Tag: C-PTSD

A new decade , Thankfully the veil is being lifted from many

horrific , #erasingfamlies influences , including the parent

who must win at all cost.

Walked away Dec 27th 1998

Feb 28 th 1999, I had an *induced* suicide attempt .

* He still prefers to think I wanted to die over loosing him.

Fact : Shrink prescribed 3600 mg of an opiate per day *inducing suicide

My Mom died April 9th 1999, after 5 years of heart disease .

Our middle son graduated from high school in 1999.

I was removed from our family home , which he held on to for 2 more

years , so our youngest had a home base to finish high school , and not

live with him in his new gals place ..( one fact that never came up )

I agreed to a condo, to avoid a rental apartment . Stating there was no

equity from our home , denying me a home of my own , I settled for 4

levels , and mourned in deep medicated grief until 2003 , when our 1st

grandson was born ..Red flags , began to assail me…I had to wake

from the chemical straight jacket , and abuse .

In 1999, our Christmas was drastically altered , 21 years of tradition

of which due to my very ill state , I missed the last 5 years . Celebration

with my adult abusers just did not resonate in any form of Christianity

that I knew to be just.

He chose to spend his Christmas with his new gal and her children..

Much like a wake, our grief tangible , our 3 sons and I were guest

via my younger sister , for a buffet . Normal was blown .. in addition

to my medicated toxic state , the experience was a trauma revisited

from my childhood , when age 11/12 my parents , split at Christmas.

He was aware of this but , determined to be happy , after putting a roof

over my head for 21 years and 3 sons , I was disposed of , like the Persian

cat , he dumped a few years before .. on top of my mountain.

The mountain , we visited 20 years ago , in such shadow , has been

my home for 9 solid years .. I have grown in an environment that allows

me the freedom of not being followed or watched .. I’m a possession,

a threat to his past , that he chooses to keep skipping out of …a life’s work.

Bankrupting me , encouraging by demise , utilizing our sons/family

shame, finances , law, he contractually made promises ..The facts are clear

and still present danger that he has no intention of stopping his

party ever waiting , his happiness , his awakening or not .

Holidays were met by silence ….While my personal grief is real

I am shown , I am defiantly on my own , little more than a surrogate

a mother long since dead to her sons ..

I’m left to complete this cycle on my own as well, as I expose the

many reasons , why I have been forced , induced by my abuser

to stay quiet until I had enough , which Thankfully has been exposed

in this finale of ChildAbuse , Domestic Abuse , being excused

and supported ..

So there is no party, only acceptance that my very survival depends on

stepping out of this triangulation, still supported by Mother/Son partners

till infinity.. pushing I am not family for 43 years , I was allowed to

marry him that he could better fit in …

#NotMyCircusNotMyMonkey

©️

Blessings & Peace ,

Doña Luna

Prince 1999

www.youtube.com/watch