Reality of Adult Children adapted to distortion

Have any of you had an adult or nearly adult, child make you feel like you’re still living with their parent? My oldest decided at 14, he wanted to live with his dad. At 19 now, with the help of his therapist, has seen through the bs and asked me to move in here. Of course, we opened our home for him, got him a job, have bent over backwards to ensure this feels like home to him. I love him being here, for the most part. He often comes to me when I’m just settling into bed, wanting to start an argument though. Because I stayed as long as I did. Because at 14, despite the lawyer and judge telling me I had no leg to stand on, I didn’t fight for him. There’s so much anger directed at me vs his dad and I feel like I’ve stepped back into that relationship again. ESPECIALLY with it all starting when I’m relaxed and ready to go to sleep. All of a sudden, he needs to talk and I’m the worst mom ever and if I try to tell him we can discuss tomorrow, he’s following me everywhere telling me that we need to talk now. I’m having such a hard time feeling the way I feel about my own child. I love him so much, but honestly, after being free from everything for 5 years now, I can not step back into it. I dont know how to get this across though without sounding like I am not willing to discuss it. I told him the other day, we can discuss all of this, im fully open to being candid and honest with you (we’ve had many, many, deep conversations regarding all of this) but that I could not be his punching bag. That I could not he kept up all night because he was itching for a fight with someone. 95% of the time, it absolutely breaks his heart if he sees me upset over something. He goes out of his way to help me, but that 5% its like he is enjoying the hell out of upsetting me. Pushing and pushing and saying absolutely horrible things and it’s like once he has me weak, vulnerable and crying, he’s ready for bed. Not until that point though. I’m really not sure how to handle this or where to even start?

Childress on Child Abuse

In the absence of child abuse, parents have the right to parent according to their cultural values, their personal values, and their religious values.

In the absence of child abuse, each parent should have as much time and involvement with their child as possible.

In the absence of child abuse, to restrict either parent’s time and involvement with their child would damage the child’s attachment bond to that parent, thereby harming the child and harming the parent.

Is there child abuse? Let’s get a proper risk assessment for possible child abuse.

Either,

1) child abuse by the targeted parent accounting for the child’s attachment pathology toward that parent,

Or.

2) child psychological abuse by the allied parent, i.e., a shared persecutory delusion created by the collapse of a narcissistic-borderline personality parent surrounding divorce.

One way or the other, we’re looking at a likely child abuse diagnosis. We need a proper risk assessment for possible child abuse.

From Walters & Friedlander: “In some RRD families [resist-refuse dynamic], a parent’s underlying encapsulated delusion about the other parent is at the root of the intractability (cf. Johnston & Campbell, 1988, p. 53ff; Childress, 2013). An encapsulated delusion is a fixed, circumscribed belief that persists over time and is not altered by evidence of the inaccuracy of the belief.” (Walters & Friedlander, 2016, p. 426)

From Walters & Friedlander: “When alienation is the predominant factor in the RRD [resist-refuse dynamic}, the theme of the favored parent’s fixed delusion often is that the rejected parent is sexually, physically, and/or emotionally abusing the child. The child may come to share the parent’s encapsulated delusion and to regard the beliefs as his/her own (cf. Childress, 2013).” (Walters & Friedlander, 2016, p. 426)

Walters, M. G., & Friedlander, S. (2016). When a child rejects a parent: Working with the intractable resist/refuse dynamic. Family Court Review, 54(3), 424–445.

What is the diagnosis? Is there a shared persecutory delusion? We need an answer to that question.

If the mental health person cannot answer that question – is there a shared persecutory delusion? – then they are pointless to the situation because we need an answer to that question.

IT… IS… SIMPLE. Is there a shared persecutory delusion? Yes? No?

How do they know if they don’t even look to see? Do the child’s symptoms meet diagnostic criteria for a persecutory delusion? How about we use Item 11 on the Brief Psychiatric Rating Scale for Unusual Thought Content (delusions), “one of the oldest, most widely used scales to measure psychotic symptoms,” to rate the delusional quality of the belief.

Or you can write the answer on a napkin. Tell us by smoke signals for all I care… we just need an answer, is there a shared persecutory delusion – a fixed and false belief in supposed “victimization”?

The treatment for cancer is different than the treatment for diabetes. Diagnosis guides treatment. If we treat cancer with insulin then the patient dies from the misdiagnosed cancer.

What is the diagnosis?

“I don’t diagnose, I don’t like to pathologize” Then you’re a pretty worthless person to the situation because we need a diagnosis.

Is there child abuse? V995.51 Child Psychological Abuse? Why are we not routinely getting an answer to that question for court-involved family conflict?

They deserve to lose their license. Look at all they’re putting you through because they won’t diagnose Child Psychological Abuse (V995.51) when it’s warranted. They have duty to protect obligations, and they are not protecting your child.

Knowledge is power. Planning is power. The pathogen is now-reactive. Plan ahead, move step-by-step on a linear path to the goal. You want a written treatment plan to fix things please.

