A marriage , a grandson , were weaponized to block me after I failed to be able to help with childcare ; I was DOA .
It’s very sad to know and accept that our sons would prefer my death and that hasn’t changed in 20 years .
It’s easier
Tag: relationships
To Love a Man
“If you want to change the world love a man; really love him.
Choose the one whose soul calls to yours clearly who sees you; who is brave enough to be afraid
Accept his hand and guide him gently to your hearts blood
Where he can feel your warmth upon him and rest there
And burn his heavy load in your fires
Look into his eyes look deep within and see what lies dormant or awake or shy or expectant there
Look into his eyes and see there his fathers and grandfathers and all the wars and madness their spirits fought in some distant land, some distant time
Look upon their pains and struggles and torments and guilt; without judgment
And let it all go
Feel into his ancestral burden
And know that what he seeks is safe refuge in you
Let him melt in your steady gaze
And know that you need not mirror that rage
Because you have a womb, a sweet, deep gateway to wash and renew old wounds
If you want to change the world love a man, really love him
Sit before him, in the full majesty of your woman in the breath of your vulnerability
In the play of your child innocence in the depths of your death
Flowering invitation, softly yielding, allowing his power as a man
To step forward towards you…and swim in the Earth’s womb, in silent knowing, together
And when he retreats…because he will…flees in fear to his cave…
Gather your grandmothers around you…envelope in their wisdoms
Hear their gentle shusshhhed whispers, calm your frightened girls’ heart
Urging you to be still…and wait patiently for his return
Sit and sing by his door, a song of remembrance, that he may be soothed, once more
If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him
Do not coax out his little boy
With guiles and wiles and seduction and trickery
Only to lure him…to a web of destruction
To a place of chaos and hatred
More terrible than any war fought by his brothers
This is not feminine this is revenge
This is the poison of the twisted lines
Of the abuse of the ages, the rape of our world
And this gives no power to woman it reduces her as she cuts off his balls
And it kills us all
And whether his mother held him or could not
Show him the true mother now
Hold him and guide him in your grace and your depth
Smoldering in the center of the Earth’s core
Do not punish him for his wounds that you think don’t meet your needs or criteria
Cry for him sweet rivers
Bleed it all back home
If you want to change the world love a man, really love him
Love him enough to be naked and free
Love him enough to open your body and soul to the cycle of birth and of death
And thank him for the opportunity
As you dance together through the raging winds and silent woods
Be brave enough to be fragile and let him drink in the soft, heady petals of your being
Let him know he can hold you stand up and protect you
Fall back into his arms and trust him to catch you
Even if you’ve been dropped a thousand times before
Teach him how to surrender by surrendering yourself
And merge into the sweet nothing, of this worlds’ heart
If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him
Encourage him, feed him, allow him, hear him, hold him, heal him
And you, in turn, will be nourished and supported and protected
By strong arms and clear thoughts and focused arrows
Because he can, if you let him, be all that you dream
If you want to love a man…love yourself…love your father…
Love your brother…your son… your ex-partner…from the first boy you kissed…
To the last one you wept over…
Give thanks for the gifts…of your unravelling…to this meeting…
Of the one who stands before you now….
And find in him the seed…to all that’s new and solar…
A seed that you can feed…to help direct the planting…
To grow a new world, together…..”
~Lauren Wilce
Change
This property was depicted as my safe place after 4 very months of bouncing around after my COVID eviction.
Having given away most of my furniture, there were things there I could use and things that I helped facilitate giving away for owners.
It was never cleaned and sadly I found the tenet before me was the only child and with her son ( grandson ) had been evicted as well before me !!! Of course stories abound but I find it interesting and example this house which did rent to a man and repairs are being made as noted in this shot . New deck and new paint .
An offer was made to sell at $50 over what was paid and my research showed a reduction in value 10k what was paid by current owners/landlords . I did not find my self desperate enough to buy it at such a high price with such obvious and varied repairs , far greater that was we saw today .
