Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.”
What we become is a product of our thought and a product of how we choose to respond to the social and political processes at work daily in our lives, from our very birth. The young child begins to learn what responses to give that will gain him or her attention, affection, or approval. The family is the cauldron of our being. Often what we see, we become. Aggression breeds aggression. Lies creates liars. Lack of regard for the child leads to the child have a lack of empathy for others. Poor familial boundaries leads to the child haivng poor boundaries in regards to others. How do some families evoke such violence upon their own children? We live in a society where children are committing the crimes of adults, where children are rapidly entering the world of adults but lack the growth and maturity to be fully responsible and understanding. Because of societal pressures, adults are abandoning their children, and children are thrown into a brutal quest for survival. They are exposed to the corrupt world of adults. Parental egoism and desire for self gratification become passed down to the children. Families shrouded in secrecy and denial are often the most destructive upon the minds of children. This becomes the breeding ground for the most vile of thought and action. These are the families who make lofe about control- ‘do as I say but not as I do, do this because I love you”. The child has no clear direction. They then begin to seek to break from their painful reality. They are fearful, possibly mre fearful of living than of death. These children because of what they have seen and heard become persons as well who seek to use power, domination, and manipulation upon others. These are the children who become offenders. The mechanical world we exist within, where those who are not of the elite must struggle day by day leads to children being cast aside. The mechanical mentality has infected all institutions. Schools are no longer about learning but conformity, where students produce desired results for their teachers. We are creating frustrated families and frustrated children. This frustration has now built to the level of rage. This rage is destroying the minds of our children. This rage leads to violence and conflict. Is there a way out? Is there another way? It requires us to evaluate our responses. Life is suffering, all are presented with problems, this we cannot escape. But we can chose how to address our problems. If persons begin to lay aside the pain and hurt, and can build resiliency against the violence said to be ‘love’, if we can become survivors rather than victims, we stand a chance. If society and families can re-evaluate its values and principles, there is a chance. Many times a child is helped by having a helping person journey with them. We cannot do this alone, we must have others to journey with us. We need the restoration of a sense of community, of our inter-connectedness. There are no easy solutions. Sadly, the battle for the ‘soul’ of our children will mean some will be saved, and some will remain lost. But if even one child can be saved from the pit of self destruction, the efforts of time, compassion, and wisdom will be well worth it. In a world so rife with despair, it is so easy for us to fall into the same traps. Let us guard our minds, let us strive for social justice, and not give up hope that even in our small way, we can make a difference.
Narcissists discard their children when they’ve been exposed for who they really are. In my experience outward appearances count for everything in the life of a narcissist. Narcissistic parents expect (in fact insist on) absolute loyalty from their children. A child may be well aware of his/her parents’ lying, cheating, and manipulative ways, but he/she is expected to remain “on side,” always. If the children dare to cross to the “other side,” and take a principled stand, they should be prepared for the inevitable outcome; alienation. A child will be treated with the same (or greater) contempt as anyone else outside the family who has dared to cross them. They will be made to suffer the consequences of exposure. After the perceived “injury,” narcissistic parents will set a deliberate course to rally as many “flying monkeys” as possible to their side, adeptly portraying themselves as victims of their children’s ungrateful, self-serving treatment of them. Their attempts to discredit their children to preserve their image will know no bounds. Accept that those who really know you will not be convinced, and those that don’t, simply don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Supporting one another in our decision to go “no contact” with our parents has not only strengthened our relationship, but has also allowed us to heal together.
Joanne Hill, Hon B.A., B.Ed Psychology & Sociology (1984)
Anyone who acts as a parental alienator has major issues with their mental and emotional health and is incapable of relating to other human beings in a normal loving, caring way – not even their children.
I know this from first hand experience and was as deeply shocked as anyone who has had their children withheld from them as an act of vengeance, regardless of the impact it has on others. Alienators will do and say anything to hurt you, because they are hurting deep inside, and have been for a very long time.
There are common patterns in the alienators’ past. They suffered trauma earlier in their own lives and became detached from normal behaviours and feelings. It does not matter how strong these people appear on the outside, they are weak, vulnerable and insecure on the inside. Don’t expect them to change or seek help as they are terrified of re-visiting their past – they are stuck in their own traumatised state.
You may recognise some of the common patterns with your own alienator; a troubled childhood, possibly with domestic violence, emotional abuse, alcoholism, lack of loving or supporting parents, or being over favoured and knowing no boundaries. This list continues but some of these will be very recognisable to readers.
It is shocking to the alienated parent how quickly their child can go from being loving to not wanting to see them. The child is living in fear that the alienating parent will punish them in various forms if they do not comply with the alienator’s demands. The child goes into self protection. They are hugely conflicted but side with the people they are most afraid of, who threatens to do them the most harm. This is nothing less than emotional abuse and creates trauma for the child that can stay with them for years.
Whilst it does not change your situation, it can help to better understand why this is happening. Your experience is not because, you or your children did something wrong, but because your X is mentally and emotionally affected by trauma in their past. This is not to make them out as being a victim as any of them can seek help at any time.
Legal and social services remain poorly equipped to identify and deal with parental alienation, which means you are often left to your own devices to manage the situation as best you can.
3 top tips:
1 – Make sure you are in a good mental and emotional state so that you can deal with the situation. There are many tools and techniques to build your mental and emotional resilience
2 – Where you have contact, focus on rebuilding your relationship with your child by concentrating on their needs and support, rather than involving them in the alienation battle of asking them to deal with any of your own issues
3 – Create boundaries between you and the alienating parent. Tactically, it is helpful to remember that you are dealing with people that demonstrate infantile behaviour and you may need to manage them accordingly
He cleans up after himself. He cleans up the planet. He is a role model for young men. He is rigorously honest and fiercely optimistic.
