Tag: survivors

Little Girl Speak

“I am making the conscious choice, to live. It is a daily decision. It is soul aching bone breaking work. I crack open every day, and declare myself whole. I become one with this vision that I have deep inside. I steady my grip on hope, and I let it take hold of me. I let it encompass my entire being. I no longer allow myself to get lost in those dark places that still linger inside of me like venom; like poison. I have suffocated all of my fears, one by one. I have declared this war that I’ve been fighting against myself, as treason. I no longer betray my own skin; my own soul. I no longer have the desire to beat myself to death, over things I never should have known; over a shame, that was never my own. My self worth has risen, as I keep rising. And all of those haters who want to see me fail; they see it as so damn surprising. I’ve always been a fighter, right down to my very core. The only difference between now and then, is I’m not fighting against myself anymore. I taught myself how to walk through fire, and how to adapt and tolerate the burn. I subtracted all of the laughter and joy from my life, as if happiness was something I had to earn. Every day when I’m unable to shake this feeling that I’m unworthy of love; that I’m unworthy of this healing; I speak truth to my demons, and they run from their own feelings. They scatter like mice at the site of a lion. They cannot make sense, of my healing. But this isn’t about them, is it? It never really was. This is about my ability to see my own worth, when push really comes to shove. I see it. Oh I see it now. It screams at me every day. And just like the darkness once invaded my space; this truth isn’t going away. The truth, of who I am. The truth, that I deserve to be happy. The truth, that I deserve to be safe. The truth, that I deserve to be loved and adored. The truth, that happiness doesn’t need to be earned. The truth, that real love remains; the truth, that real love stays. I have walked so many roads alone, that somehow I forgot my own name. At some point on my journey of healing, every valley felt the same. But I’ve crawled my way up, out of the grave they buried me in; and now I’m here to reclaim. I am taking back everything they’ve stolen from me, and I’m giving myself a new name. I am taking my rightful place. I am the writer of my own story now. I am holding the pen, and the key. And nobody else gets to decide how this ends. Nobody else, but me.”

-Little girl speak

Sister : I see you

To look at another woman with inspiration rather than the green eyes of envy, to love another woman as a sister,

rather than seeing them as the enemy,

to remember we each hold a love so vast and powerful it could heal the world,

to realize within our femininity is a strength that can move mountains, which can either heal or crush another’s soul,

to take responsibility as a privilege, rather than a burden, to embrace and engage with the unspoken within and without,

to heal our wounds consciously for ourselves, our ancestors, future generations, and one another, to allow the feelings to flow through, to be acknowledged and let go, to observe and speak from the heart, and to accept our vulnerabilities as strength….

Sister, I see you as you speak your truth.

Sister, I honor you as you claim who you are. Sister, I hold you as you rise to who you are destined to be.

author & photo credit unknown

Recovery language in substance abuse

New research published in Critical Social Work reveals that dominant understandings of recovery, such as maintaining abstinence, can be experienced by service users as oppressive.

The critical discourse analysis of qualitative interviews with individuals struggling with substance use issues in rural Ontario examined power dynamics inherent to discourse on substance addiction recovery. The author concludes by offering recommendations such as training and education to address stigma and implicit biases among clinicians and the inclusion of individuals experiencing substance abuse issues in research, policy development, clinical practice, and education.

Researcher Sandra R. McNeil of the University of Windsor writes:

“By shaping who should recover, how they should recover, and what recovery should look like, recovery discourse constitutes categories of inclusion and exclusion. Viewing substance use recovery through a critical lens exposes ideological values that perpetuate substance use stigma at micro and macro levels. Equally important are the numerous, intersecting forms of stigma related to race, class, gender, sexuality, ability, appearance, geography, and types of substance use that are capable of (de)constructing structural inequities.”

Recovery Language in Substance Use Treatment Experienced as Oppressive Without Input of Service Users

www.madinamerica.com/2022/10/recovery-language-substance-use-treatment-experienced-oppressive-without-input-service-users/

2000 or so My distorted body on Psychiatric RX , blank eyes

A marriage , a grandson , were weaponized to block me after I failed to be able to help with childcare ; I was DOA .

It’s very sad to know and accept that our sons would prefer my death and that hasn’t changed in 20 years .

It’s easier

Her Nightmare experience with psychiatry is sadly common .

As was mine and far too many people

I am new here. 3 years ago I was committed to a psychiatric hospital against my will and forced to take Risperdal and abused by a psychiatrist.
I had a physical illness which I now know is mold toxicity and mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS). It’s not well known in the medical community but I was able to google my symptoms early in the illness and come up with MCAS. Not sure why they couldn’t do that.

I was diagnosed as delusional, extremely mentally ill, with psychosis due to psychotic delusions all because they were too lazy to research my symptoms. I was treated like garbage and called a liar.

I couldn’t eat because of pain and bad reactions to food and got down to 77 lbs and told the psychiatrist I needed to go to the medical hospital and get a feeding tube cuz I was starving to death and she demanded “You’re not going anywhere. You just need to get up, walk down the hall, get your food and eat it.” I was in pain with several debilitating symptoms, could barely walk, had double vision and had just laid in the bed there for 10 days. My friend had to call my doctor to get me out of there.

There’s more but it’s too long. It was a nightmare. And now it’s on my FBI background check that I was involuntarily admitted to a psych hospital. I’m doing everything I can to get justice but it’s not easy. Both hospitals and the medical board won’t do anything but I have several other places to report it to.

I am livid and believe I have PTSD because of what they did to me. They should be in jail!

Change

This property was depicted as my safe place after 4 very months of bouncing around after my COVID eviction.

Having given away most of my furniture, there were things there I could use and things that I helped facilitate giving away for owners.