Notices to move (30 days )were the result of my friendship with the only child to whom I was told not to talk to.
Many stories were created and embellished to create the belief that we the renters were to blame and deserved to be ” thrown out ”
Many times I asked ” Am I safe here , and was always reassured that I was .
The male tenet HAS a lease !
The views are magnificent but there is a negative vibe attached to this ” gated community ” where I began to feel I was watched and certainly was true of a repair guy who worked for them , and would just show up , parked in the yard , in the storage shed which he had lots of stuff as well as the owners who allowed that I would have space to store my things , rather than pay storage else where. I was not comfortable with the situation nor the ability of repairs . A washer was replaced with yard sale type 2nds due to a spring having gone bad which was missed by their examination and discovered by my 23 year old repair man !
A very harsh winter , time with no electric power after being told it NEVER happened ! And I was not checked in on by these folks in any way , shape or form .
It was discovered after I left end of July 2021 that dementia and pre existing mental illness ( life long secret ) gripped 1 of the 2 and I had to feel that I had dodged a bullet .
All in all … wasted time
wasted faith
wasted money
And the betrayal of home and heart that sadly has met its mark with an only child and their son .
It did however result in the acceptance of truths and healing for the child/grandchild
Photo credit
Laura B
Today begins Domestic Abuse Awareness
I’ll be writing deeply about this on personal level , revealing facts that are in conflict with universal law , gods law , as man became the law and our world became lawless .
Natural time , quantum influences…. it’s a day long coming and yes it’s been a very pain filled journey with enough beauty and consciousness to temper the harsh lessons .
It’s long awaited , this new beginning , and excruciating to not be heard legally which can and will be part of the change that has erased many a family
Blessings 🙏 & Peace ✌️
Dona Luna
domesticabuseawareness.org/2022/10/17/be-aware-of-the-consequences/
Xanax is a M Fer
I totally concur with this man’s conclusions on Xanax , which I was given off label for IBS . IBS and marital difficulties were Axis or code used in the DSM which has a code for everything so it can be billed with insurance .
Xanax was deadly ; I had no idea what it was , only that my IBS calmed now somewhat . I wasn’t able to sleep 😴 which had been intensified in marriage but was life long .
When I had the chemically induced nervous breakdown , by counting the RX ; I had taken 5 Xanax per day for about 12 days .
Our eldest son , 11 years old stayed home that day from school and subjected to my induced mental state and never discussed, healed or put this horrible experience to rest .
Prescribed Drugs , especially benzodiazepines are deadly in many ways especially families.
Relationships collapse as the busyness of our world encourages us to move on ….
This is too generational , ancestral and so much information exist that just as this video exposes the reality, the truth , so must the past injustices be healed and in accepting guidance from ancestors, assurance and support are not questioned .
I have great faith in concluding old business and surrendering to creation of New Earth and my home within it as my place in this world solidifies !
I am very Thankful to my teachers , each and every one and as I rest and reenergize , I quietly celebrate with knowledge that much lie ahead .
So I rest ; using only natural supplements and methods and accept I’m long out of the illusions of the matrix that is modern human generated medicine . I remember well my life’s journey in what I consider “toxic soup” and all that it cost me and our children as it fed the shadow of a partner who wished to exit the hero and keeper of all he had amassed , especially his sons , his money and his family reputation.
Xanax brought crushing reality as I did my 17 days in a psychiatric unit … our marriage was dying , I fought to be normal for our kids but I can assure you that nothing was normal after that which took me to the place of knowing the presence of evil and knowing the presence of angelic love …, shadow had a death grip on my life as I took the entire responsibility for a mental disorder and breakdown that was Xanax induced and of course having no one grasp the opportunity for healing change . Instead I cleaved towards what he wanted and regrettably our sons experienced many abused and forced responsibilities that were not fair . Of course projected that it was my choice and my responsibility.
I failed him , by not doing my job ….
And I could not in the end accept his distorted self war that has no end …
My last realtor was a major Xanax user and as he described her death ” yep she blew her brains out ” 3 years ago .
