Tag: education

I’m a seed planter , Dream Weaver, a woman of deep

faith , who sadly finds my efforts dormant in masculine

energy that sees need as a form of control.

I don’t ask for favors , and now have resources to locate

what I need for a specific issue. That’s less and less.

In my youth, the masculine had no chores , nothing but free

time. I was unable to discern the trauma of my brother

who was Casper around our house. His freedom was wide

open , gifts were noticeably focused on that , and I was

a very reluctant caretaker. I say reluctant , due to Mom’s

just do it example , and siblings resistance to my ineptitude

or my correctness, setting up a no win foundation on shaky

ground.

I went into my 1st at age 17 , with a boy who had many secrets

like brother..I had no idea how profoundly and deeply these secrets

pointed to trauma. It was hard to acknowledge , as I ended contact

with 1st after 9 months of not so wedded bliss.

A soul mate had major issues with fidelity , did not want to loose

me , and to break the soul mate connection , I married a 2nd time

exiting after 3 weeks , upon the realization of I was expected to

take the role of breadwinner , sex kitten…umm no.

Of course the hologram, that describes ” former” champions

secrets , in a mind -soul game he still thinks works.. Truth is

definitely not his forte’, and that is light to me. The official

moment of commitment , a shift began that I allowed was

a comfortable easy feeling. That, ended as our 1 st year brought

us our 1st child , leaving no doubt of his holding such shadow

that induced me to cleave into my child and domestic duties .

However , I rebelled or stood up , listened to his 3rd person

stories and slowly lost respect for his inability to rise over

the Peter Pan lifestyle ..Staying in C-PTSD with children

to raise , convincing myself I was in love to get through

things , compliant and hopeful in his self growth.. Sadly,

that hasn’t happened, and having based his future on a faked

past is the revelation that sets our family free .

I don’t have great expectations beyond that…it would be foolish

to consider all negatives ended , or wounds healed . Letting

go , surrendering this is not something that has ever been offered

me in fact , in truth , in forgiveness or love.. I will be willing

certainly to be part of healing reconciliation, when it is

important to the other party , whose over the blame and shame

cycle .

Secrets are deadly, and those whose way of life chooses this

path , don’t trust ..anything or anybody.. it’s very unbalanced .

My hero instinct is very real, I am not shy about saying .

How that’s received is variable, however without asking

in discussion , my needs are side stepped, ignored or deferred,

has been normalized in masculines around me ; as a strong

woman, I have or will have it covered …Complementing

and holding space , for imbalances to correct themselves

so masculine’s needs are met , he’s feeling supported and

not uneasy , or controlled ..

Transforming this is most welcome .. certainly it shall

aide in losing shame and projection of shame and blame.

His Hero Instinct And Why It Matters – Feeling Butterflies
— Read on feelingbutterflies.com/his-hero-instinct-and-why-it-matters-85/