Category: Parential Alienation-Child Abuse
I am not sure who wrote this piece , but it’s on mark
Most NPD have addictions and yes the most socially
accepted is alcohol .
It does not show at 1st . I cannot recall one time of
knowing he was drunk.. he could hold his liquor .
In house , he did not sit and drink , or have beer at dinner
routinely ..
it was the every present party time that was holiday
vacation , family get together and how he impressed
friends ..picking up the bar bill.
As an adult at 14, smoking , sex …..and alcohol ?
Yes … a brother, who hung out with older guys
especially around cars ..was dropped off at a hospital
drunk out of his mind ..Dad was called and had to pick him up
and it wasn’t pretty …
It’s a set point , that some never grow out of .
Narcissists gratify themselves despite the costs to those around them. Alcoholics not in recovery continue drinking even when it hurts loved ones.
While alcoholism is an addiction and extreme narcissism is a personality disorder, narcissists and alcoholics tend to share 11 similarities. Knowing these can help you cope with people in your life who have narcissism or alcoholism.
1) Denial
Narcissism is characterized by iron-clad denial. From a narcissist’s point of view, he or she has no problems and can do no wrong. Bragging and a damn-the-consequences-swagger are essential parts of many narcissists’ personae.
Similarly, denial keeps addiction in place. Denial manifests for alcoholics in many ways, such as saying they can stop drinking anytime they want, lying about when they drank, or refusing to acknowledge that their drinking has costs.
That’s why participants in 12-step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous introduce themselves with their name and say “I’m an alcoholic.” It’s a step in breaking denial.
Narcissists don’t enter a room saying “Hi, I’m Jack, I’m a narcissist.” However, their dramatic, manipulative or entitled behaviors often announce their narcissism beyond a doubt.
2) Lack of introspection
Few narcissists are interested in self-reflection. Doing so would risk encountering the deep shame and emptiness they carry.
Similarly, addiction can cover inner conflicts and uncomfortable feelings. As long as an addict uses, those feelings go unaddressed. The longer the feelings are unaddressed, the more daunting it can become to look inward and face them.
3) Refusal to take responsibility
Narcissists are quick to blame others for making them act as they do. Alcoholics have plenty of excuses for why they drink.
Narcissists almost never apologize or promise to change their ways. That would feel like weakness, which is anathema to narcissists, sullying the image they desperately seek to cultivate.
While some alcoholics apologize for their behavior and promise to turn over a new leaf, if they only talk the talk but don’t walk the walk, their repeated apologies and broken promises eventually carry little weight with those around them.
4) Entitlement
Narcissists are defined by entitlement. Lacking empathy and feeling superior, they give themselves full permission to do whatever the want despite the rules or costs to others.
Alcoholics’ sacred entitlement is drinking. They may lose everything and everyone in their lives before they will give up alcohol.
5) Self-destructiveness
Narcissists are trapped in a non-stop holding action devoted to preserving their image and preventing anything from making them feel unworthy.
By the same token, alcoholics sacrifice their health, well-being, reputation, relationships and self-esteem unless they seek help.📷
6) Behavior is at others’ expense
Those close to both narcissists and alcoholics experience deprivation, abandonment, shame, rejection and feeling used. Loved ones of both alcoholics and narcissists may withdraw emotionally or eventually leave the relationship.
7) Behavior can switch rapidly
Narcissists can go from charming to threatening in a heartbeat. Feeling slighted or a lack of adoration can send a narcissist into full battle mode.
Similarly, an alcoholic’s behavior and personality can change drastically, especially when under the influence. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, leading to outrageous, dangerous or abusive behavior.
8) Superficial relationships
Trying to have a reciprocal, honest conversation with a narcissist is a hit-or-miss proposition. Similarly, trying to make a meaningful connection with someone who is drunk is a fool’s errand.
A narcissist’s dysfunction and an alcoholic’s addiction make it difficult for them to sustain deep, meaningful relationships in any consistent or lasting way.
9) Manipulation of others
Both narcissists and alcoholics will use anybody they can to get their fix.
For a narcissist, the fix is attention or gratification. Narcissists view others in terms of what they can do for the narcissist.
For an alcoholic, the fix is a drink. Others are viewed as either enabling their drinking or as potential threats to their freedom to drink. Alcoholics seek enablers to cover for their drinking.
10) Self-absorption
For both narcissists and alcoholics, it’s all about me. Their needs are primary. While both may function relatively normally in many settings (particularly if not drunk or triggered by the loss of narcissistic supply), their self-focus inevitably re-emerges.📷
11) Shame
Avoiding shame drives much of narcissists’ behavior. They often cope by dishing out shame to others.
Alcoholics carry immense shame. Their drinking numbs or masks their shame.
Some individuals have both narcissistic personality disorder and an active addiction. If someone in your life has such a dual diagnosis, you may find coping with them much more difficult than if that person had just narcissism or addiction.