Sadly she ignored my warnings 🙏
I suggest that anyone who wishes to quit benzodiazepines that a long period of tapering off ( decreasing the dosage is best ) I personally tried 3 days cold Turkey and it was horrific . 05
Blessings & Peace 🙏☮️
Dona Luna 🎃
Restoring balance looks chaotic
Women were over powered long ago , loosing humane rights as religious zealots branded them witches and removed them from any place of honor and respect
The truth of walking beside , not in front and not behind thus is totally lost on many as normal and correct balance .
So the recalibration looks abnormal , as if woman are militant and retaliatory.
Not so
Balance in all of nature is being restored that Heaven and Earth become united on New Earth.
We need never experience these adverse experiences again , nor shall our grandchildren.
Living together Vs marriage
Living together Vs Marriage
I agree
Sensitivity : Women vs Men
Little girls are constantly accessing their surroundings . Eyes , ears, hands , smell etc they are using all sensory from birth .
It is said that boys are more motor and physical and are not accessing their surroundings .
And then there is the super hyper sensitivity factor and many more babies have this extra ordinary sensitivity.
Discovery
I’m in a ” discovery ” phase as I unpack the load retrieved from storage ( 80 plus mile , round trip ) that I drove for the 1st time . With an excellent helper with who I flow well with , we entered the unit with no problem but with no real idea where things were except the cloths that A. R. pulled out for me last trip .
So it was a Blessing to find my boots , foods and spices and more supplements that are needed !
I have been challenged this past week with lower back issues and for 36 hours have nursed myself 👍🙏❤️
And it’s much better with lots of heat , sweat and Tiger Balm !
So I pulled out a few items that I was able to pick up from yet another storage and saw a big bulge in my cloth ice cooler . It was A.R. and it was what is pictured below 👇!
Both are needed !
So all my stored stuff is A.R. packed ( heavily ; he’s very strong and has moved me singlehanded!) Several times …
I did not see a disconnect, and sadly it comes yet again at a critical time , which is why it’s ended .
I have declined to mother single Dads kids , younger friends who ask me to help out and I did with a very chill 11 year old even going to lunch at her school. It was very enlightening to set a table with her female class mates . We took pictures and talked but I don’t share those .
An invitation on a holiday , was ignored and I feel it was known that was a boundary .
I don’t allow , knowingly allow children to be used in competitive power games . It’s abuse …
I have not heard from A.R. since 9/12. I sense something is off balance .
I have had to make other arrangements that , I regret for his sake . A beautiful young man , of honor and a inquisitive human being like me .
Like a teacher/student connection for both of us , most of the time . However as time as revealed , he’s more and more needed at the family home where he’s able to do from A to Z !
And that is where I must take alternative measures as I prepare for winter , and strive to have all my things under 1 roof , as I wait for my house .
My 98 4Runner is seeming to always need repair and that’s dicey because parts are scant and often require fabrication .
I purchased brake shoes and it seemed doable for A.R. , then it wasn’t . And yes something has to be fabricated to augment the brake shoes .
LED lights required new lenses that are back ordered and $400
A decision was made to replace the LED with halogen and align then. Mine have needed adjusting and it’s very difficult to see at night .
I have a chip monk nest in my AC which is interesting 🤨.
I’m Thankful for all that he is . I was patient , sometimes extremely patient , but the communication ended .
His journey of spirit is his to direct , his acceptance of adulthood within himself ; I am very proud to have known him and had him in my life for he has been an honorable young man , compassionate and made me feel safe .
There were times when that was ” off ” and I began to understand his responsibilities which left little ” me ” time and pushing the envelope, with his time . Lack of sleep , self medicating …… it’s hard work !
I sense a break through ; praying it’s not a break down .
This young man is so worthy , so awesome and unique and though I miss him ; I am surrendered to the wisdom of Divine 🙏❤️
Blessings & Much Peace ☮️
Dona Luna ❤️
GreatCosmicMothersUnite 