Tag: consciousness

Totally an experience that was shocking to become aware through

varied life experiences how separated he was from reality .

Threatened by anything that brought change he did not

control , a change in his monies being always and ever

the 1st priority . A 1st year of major change , with a pregnancy

3 months in , altered his world with total disregard to wife

or infant . It encouraged his retreat , seemingly apparent

disappointment that I would not support his extremely

detachment , or his zero to rage .. Trying to be all baby needed,

run his house , doing all that he could come home when he

chose , spend a few hours , bed at 11pm no matter what , up

at 6, living for Friday night, Sat night socializing , drinking

being seen at the right place .

Business conversation dominated visits with his parents

discussions of folks I did not know , so after a cursory

acknowledge of myself , then our 1st born I withdrew

a bit ..It only became more pronounced as I noted

a tolerance only in public , but missed that he was

only in our marriage as part of the mask required

to round out his social image .. My pedigree was definitely

not in alignment with the MIL, and there were many

vulgar reminders of that ; in contact critical eyes that took in

every bite of food, every word, every action or non

action . I did not fall in , morphing into her … as he increasingly

bore increasing financial responsibility, both projected

my unworthiness as a stay at home Mom to 3 sons our

6 years .. His place assured in business/social, having to

show up for a few family functions , refusing any participation

in any spiritual practice , peppered with flash rages that

hit their target , when ever he chose in his house .

Apologies , promises but always a next time , increasingly

more harmful and shaming , in abuse that disregarded

my highly sensitive nature , high spiritual faith ,lacking

empathy for not only me , but infants ..

I could not deny with our 3rd son , MIL and son saw me

as a surrogate for propagation of the family name

and not measuring up as a wife , nor mother .

Secrets were dominate in their world , as I became

more vulnerable, depleted and extremely concerned

for our family , I took the responsibility to find resolutions

though my faith , trust ..my very soul knew how abusive

I did not grasp that a profession that offered healing ,

was indeed the gift , with the guise of psychiatry-medicine

that addicted me , calling my deeply adverse reactions as

manifestations of a disease , instead of Domestic Abuse-Child

Abuse , totally missing Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

or the physical reactions of toxicity to the deadly chemicals .

I was silenced , shut up.. securing secrets , abuses beyond

comprehension, that have been accepted as he mask a normal

that allowed him to push forward with his new life, new supply

as my living grief and that of our sons was ignored , and still

is to a degree that has been impossible in my healing ,

impossible to ignore ..

Professionals are certainly challenged by the many abuses

within the whole of it, as this has been normalized

and very profitable . Change is accepting responsibility

and that’s taught in many profound ways , it’s not

lying that is the issue , covering the lies , abuses is the

only issue ….

My realization personally , my failure to listen to my inner

spirit warnings , and to have been compliant with his

being #1..not making our son, my only focus and leaving on

his 6 th day outside my body … Certainly I acted as survivors

do, and I had faith, and I stayed , well aware of how harsh

extracting myself and our son, later 3 sons , from his world

of favors and shadows ; connections that always supported

his need ..lawful or not ..he had an in .. that clarity took

30 years to actualize with FILs death .. it’s been a freaking

landslide of falsehoods that I am sure are not all of the

nightmare of marriage and divorce , where my

physical death , with his retaining his shadow , his property

his sons, his grandchildren and his money 💰 insure

his new life , new supply dominate . 🙈🙊🙉

The “new” supply of “happy” he ran to 20 years

ago , again reduced to a very low , her Mom died ,she

became vulnerable, very very ill ,thus more aware of

her place, or lack thereof blatant discrimination, an

unhealthy waste due to inability to produce revenue , targeted

as I was by MIL, then son …was abled to walk out ..and

his carefully laid plans to triumph , trophies 🏆intact ,

his purchase of a high performance car, self care intensive ,

diseases disappearing , discovering his new happy gal

with an intensive to woo her , gain her love and trust

and come after me …

counting on our sons support , he continues

as I shall ever be his target of

failures , his consciousness..that I survived horror threatens

all.

that I should thrive is very clearly has not been

supported as will be made clear , very soon.

I have faith , that I will be heard , and I am Thankful to

all the voices raised in saying enough ..

That he signed documents , made promises to

negotiate , that his character is unmasking

in his highest good , as he does a review of

his successes , always in denial of his failures

that I and our sons shall be liberated from

sooner than later .

More than a few indicators of the necessary truths

and awareness of how to create a flow of understanding

in systems that have been duped , as I was …

Change requires acceptance that shadow does exist .

Yea, though you walk through the shadow of death

I am with you as you are with me , comforted me

as a child … My awareness is now surrendered to

my highest good .. my intentions of being of service

is ongoing .

A safe haven shall exist for mother’s & Children , to

heal from abuse and trauma , that’s dishonored in our

current social acceptance. Men shall have theirs , and

with new awareness and respect we rise never to repeat

this insanity as normal .

The family shall be honored , supported , redefined as abuses

are few , and integrity and character , replace high education

accreditation, money , lineage , zip code , religion, clubs

etc .. Who you are, How you are authentic with yourself

and others , Your Benevolence.

My awareness allows knowledge that the train arriving does

not include all, many have not packed for this train ,

which evokes fear/anger … I pray constantly, sending healing

energy’s, Faith , a yes you can… I accept free will, free choice

as I unravel the unfitness projected by many shadows

that are worthy of light ..the adversity of the human spirit

worthy of rejoicing, reunions , and recreating my new earth

with so many conscious of the vital role of each spirit that

can aide in the transformation . For me , a lot of that involves

networking within the age groups of professionals and brilliant

conscious youth ..elders in agreement, we can and we shall

do better ..we are all children , worthy of having our needs

safely secured , our homes havens of Peace , foundations

that feed our every need that we are less likely to allow

abuse of mind, body nor spirit .. 💯

Thankful for the empowering healing process offered to

families , children , parents , professions , families that

has no addiction attached …

©️

Blessings & Peace 🙏🏼🌹😘♥️

Doña Luna

The demands of providing the best life you can for your children can be stressful and often complicated. It’s even more difficult when your husband isn’t…
— Read on dailyhealthpost.com/husbands-stress-women-twice-as-much-as-children/