of me responded

in core wounds that were not all mine,

but empathically felt..Add that to generations

of abuse in DNA ..I forgave myself, surrendered

all, and live a quiet peace-love-joy, balanced

life ..

Jealousy for this, not understand the personal

power advantage of being in this place , fears

of the harsh lessons inherit in non supported

states of change , like death .

Reviewing this, intensified this attack on me,

I get that..

I have great empathy and support , and know

what is desired in heart and head and soul

will win out , over who will take care of me.

I was forced to nurture myself .. ongoing , yes

and sacred ..

No one has permission to speak to me , in such

a manner, read my blogs . Bother to hear me

over your own inner voice, speak up at the time

of the infraction I might have made or trigger .

Puking those toxins out , spewing me as a target

give me a pretty good idea , of where your coming

from , but silencing ..and I cannot afford to be

anywhere in that space with anyone .

Ever again

Saying so much about inner thinking , I did

not mourn the failure , or lay in hope

of a reunification .

It is what it is..

I aim higher , shake it off and move forward .

Stirred , Shaken, but moving on..

Resolved to step out of the matrix that allows

one sniff of behaviors to be present ,

20 plus years is quite enough , 42, excessive

but so understood now , in all it’s tentacles

given the tools to rise above .

Gratitude to be on my way..

Sun is Shining , Birds are singing

as I step in to fresh food market day , 1st this

year , intent of bliss , seeing old friends

listening to music , a simple , drama

and abuse free heaven on earth..

©️

Blessings & Peace ,

Doña Luna

www.youtube.com/watch