He holds himself accountable. He knows what he feels. He knows how to cry and he lets it go. He knows how to rage without hurting others. He knows how to fear and how to keep moving. He seeks self-mastery.
He has let go of childish shame. He feels guilty when he’s done something wrong. He is kind to men, kind to women, kind to children. He teaches others how to be kind. He says he’s sorry.
He stopped blaming women or his parents or men for his pain years ago. He stopped letting his defenses ruin his relationships. He stopped letting his penis run his life. He has enough self-respect to tell the truth. He creates intimacy and trust with his actions. He has men that he trusts and that he turns to for support. He knows how to roll with it. He knows how to make it happen. He is disciplined when he needs to be. He is flexible when he needs to be. He knows how to listen from the core of his being.
He’s not afraid to get dirty. He’s ready to confront his own limitations. He has high expectations for himself and for those he connects with. He looks for ways to serve others. He knows he is an individual. He knows that we are all one. He knows he is an animal and a part of nature. He knows his spirit and his connection to something greater.
He knows that the future generations are watching his actions. He builds communities where people are respected and valued. He takes responsibility for himself and is also willing to be his brother’s keeper.
He knows his higher purpose. He loves with fierceness. He laughs with abandon, because he gets the joke.
This is the Mature Masculine – the New Warrior – a re-definition of masculinity for the 21st century. By no means is this list complete. You are welcome to come and add your gifts to this community. –Boysen Hodgson http://www.mkp.org
The female being has been chosen by the creator to be the portal between the spiritual realm and this physical realm… the only force on earth powerful enough to navigate unborn spirits onto this planet.
A very harsh lesson , still on going as I enter a 2nd month of no income except social security.
Indeed the wheeling and dealing was deeply embedded in shadow with intentions of divesting me completely, financially and intentions geared to digress me mentally, physically, financially and spiritually .
With holidaze and weather, further delaying forward movement , I can assure you all thats possible is being done .
Posing as a professional, the facts deny anything professional and though this energy is dank , I have 4 decades of experience and 20 plus pulling in pieces of the puzzle that are my present reality..Different entity..Same MO..
Finally at rest , with half a tank of gas , $10 cash and Thankful for food , I wait patiently for resolution.
Partnership that wasn’t…says much about the other who dwells in distorted energy .
Maintaining my balance as much as possible, grateful I’m present instead of medicated into submission as I was in past partnership of marriage so that business arrangements could be made to benefit the other .
Sensing the varied reasons for this current situation, I will not demure but will continue with my every effort to accomplish my goal of a home . Noting how much effort has been made to thwart my progress , the facts are present and I’m not concerned about the outcome for the other . Abusing my safety, my trust , my health and finances assures justice as Thy Will Be Done .
Snow is yet another challenge with more predicted in a few days . I refuse to live in fear or anger . Noting the severity of my situation of which I cannot detail at this time for legal reasons, I am aware of the opprotunity offered and denied , that have boomerangs , and no I cannot worry about the other’s side effects , for knowing , for enjoying my every trial if not support them in hopes I expire and their abuse kept secret .
Betrayal in Distorted energy is still abuse 💔especially when confidences have been shared and vulnerability exploited for greed and power .
Blessings & Peace
A narcissist will use your wounds against you. And that’s it! They use the insecure or unhealed inner parts of you like bullets in their gun to fire at you.
A narcissist knows this. They’ve been practising this from a very, very early age.
And they know how to hit that person with those things to trigger them and get them to hand their power over.
As soon as you’re triggered, you’re pulled out of your powerful, innate self, your centre, and you regress back into childhood or past life traumas. Meaning those parts of you have now been activated, and they’ve come to the fore and feel powerless to protect you.
When you’re triggered into survival programs, you suffer from adrenaline and cortisol that activate the fight, fight, flee or freeze response. And this is where you have brain fog. You can’t think, you can’t get to solutions. You don’t know what to say.
The reason for that is everything shuts down. You’re back in your amygdala, which is triggering you into survival programs. You don’t have access to the cognitive solution, power, wisdom, or the logic to detach and know what to do. You just don’t have access.
It’s so important to understand what’s literally physiologically chemically going on within you so that you can accept that this is what happens. And when you look back through the times when you get triggered by a narcissist, if you’re honest with yourself, you know that’s what happens.
And you know that in those times, it’s like watching yourself by remote, and you can’t stop yourself reacting in a way that you know is not helping you, but it’s like, you feel powerless. You’re hijacked by it. That’s what’s going on.
For more on this, please take a look at these blogs –
Join me in the next free Healing Webinar, where I will explain how to seal your gaps and take your power back. You get to experience two healings that will start the Quantum Way to heal from abuse – https://bit.ly/3dn4w8S. You will be sent a replay link after the event has finished.
When you reevaluate the pattern of narcissists in your life, you may have noticed a distinct feeling of invisibility as you were shoved to the side as a background character in your own life time and time again. Think of it this way: attention-seeking narcissists or otherwise toxic people work very hard to maintain the spotlight. In order to do so, they have to cast what feels akin to an invisibility spell over those they know will be “too visible” seen and noticed by others. They know your traits and assets make you someone who is a “main character” – someone who authentically brings attention to them without even trying because of their empathy, natural charisma and intelligence. If you have this pattern in your life, it’s time to recognize the ways in which you have been “hidden” from others by the narcissists in your life so people couldn’t see you accurately. Whether it was through smear campaigns or simply hogging the stage, realize that you do deserve to be visible and to be the main character of your life story without others downplaying who you are. Not in a narcissistic way but in a healthy self-loving way. You too deserve attention, acknowledgment and care. 💖🤗 #narcissisticabuse #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #shahidaarabi #emotionalabuse #selfcare #healing