Tag: C-PTSD

This song when current , was true and to the

degree that our marriage had never been

and was never going to be healthy .

How could he know me , as I had to know

why his hatred towards me ran so deep

as to withhold himself.

The rabbit hole was far deeper and darker

than any nightmare I had in my life .

Including my brief drug experimentation

illegally . I did not realized the many

inducted dis-eases with addictive “side effects”.

I have come to realize that both Grandmothers

had adverse side effects , of Valium, the mother

of Xanax to which I subsumed.

I do not know my Mother’s drug regimens due

to my own induced addiction state of hell.

There was much grief , shame and anger

as I healed , in being unavailable in these

passages that are often vulgar displays of

the lowest of vibrating energy . Former showed

up flanked my his parents in 99 when Mom

exited . Flagrantly showing his love , outside

our home , openly before , I was to discover

I saw the as a Christian’s , affirmation.

I was not allowed to participate when his

Dad exited, and have not been abled to

locate a grave site . A Beloved nephew , who

exited be for him , catalyzed his decline ,

his addiction to Paxil , which he handed out

to anyone who wanted to be happy , and

his fat laden diet aided in an aneurism

in a kidney .

( * my understanding of what was told to me

may or not be true.)

No lawsuit was chosen , a million dollar bill

for hospital care , (1 year) , and his being

kept alive by sheer will.

Her diet attempts , saw him run an errand

after dinner for a fast food burger 🍔!

A kindly man , he stayed in the flow , Docile

Domestication .

So I had no idea of the trauma and rages

exhibited without warning , that sadly

have no end toward me. Nor with the

most recent supply that escaped near dead …

There was nothing in shallow Hal, that

is missable , grieves me, shame me ,

haunts me, angers me , or I can attach love

to. The years , decades long of concern

for his soul growth, long acknowledged,

accepted , and surrendered him to Divine.

He certainly deserves the healing , and

I expect his continue supported effort at

protecting himself financially , and skimming

self healing .. socially acceptable.

Of all I know change has adverse effects on

him, until all’s in perfect order . Perfect doesn’t

exist .

I found myself actualizing a mirror , when

raging , in privacy in my home , alone

by saying the words , I could not say one

on one , and I scared myself ! Not yet grasping

how much I had mirrored former , my inner

child , so much rage induced by trauma

unhealed , unacknowledged , fired up

by prescription medications .

My left arm throbbed enough to signal

backing down , getting chiller .

Buddhism helped, and yet I allowed

myself to be triggered and responding

in trauma induced situations , until

my edification of Domestic Abuse / Child

Abuse , PharmaAbuse Legal Abuse ,

Medical Abuse , in a culture of suicide

are .

I tried then to be more aware , less toxic , and

kinder to myself .

I am considering carrying a hand mirror to

energy vampires , gone mad , as was my recent

attack by a busy man in a parking lot .

Bam , here see what I see?

Not your best choice.

Suicide rates , and violence escalates in

such transitional, times as we now find

our world in. No New World Order , No

End Days as many are signaling.

Heaven is pulling to Earth ,Earth is pulling

Heaven that will require change .

I exit the matrix of lack , and own my

light of love ❤️, that will never , ever feel

unworthy or unloved or alone .

©️

Blessings & Peace .

Doña Luna

Simply Red – Holding On

www.youtube.com/watch