Tag: advice

From Dr Craig Childress: 
“We are family.  All of us.
There’s not you and me – there’s us.
The only reason we see you and me instead of family is because we’re insane.  True.  It comes from our biological-mind (Sapolsky), we do things based on how we’re wired up.
Yet we also have the ability to over-ride the wiring – that’s our amazing adaptability – frontal lobe executive function systems.
We all came from Africa.  That’s where we are all from.  All of us.  All of us are on an unbroken line of ancestors, from our parents to our grandparents, to theirs and theirs, all the way back.  We are on an unbroken chain of life.
Many – many – many died in their pixelated journeys through time, they left no progeny, no children.  We are not descended from any of those journeys through life.  We are directly descended from the ones who survived.
We were one once.  We still are.  We’re not them and us, we’re family… of African origin, that’s our homeland, all of us.  Some of our family maintain their original beautiful hue and features, some of us have become pale and washed out from living up north in the snow and cold.  We’re still family, you, me, us, you’re tall, you’re short, you’re in a wheelchair, you’re gay, you’re straight, you’re non-binary, black, white, brown, yellow, purple, plaid, you are an absolutely beautiful child, welcome to the world.
They’re not the enemy – their family.  And… they are insane.  And… so are we.   Them and us, we are both insane, because we see enemies and not family… and because of that we do insanely violent and immensely cruel things to each other – to family.
That’s not right.  We shouldn’t do that.  We shouldn’t hurt them… and they shouldn’t hurt us.  We started in Africa and some of us left, we wandered around a lot and forgot who we are, where we came from.
Then we met each other again, and we got scared.  We had lost our connections as family, we didn’t understand.  We remained pockets of small family governed by our biological-mind.  
Then something changed 10,000 years ago.  We began our journey to transformation, out of our biological-mind and into our humanity.  It has been an immensely violent, sad, and traumatic journey.
We have reached the end.  We are the final generations of the rippling trauma of our transformation, our children will be free of our traumas – they will face their own – but their traumas will be of their own choices and decisions – conscious and aware and handled differently.
We have been insane for so long, the violence and trauma was so vast and deep.  It was a long-long journey of much suffering… too much… far too much.  Our violence and insanity was out of control.
We’ve spasmed our recovery in the French Revolution (1790s), the Trail of Tears (1850) and the Civil War (1860), and in the Holocaust (1940).  We are not so far away, we are still rippling the traumas of those who came before, our parents, their parents, and their’s and their’s.
I’ve watched the change, from Eisenhower and WW-II that I ripple, to Obama and Trump that are rippling our traumas still, our fears.
Our children are watching, are children are being traumatized in their childhoods, by economic uncertainty, a pandemic society of social isolation and fear, and social unrest and injustice.
We have two old-guys running to lead America.  I remember both from their entire histories.  I predate both in my cultural history, I’m Kennedy and Johnson, they’re 1980s and 90s.  They’re both old as dirt, they are from a different era, a different time.
They all are, all of our leaders are old.  That needs to change, and I suspect it will change once we clear pandemic.  There is immense motivation for change, from our children, to create something better – for them – which is their absolute right.
I support their voice for change – we need to do a lot about providing economic opportunity for them… for our children.  We need to do a lot about providing them with a safe, affordable, and top-tier education… for our children.  We need to do a lot to ensure that our children have affordable healthcare for themselves and their families… for our children.
These are not “them” – they are family – our brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, cousins, grandparents, and our children… most importantly our children – not your children and my children – our children – we’re family… we are not enemies.  You are simply insane.  That’s okay, we’re still family… with an insane member, you, who simply needs some compassionate help to find sanity again.  You’re still not my enemy, you’re just my crazy uncle Joe, or crazy aunt Mable.
First thing… stop being so mean.  Social skills, you learned those in preschool.  Use them.  Second thing… stop shooting people. Everyone, stop it.  Holy cow, everyone thinks that’s okay… no… it’s not.  Stop shooting people.
“What if they’re a bad guy and they want to take my stuff and hurt me?”  That’s crazy Bob, he’s the son of Mary and Joseph, no don’t shoot him, he’s family, let’s get him some help.  Don’t kill him… let’s get him some help, he’s family and he’s having a hard time.
Stop shooting people.
“What about Nazis in WW-II, can we shoot them?”  First off, there shouldn’t be Nazis, that should be a DSM-5.1 disorder; Pathological Anger and Pathological Violence. That should be a diagnosable psychiatric condition that receives treatment.
Craig Childress, Psy.D.Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857”