Tag: death

It was a heavy burden , holding the manifestations

of a definite lack of all natural emotions. Empathy

was so lacking , I was often triggered .

As the anniversary of our eldest’s birth is celebrated

by child and family , I am holding space , and allowing

to feel what is ..

The harshest experience followed 6 days after delivery .

Apparently marking his territory, after nursing

and joining him in bed , I was raped .

Through my pain, my compliance necessary

for safety .

My 1st fear was of another pregnancy .

My 2nd was my awareness , that I would not

finically be able to care for our new born, and

he was too ” married ” to his social status and his

money.

It was the 2nd time in marriage that he forced

sex , and later in therapy these rapes were dismissed.

It was difficult to understand , but he had a free

pass kinda life …Parents and money always got

him out of trouble ; his network included

Sports Car Club members , as well as groups I was

not aware of until 2007.

Shadow was his normal, laughter induced by alcohol

and in the 11 th year , in my breakthrough-breakdown

I accepted the abuse , returned from a hellish 17

days away from our children , determined to

shine my mother light , but became the wife

he wanted ..forsaking our sons .

Stepford ” wife” thus addicted to RX drugs legally,

sick beyond belief , for 5 extremely long years

I was so incapable , so reduced mentally and

physically , I often witnessed his dispassionate

disposal , horrified at the model for our children ,

all teens , each bearing the shame of his abuse.

And dependent as I was , on this man who grows

worse with time.

With the ending of what appeared for all to see,

his perfect fun relationship with a sweetie he

duped for 20 years , recreating the same karma

and with her reduced health , unable to work

she also knew the disposal of a man who values

only your output as it applies to him.

Think about boys who model this accepted ,

into manhood , affluent and connected , who

have a very shaky foundation , induced into

joining Dad , or loose his approval and connection.

It happened …

His compassion has allowed him to create many

illegal , inhumanities that have been absolved

by our state . By our society , by friends , and

family .

His .

That said , in his belief he would not be held

responsible for anything denies the facts .

It’s really been traumatic to fully accept his

disconnected self , over 42 years now ,

given the to god long ago.

I understand I am his target in his mind ,

and his every failure in 1 person , for several

reasons. Certainly it’s about money , however

his detachment spiritually , bonding with our

children , parenting being uber casual made

me the heavy. Responsible for every failure

in his victim status ..

Winner takes all , gravely abuses families

in the brother sister hood that ignored abusers .

And yes , lack of compassion is common in

securing legal support , psychological , medical

support , because it’s painfully traumatic to hear

the horror stories of C-PTSD , who’ve been duped

into believing they are mentally ill, induced into

mental physical states that render them

incapacitated, that they may be yet further

disadvantaged by their abuser .

Compassion ? Even basic humanity , is only

for show. Our sons have never witnessed his

abuse towards me ..only his dramatic lies

twisted , mangled lies in Family for 42 years .

Destroying all but him, a family fractured

for his happiness and ability to begin again

virginal , a path of abused and neglected souls

left in his return to mother .

Always mother who holds his heart, and compassion

and calm. Anger , rage and abuses never allowed

towards her , are missives to his beloved’s .

Holding these beliefs are his choice as not being

a silent scape goat is mine . In light of the

personal experience being far too common ,

and normalized in this country , acknowledging

the existence of the characteristics of a person

who does so much harm , will know universal

law , where human kind has become law.

The Narcissist’s Defining Feature: A Lack of Empathy – Esteemology
— Read on esteemology.com/the-narcissists-defining-feature-a-lack-of-empathy/