Google mental health treatment plans and read the first two returns – one of those please.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857

Hug the Mother

Hold the mother, not the baby.⁣

Because the baby’s being taken care of—⁣

fed, snuggled, and given all the love in the world—⁣

by not only the mother,⁣

but her partner, grandparents, siblings, cousins, and friends.⁣

But the mother,⁣

may have gaps in her mind from lack of sleep,⁣

may be mechanical in her motions as she’s healing,⁣

may feel more like a mess than a mother,⁣

may be sitting in bed, crying, feeling overwhelmed in her body and life,⁣

may be full of mom guilt because in her mind, “she’s not good enough,”⁣

and she’s bleeding, wincing in pain, swollen and emotional.⁣

And the mother’s that baby’s whole world and needs to be seen, so she doesn’t disappear into that postpartum fog.⁣

So, hold the mother, not the baby.⁣

A mother agrees that her baby matters more.⁣

But she’s hurting, while she’s the person behind the baby,⁣

in the background, making it all happen:⁣

feeding her baby at all hours,⁣

snuggling her baby close to comfort newborn cries,⁣

and being that baby’s everything.⁣

So, it’s the mother who needs your love.⁣

And a mother will remember who held her up.⁣

So instead of “I’m coming to see the baby,”⁣

try saying, “I’m coming to see you 𝘢𝘯𝘥 meet the baby, too.”⁣

Because the mother needs to be held more.⁣

📸: This Mama Doodles

……………………………………………..⁣⁣

My Children’s Book 𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘖𝘬𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘖𝘬𝘢𝘺: 𝘈𝘥𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘴 𝘎𝘦𝘵 𝘉𝘪𝘨 𝘍𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘛𝘰𝘰 is out everywhere: https://amzn.to/317TvVc

BabyCries

The education I received , perhaps through Dr Spock was to allow baby cry up to 15 minutes . I am not sure if I allowed 15 minutes but I disregarded my gut too much with regard to our sons. If I asked , the Dr etc he trusted my intuition and he was misinformed through his education which has been lacking in authentic knowledge . And allowing for new information, growth and change that are fact .

Another news flash for me was the universal cry sounds of babies that are specific .

I felt I had way too much to do ,being responsible and pleasing others to sit with my infant in my arms but I talked to them , acknowledged them as our family grew . I had few outlets ; walking was therapeutic but waxed and waned .

I am sure I was not held for my Mom was never demonstrative , tender or nurturing in my memories . I have knowledge of whys she may have been with holding and marriage to that same energy within a sacred union with children involved was devastating.

Their love was so healing and highlighted the lacks of love by others especially their Dad .

And he weaponized that love to advantage himself .

I enjoy sacred hugs but am touched by many in my life without physical contact .

I feel held

I feel supported

I feel loved 🥰

youtu.be/ctlZyc_k28U

Shove Ins ( body snatchers )

I was evaluated by a woman in 07 by phone appointment , as being a 1st Wave Indigo . She explained that while I was in the hospital , after birthing our 3rd son , ” Jessica” was brought to my hospital after a suicidal act . She shoved her soul which was in a state of addiction with me .

She had lost her precious daughter and felt she could not go on .

I became more aware with our 3rd son how distorted our world really was . I became a shell of myself , realizing I was not valued as a partner , as a wife and there was little I could do but hang in and try hard for normalcy for our sons . It wasn’t ; I simply could not ignore the facts … it only got worse .

I conquered Jessica’s implants and her addictions which were by force by a doctor , compliant by a husband and accepted by every hint of support I had .

Jessica soul retrieval allowed her spiritual reunification with her precious daughters spirit and they walked in fields of gold for eternity.

I am better informed , trust my ancestors , angels and spirit guides of benevolent intent and accept my blessings for my the trust and faith and guidance that has allowed healing and clearing of ancient bloodlines .

As such it is a brand new world , co creating with honor and respect for all that got me here as New Earth births ; I am aware of the totality of losses and I grieve .

All is well with my soul

#Acceptance

youtube.com/shorts/KCk2KuyzowI

Living Connection : Mother & Child

“During pregnancy, some baby cells migrate into the mother’s bloodstream and then return to the child. It’s called “mother-fetal microchimerism”.

For 41 weeks, the cells mix and circulate back and forth, and, after the baby is born, many of these cells remain in the mother’s body, leaving a permanent imprint in the tissues, bones, brain and skin of the baby to mother, and they often remain there for decades.

Every other child a mother has will leave a similar imprint on her body.

Even if a pregnancy doesn’t end, or if you have an abortion, these cells still migrate into the bloodstream.

Research has shown that if a mother’s heart is injured, fetal cells will rush to the injury site, and transform into different types of cells that specialize in repairing the heart.

The child helps the mother repair, while the mother builds the child.

This is often the reason why some diseases fade away during pregnancy.

It’s amazing how the mother’s body protects the baby at all costs, and the baby protects and rebuilds the mother in return, so they can safely develop and survive.

Let’s think about pregnancy cravings for a moment. What did the mother need, that the child make her wish?

The studies also showed the presence of fetal cells in her mother’s brain 18 years after birth.

How wonderful is this? ”

From an article by Nargis Kizalbash

Art by Enric Huguet (@enric. hugs)

Nature Nurtures

New Earth

Day 808 – Nature nurtures

There is a global awakening essential to the fact that this beautiful planet we call home has provided sustenance for life to thrive for eons and it is the programmed mind control away from that truth to a manufactured existence that has brought us to this crisis. Nature nurtures, life is part of a cycle of giving and receiving and this cycle has been broken for power and greed by a very few to the detriment of Gaia herself and all that live upon her. It is time for every individual to accept the response ability to restore the balance of nature in any way possible. To live in harmony with nature, we must first remember that we are nature and learn to live in harmony with each other. Anything or anyone who puts out information that pits one person against the other, one nation against the other, one race against the other is against the balance and wellbeing of the thriving of life itself. The continuing fear mongering of the media cartel is intended to divide and weaken, and only by coming together in peace, in honour, respect and love can we rise above that and return to the balance of nature and the wellbeing of all. BUT, the buck stops here and the time has come to nurture nature so that it can and will nurture us in return and life on planet Earth will once more be in balance and the Garden of Eden can flourish. The New Earth Communities worldwide are on the move. Namaste ❤ ❤

#Life #nature #newearth #newearthcommunities