The following actions can help you cope with someone who is an alcoholic, a narcissist, or both:
•Recognize that you don’t cause their narcissism or alcoholism
•Recognize that you can’t stop their narcissistic or alcoholic behaviors
•Don’t make excuses for their behavior
•Be clear on what you will and will not accept from them
Teri’s Survival Story. A Mother’s Survival Story
Teri thought the abuse was over after she left her husband. Then, he did the unthinkable. Teri and security expert Gavin de Becker on the lessons you can learn from her story.
— Read on www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Teris-Survival-Story
MOSAIC – Gavin de Becker’s Online Threat Assessment Tool : Are You In. Dangerous Relationship . Gender Friendly
To combat domestic violence, security expert Gavin de Becker has developed a potentially lifesaving tool called MOSAIC. It’s free, anonymous and helps assess whether you are in a dangerous relationship. Find out how to take it now.
— Read on www.oprah.com/oprahshow/mosaic-gavin-de-beckers-online-threat-assessment-tool
‘Want to reduce mental illness? Address trauma. Want to save the world? Address trauma.’ by Laura K Kerr PhD — Recovery Stories
Currently writing books , based on deep work on issues
close to our soul needs , Laura Kerr, PhD has been a light
for me , for many years ..
“Want to reduce mental illness? Address trauma. Want to save the world? Address trauma.’ by Laura K Kerr PhD — Recovery Stories
— Read on www.recoverystories.info/want-to-reduce-mental-illness-address-trauma-want-to-save-the-world-address-trauma-by-laura-k-kerr-phd/
When Holidays Stir Longing Rather Than Cheer
Note this was published in 2013, on Dec 17 2013…
Totally covers possibilities of triggers , trauma
great expectations etc of holidaze ….
When Holidays Stir Longing Rather Than Cheer • SJS
— Read on www.socialjusticesolutions.org/2013/12/17/holidays-stir-longing-rather-cheer/
Writing – Laura K. Kerr, PhD
I have followed and emailed back and forth Laura
who is extremely wise and very through in
all of her efforts .
Writing – Laura K. Kerr, PhD
— Read on www.laurakkerr.com/writing/
Family Photos Vital for Children Of Divorce
All pictures were placed with me , as the main photographer
99% were taken by me …
In 2005/6, after hearing much grief and emotional pain
as trauma was triggered with each of us 4, I had plenty
of pictures to share .
I sent many photos , and then I bagged 3 bags of family
photos , some I don’t have copies of unfortunately
and dropped them off at son’s house 2 blocks from
mine at the time ..
I was told that 1 son threw his in the trash .
Pictures showed up in wedding photos of bridal couples
childhood ..Weddings I was not allowed to attend
that it might be a reality that I was alive …
exposing the partner who could not stand my name
being mentioned , much less my physical presence.
Allowed actions of abuse , doing the nasty work
of a partner who utilizes others to do the deeds
out of love , protection, and fear …
©️
Blessings & Peace
Doña Luna
Kramer vs Kramer at 40: a flawed film that remains a deserving classic | Film | The Guardian
To me this film depicted the harsh kick back from
the masculine energy of fear from women’s liberation
in bras and workplaces while holding their own
adverse childhood traumas , seldom voiced ..
It shows up in matters of power , money , and control.
Transforming this to Unity …Peace
Hold Faith ❤️
Blessings & Peace ☮️
Doña Luna
Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep brought divorce to the masses with an imperfect yet sensitive portrayal of a difficult scenario
— Read on www.theguardian.com/film/2019/dec/11/kramer-vs-kramer-film-classic
Frontiers | Breaking the Cybernetic Code: Understanding and Treating the Human Metacognitive Control System to Enhance Mental Health | Psychology
The self-regulatory executive function (S-REF) model explains the role of strategic processes and metacognition in psychological disorder and was a major influence on the development of metacognitive therapy. The model identifies a universal style of perseverative negative processing termed the cognitive attentional syndrome (CAS), comprised of worry, rumination, and threat monitoring in the development of disorder. The CAS is linked to dysfunctional metacognitions that include beliefs and plans for regulating cognition. In this paper I extend the theoretical foundations necessary to support further research on mechanisms linking metacognition to cognitive regulation and effective treatment. I propose a metacognitive control system (MCS) of the S-REF that can be usefully distinguished from cognition and is comprised of multiple structures, information and processes. The MCS monitors and controls activity of the cognitive system and regulates the behaviour of neural networks whose activities bias the way cognition is experienced. Metacognitive information involved in the regulation of on-line processing includes metacognitive beliefs, metacognitive procedural commands, and more transient cybernetic code. Separation of the cognitive and metacognitive systems and modelling their relationship presents major implications concerning what should be done in therapy and how it should be done. The paper concludes with an in-depth consideration of methods that strengthen the psychological basis of psychotherapy and aid in understanding and applying metacognitive therapy in particular. Finally, limitations of the model and implications for future research on self-awareness, self-regulation and metacognition are discussed.
— Read on www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02621/full
GreatCosmicMothersUnite 