2 moved from hometown , leaving the shame of a ” crazy” Mom and a Dad that was exposing his love in expressions of himself , traveling , dinning , buying expensive cars , moving to a part of town I had refused due to schools and crime .
The absolute delight derived in dividing , and conquering in a non stop competition, ongoing after 2 plus decades .
Of course as a target , and former ” mental patient ” , anything I said or did was seen as character ..Not Trauma , Not Abuse , Not addictive and toxic RX ..
The foundation of shaky ground denying a balanced partnership included the constant triangle or 3rd person , beginning with the matriarchal as his choice for happy as he walked away , was a gal in such distortion that her vicious behavior and words confirmed her mental health issues. Mirrors of each other , united in my total and complete destruction.
Coming to was a hoilicost of recall and clarity , reading the divorce contract was a complete and utter farce , allowing him control of my finances.
The post nuptials I have no idea of , the charges I placed expunged to ” no fault ” , our lawyers had been partners ( no conflict according to the Bar ; plenty of conflict if I searched for representation .
After 3 lawyers and judicial renderings that supported the abuses , with the bonus of shame that I show up without council .
Depleting my income, ignoring my need to address the side effects physically , of trauma , abuse and neglect our last 5 years , of course I’m responsible .
Legally responsible for my own health care .
Responsible for my own legal fees .
Huge blow back from discoveries, especially financial that address the responsibility of the party/ partner who committed fraud , even legal.
I had 30 days in 2001, to read and comprehend the divorce contract . I was a medicated mental patient , which never has been allowed in civil court .
However , our last court , was made aware of the high conflict , malignant relationship he insist on maintaining .
I was asked if I wished to question him.
Unfortunately he is separated from the truth . There’s no point in asking questions; he lies .
The court was informed that I do experience Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Far from a mental illness , awareness is lacking in legal / law enforcement, and has unfortunately destroyed the lives of many children, leveraged in retribution that has no end .
I am clear on what’s going on .
I did not agree to be the dumping ground for his unhealed trauma or a cover so his life looked normal .
Over 20 years of his being the victim that survived and thrived of whom I still want vengeance ever more .
A very recent experience pertaining to business , has revealed much ,that demands closure , a cutting of cords .
Sadly I realize and accept our 3 sons are still in energy of hatred and I’m their monster in their closet , lacking in everything, especially money .
Which is the point of his vengeance… I should never be allowed the freedoms , deserved with salary, home , health care or a relationship because he looses …as his target , he feeds on my challenges , without me he must find another supply .
Ignoring all the nudges from Divine , he in fact digresses.
Fact to face , 2 weeks ago , I had to agree to meet for a cash gift .
As we drove to meet him , I grew concerned that he carried a gun .
My reality is never knowing what he might do . Not enough for a protective order ..
Though his intentions are clear .
Watching , needing to know all with secrets that include my siblings , horrific disregard for vows made, ignoring universal law or karmic justice.
No closure , no periods at the end of sentences decades old , he holds his rage and it shows in his eyes, in his body , in his words .
Trust lost long ago , no more allowances for illegal acts .
Cord Cut .
I’m Thankful , and realize this will include ” his ” children and grandchildren who choose their own path as adults , preferring to ignore me in all ways .
I have not been tempted to act or be as he expects to be allowed contact or relationships with children
He has been informed and has ignored any responsibility for the physical and emotional and mental wellness of his children.
His WAR is not mine , should not be our children’s.
Intimate Partner Violence, ongoing is my reality, and I intend to do all I can to extract myself from the bonds that bind finding no cooperation exist ; only more targeting and secrets and lies .
The triangle 🔺️👌still present , exalted elder , until death they are bonded …matriarchal secrets carried within a destination less than heavely.
Regrets ; His mask was 95% in place and I had no reason to question his presentation, until I became pregnant and a year later became a married single patent and leverage for his partner whom he shared his angst at my forcing a child on him .
The blame game was done in shadow , in secret but I knew it all around me .. with lulls that I held as ” normal” striving to balance our family , to be enough for an insatiable need, want , desire that had no boundaries and still doesn’t.