I’m all about the energy. I’m all about energetic boundaries. I’m all about spending “energy bucks” wisely. I’m all about energy mastery. It’s doesn’t get more fundamental than this. Don’t lose another ounce of your energy to a narcissistic person. It only perpetuates a dysfunction of energy that keeps you distracted from your destiny and impairs your ability to sustain mental and physical activity. It literally KILLS your vitality and eats at your soul.
DO NARCISSISTS DISCARD THEIR CHILDREN?
Narcissists discard their children when they’ve been exposed for who they really are. In my experience outward appearances count for everything in the life of a narcissist. Narcissistic parents expect (in fact insist on) absolute loyalty from their children. A child may be well aware of his/her parents’ lying, cheating, and manipulative ways, but he/she is expected to remain “on side,” always. If the children dare to cross to the “other side,” and take a principled stand, they should be prepared for the inevitable outcome; alienation. A child will be treated with the same (or greater) contempt as anyone else outside the family who has dared to cross them. They will be made to suffer the consequences of exposure. After the perceived “injury,” narcissistic parents will set a deliberate course to rally as many “flying monkeys” as possible to their side, adeptly portraying themselves as victims of their children’s ungrateful, self-serving treatment of them. Their attempts to discredit their children to preserve their image will know no bounds. Accept that those who really know you will not be convinced, and those that don’t, simply don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Supporting one another in our decision to go “no contact” with our parents has not only strengthened our relationship, but has also allowed us to heal together.
- Joanne Hill, Hon B.A., B.Ed Psychology & Sociology (1984)
Oh yea !
Anyone who acts as a parental alienator has major issues with their mental and emotional health and is incapable of relating to other human beings in a normal loving, caring way – not even their children.
I know this from first hand experience and was as deeply shocked as anyone who has had their children withheld from them as an act of vengeance, regardless of the impact it has on others. Alienators will do and say anything to hurt you, because they are hurting deep inside, and have been for a very long time.
There are common patterns in the alienators’ past. They suffered trauma earlier in their own lives and became detached from normal behaviours and feelings. It does not matter how strong these people appear on the outside, they are weak, vulnerable and insecure on the inside. Don’t expect them to change or seek help as they are terrified of re-visiting their past – they are stuck in their own traumatised state.
You may recognise some of the common patterns with your own alienator; a troubled childhood, possibly with domestic violence, emotional abuse, alcoholism, lack of loving or supporting parents, or being over favoured and knowing no boundaries. This list continues but some of these will be very recognisable to readers.
It is shocking to the alienated parent how quickly their child can go from being loving to not wanting to see them. The child is living in fear that the alienating parent will punish them in various forms if they do not comply with the alienator’s demands. The child goes into self protection. They are hugely conflicted but side with the people they are most afraid of, who threatens to do them the most harm. This is nothing less than emotional abuse and creates trauma for the child that can stay with them for years.
Whilst it does not change your situation, it can help to better understand why this is happening. Your experience is not because, you or your children did something wrong, but because your X is mentally and emotionally affected by trauma in their past. This is not to make them out as being a victim as any of them can seek help at any time.
Legal and social services remain poorly equipped to identify and deal with parental alienation, which means you are often left to your own devices to manage the situation as best you can.
3 top tips:
1 – Make sure you are in a good mental and emotional state so that you can deal with the situation. There are many tools and techniques to build your mental and emotional resilience
2 – Where you have contact, focus on rebuilding your relationship with your child by concentrating on their needs and support, rather than involving them in the alienation battle of asking them to deal with any of your own issues
3 – Create boundaries between you and the alienating parent. Tactically, it is helpful to remember that you are dealing with people that demonstrate infantile behaviour and you may need to manage them accordingly
Sherrie Cambell PhD
The hardest thing to get past is the trauma of the betrayal we experience at the hands of toxic people. Toxic people betray us at the lowest levels, and in the most vile ways. Betrayal is nothing short of disorienting, and the impacts of it often last far past the time of the original assault.
The best way to recover from betrayal trauma is to recognize that you are not the dishonest, disgusting, irresponsible, conniving person who would ever two-face, gossip, cheat, lie, steal or intentionally scar another person and then deny any wrongdoing. Only sick people operate like this.
You must hold the wisdom that your life is better off without a person, including a close family member, that has shown your heart zero mercy when you won’t do exactly what they want.
The DSM , Bible of psychiatry has many holes in it .
There are many ways we traumatically dissociate. Most are involuntary (feeling removed from your own body or the world, memory gaps, shifting into different identity states especially if you are triggered by memories or flashbacks) and some are “semi” voluntary in the sense that we partake in activities excessively as a distraction to numb ourselves out. ❤️ What brings some relief to dissociation is (with the help of a trauma informed therapist) mindful awareness + reorienting yourself to what is happening both within you and around you, as well as achieving some integration when it comes to fragmented memories and identity states. Remember, dissociation can be a trauma response and survival instinct – it may have served to protect your brain in the past while the trauma was happening. You can appreciate its purpose while still working toward healing. #trauma #cptsd #ptsd #complextrauma #narcissisticabuse #shahidaarabi #dissociation