Tag: consciousness

This song applies to men in my life, Beloved’s,

so many who have been separated from their life

as beings vs doers…Devalued , as Spiritual,

Sensitive , In all manner of ways in the

culture of suicide , I certainly noted in Mama

who did not hear me, to Dad who did , and

checked into it .. He researched, read , watched

informative programs on his own time , which

was precious little. His inability to correctly

articulate his feelings , was awkward , funny

teasing and enduring .. I had no problem

being honest with him , and that was paramount

as I came to in 2003 , and in that heightened inducement

of mania , I picked up the gauntlet to insure

his last years would witness his Divine Rebirth

Of Spirit and out of the Shadow .

So intensely independent , I had not been allowed

to have an awareness of his personal stuff. He

discussed health issues , lack of care therein ,

concerned about cost, government, etc

and I watched the diminishment, intensify

having no clue of his RX which were guided

by a NP family add on who rescued him

often out her stash.. It’s common , both

having wads Of prescriptions as is common

if you’re in the business…of AMA death ..

Dad spent many years out of it , doing his

coping , self care , holed up in his home

in his BarcaLounger , content in his world.

Blocked grief was slowly and gently released

as I healed and as he began his in / out ,

I was allowed the gift of recalling him of

both his Mom and his wife , whom he

had openly mourned in a culture of society

that withdrew from him , in the pain

associated with another’s grief , and pain.

Only his youngest sister whom called every

Sunday , cared deeply and heard him

when I was unable by psychiatry, DA ,

and loss of our children’s faith and love.

I put it together in those last years , with

an awareness in the last 18 months , foretold

and put into motion to create the most

deserved Divine exit, including releasing

him from guilt , shame, all the lower energy

which were evoked by those caretakers

who profited in many ways , including

the Karmic fallout , they were ill prepared

for.

Releasing with him was freaking hard, but

I stood, even as I was shamed . I walked

away , in my not being allowed to know

his diagnosis .

Until the very end …

However , I realized that like the child he was

to my mother , and vice verse , I had to gift him

by letting him go, in my consciousness .

I allowed my heart to break open at his

bravery , for being my guide , in grieving

as I was unable to as Mim exited in 99

and scream at the denial, due psychiatry

shadow and the gift in that because her exit

would have triggered so many traumas

as an unhealed survivor , I could have lost

myself permanently in the matrix ..

She had hung in until sister Bonnie , her

1st joined her in a portal of welcome as they

both crossed .

Mom was waiting , undone , watching over

each of us since 1999.. Dad held in until

2012, as he openly expressed his concern for

“How would I be without him”. I touched my

heart , then my head , I assured him he

would always and forever be , as would Mom.

The pain associated with my childhood

was by then tempered , reviewed , reduced

in such a way to make it all about him.

Ideally , but without support , I was unable

due to his concern of burning through his

estate , and leaving me nothing .

As I had been disadvantaged in my marriage

as he reviewed his loss , he was StockholmEd

as revenge and greed in real time allowed

me to know I was out of that matrix for sure

as threats rained from mouths of womb mates

I realized my error in judgement of masculine

energy was an in-house filter , that created

my ability to sense that in men , totally

missing the narcissist who is the trauma

victim often forever and ever .

As this song denotes the standard masculine

concept of his worth , upheld by an unconscious

family/partner/society is relegated to an end

such as it was.

Proudly Dad labored toward his open portal

towards Divine that I witnessed over the hours

and he did resists , drugged into submission

morphined that there were no words to be

exchanged .

Our connection was such , that words

were not necessary .

I requested and received music to aid him

for hours , his music .. Amongst the lowest

of low for this Beloved Father Of Light

(Abner) I watched as he rose , to join his

angels and spirit guide , witnessed his seeing

them at least 6 times and I was eased

into releasing him into the loving arms

he so deserved .

What was negative in the exit was external

energy of lower consciousness that did not

deflect the Divinity . The sibling abuses

continued with legal abuse , financial abuse

threats and control ..Spewing their toxic

emotions, I was aware of the finality of Dads

earth existence was ending the abusive

sibling contract , and that was indeed

a gift as a elder responsible Old Soul .

It was much like a labor, a birth in

witnessing Dad’s exit , regretting Mama

did not have the same experience ..letting

go..allowing light to heal the shadow , but

NOT ONCE regretful of his much delayed

exit.

He exited as he was assured I was ok.

He was aware and is of what went down

and will guide and protect me in my truth

and revelations , finding my voice even

as my heart pounds , to STAND for the

more conscious choices in child rearing

divine masculine of balanced natures

and nurture ..

Knowing you are enough is essential

Not allowing anyone to abuse that , in any

manner will cost ya, dearly …

Dad left here knowing better , as I give

Thanks each day for his essential light

and love ,

For each man ready to receive the message

Top of the World bringing heaven to earth

requires effort you are worthy and capable

of , and the Beloved awaits your tempered

fire and return to love , ever lasting

ever and ever more .

Blessings & Peace ,

Doña Luna

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