Tag: Men

My ” mom/dad” , nurturing Dad , James , who exited

in January 2012, and whose birthing day was January

5 th , 1930. I was born Feb 29 , 1952, his desire for a son

first time child with Mom, Joyce . Mom had a daughter

who was born on Feb 29th 1948, whom was 1 year

old at the time of their marriage March 4 th 1949

In 1951, Mom was rejected by OB as being in labor

and spontaneously delivered Joyce Marie in 1951,

who had died and begun signs of decomposing

Dad explained . Blisters on her body , which is

buried , unmarked in the ancestral church grave

yard ..

I was born in 52, and I’m sure Mom had C-PTSD

and my inability to nurse ,regrettably created

more grief and shame . I had to be returned to the

hospital , severely dehydrated , 5 days after birth.

Dad explained that Mom’s had been unable to

nurture me, and if he had not nurtured me

no one else would have .

I was very happy to have the awareness that he

was slipping away , slowly and we talked of

heart matters and cleared so much , that lacked

only his being made aware , as I did from child

hood on. One pop from his belt , left one mark

and I stood up to him at that time , aged 4/5

and he never ever used physical violence

against me.

He may not have understood me , always but

he wasn’t vicious , or silently withdrawn , we

cleared our stuff and moved onward , never

brought up again.

His last years , were of lifting from a depression

of Mom’s exit in 1999. His restricted life was

a form of self protection , and withdrawal from

family members he came to be reunited with

his last years..The last 5 1/2 months , were high

low and everything between, until his finale .

The growth , the healing, the love as well

as undeniable realities , will lend themselves

to my efforts in transformation , as I witnessed

denial of dignity , and much adverse action

that’s is barbaric . I grasp that it was after-all his

his journey , and I was but a part of it.

The dynamics allowed me to understand my

” caregiving ” was and is instinctive , and

more on mark than not , and the Divinity

and Light of my essence was always tested

in a family , that’s fractured traumatic parts

are denied , and that allowed my poor choices

and failures to escape the mindset of energy

of compliance to abuse in male dominate

examples, ie ” former” ..

I’m not the ” fixer” , it’s not my job , but the

experience of being with Dad as he exited

watching his awareness of spirit guides

and his acceptance , as I witnessed his ” labor”

in returning to the womb of the great mother

my joy was absolute for I knew he would return

as he has in spirit. Our circle , will not be

broken, and he will present in another form,

as he pledged to me , and I to him , as “family

soul mates ” , I His ” Mom, and emotional partner

who grasped his deepest joy and pain, as it

came up in loudness, or harshness or anger ,

his lack of understanding , helplessness

and yes his failings and unhealed trauma ..

We nurtured each other , and it wasn’t grasped

in a dynamic of not communication basic life

issues , and silently approved of disenchantments

and divisions within families .

With Dad’s exit , I stepped away from ” family”

withholders, and abuses that defy what my

perception of family is..

Certainly many ” triggered” acts that related to

” formers” disposal/abuses as if from a play book,

and finally much can be put to rights .

And that gift 🎁, from Dad to me, was not to give

up.. truth and light did , and still do cast away

shadows ; James (supplementor) Abner( Father Of

Light) Wheeler ( wheelwright) was transforming

and transformed from moral suffering , very passionate

and attached , who missed his Mom, Minnie

and felt Mom’s presence and essence until

he exited. Time stopped for him with her passing

as I witnessed in preparing their home for

organization , and ease in preparing , finding

treasures along the way , sharing with him

then siblings ..

Challenges were many , but I know, that he

knows I did my best; he lets me know👍🏼🤓♥️

So missing his actual voice , or physical

presence is tempered by his freedom from

the constraints and trauma and torture of

our current transformation , towards heaven

on earth , I fully expected to be reunited with

Dad , and Mom, on a cosmic level for a reunion

of joy , and bliss that will include many souls

gone before me ..

Happy Birthday Daddy

Love Always & Forever

Punkin’