It was never cleaned and sadly I found the tenet before me was the only child and with her son ( grandson ) had been evicted as well before me !!! Of course stories abound but I find it interesting and example this house which did rent to a man and repairs are being made as noted in this shot . New deck and new paint .

An offer was made to sell at $50 over what was paid and my research showed a reduction in value 10k what was paid by current owners/landlords . I did not find my self desperate enough to buy it at such a high price with such obvious and varied repairs , far greater that was we saw today .

Notices to move (30 days )were the result of my friendship with the only child to whom I was told not to talk to.

Many stories were created and embellished to create the belief that we the renters were to blame and deserved to be ” thrown out ”

Many times I asked ” Am I safe here , and was always reassured that I was .

The male tenet HAS a lease !

The views are magnificent but there is a negative vibe attached to this ” gated community ” where I began to feel I was watched and certainly was true of a repair guy who worked for them , and would just show up , parked in the yard , in the storage shed which he had lots of stuff as well as the owners who allowed that I would have space to store my things , rather than pay storage else where. I was not comfortable with the situation nor the ability of repairs . A washer was replaced with yard sale type 2nds due to a spring having gone bad which was missed by their examination and discovered by my 23 year old repair man !

A very harsh winter , time with no electric power after being told it NEVER happened ! And I was not checked in on by these folks in any way , shape or form .

It was discovered after I left end of July 2021 that dementia and pre existing mental illness ( life long secret ) gripped 1 of the 2 and I had to feel that I had dodged a bullet .

All in all … wasted time

wasted faith

wasted money

And the betrayal of home and heart that sadly has met its mark with an only child and their son .

It did however result in the acceptance of truths and healing for the child/grandchild

Photo credit

Laura B

Letting Go

This Autumn, let something die.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

A worry, a relationship, a project that has run its course. Let go of anxiety over the future. Let go of guilt.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Let go of other people’s dreams for you.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Let go of the fear that happiness or success or love or joyousness somehow isn’t for you.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Let go of feeling unwanted. Go outside, can you feel how deeply your presence is craved here?

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Let go of the small and burdensome things. Gifts never opened. Keys without a lock. Broken earrings, old love letters, the ephemera on your fridge.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

As David Whyte writes, “Anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you.” This Autumn, let go of all the clothes you have outgrown.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Let go of comparison.

Let go of doubt.

Let go of the feeling that you are somehow not good enough.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Because every imperfect apple that lays soft in your hands, and every ray of low Autumn sunlight that warms you through woolens will tell you a different story, a much truer story. The story that you are more, much more, than enough. That you bless this world simply by being alive.

.Letting Go

Susie Boggus

.https://youtu.be/aLyGae5mYoo

.

📷 by @oceanmountainmedia

Today begins Domestic Abuse Awareness

I’ll be writing deeply about this on personal level , revealing facts that are in conflict with universal law , gods law , as man became the law and our world became lawless .

Natural time , quantum influences…. it’s a day long coming and yes it’s been a very pain filled journey with enough beauty and consciousness to temper the harsh lessons .

It’s long awaited , this new beginning , and excruciating to not be heard legally which can and will be part of the change that has erased many a family

Blessings 🙏 & Peace ✌️

Dona Luna

domesticabuseawareness.org/2022/10/17/be-aware-of-the-consequences/

Xanax is a M Fer

I totally concur with this man’s conclusions on Xanax , which I was given off label for IBS . IBS and marital difficulties were Axis or code used in the DSM which has a code for everything so it can be billed with insurance .

Xanax was deadly ; I had no idea what it was , only that my IBS calmed now somewhat . I wasn’t able to sleep 😴 which had been intensified in marriage but was life long .

When I had the chemically induced nervous breakdown , by counting the RX ; I had taken 5 Xanax per day for about 12 days .

Our eldest son , 11 years old stayed home that day from school and subjected to my induced mental state and never discussed, healed or put this horrible experience to rest .

Prescribed Drugs , especially benzodiazepines are deadly in many ways especially families.

Relationships collapse as the busyness of our world encourages us to move on ….

This is too generational , ancestral and so much information exist that just as this video exposes the reality, the truth , so must the past injustices be healed and in accepting guidance from ancestors, assurance and support are not questioned .

I have great faith in concluding old business and surrendering to creation of New Earth and my home within it as my place in this world solidifies !

I am very Thankful to my teachers , each and every one and as I rest and reenergize , I quietly celebrate with knowledge that much lie ahead .

So I rest ; using only natural supplements and methods and accept I’m long out of the illusions of the matrix that is modern human generated medicine . I remember well my life’s journey in what I consider “toxic soup” and all that it cost me and our children as it fed the shadow of a partner who wished to exit the hero and keeper of all he had amassed , especially his sons , his money and his family reputation.

Xanax brought crushing reality as I did my 17 days in a psychiatric unit … our marriage was dying , I fought to be normal for our kids but I can assure you that nothing was normal after that which took me to the place of knowing the presence of evil and knowing the presence of angelic love …, shadow had a death grip on my life as I took the entire responsibility for a mental disorder and breakdown that was Xanax induced and of course having no one grasp the opportunity for healing change . Instead I cleaved towards what he wanted and regrettably our sons experienced many abused and forced responsibilities that were not fair . Of course projected that it was my choice and my responsibility.

I failed him , by not doing my job ….

And I could not in the end accept his distorted self war that has no end …

My last realtor was a major Xanax user and as he described her death ” yep she blew her brains out ” 3 years ago .

Sadly she ignored my warnings 🙏

I suggest that anyone who wishes to quit benzodiazepines that a long period of tapering off ( decreasing the dosage is best ) I personally tried 3 days cold Turkey and it was horrific . 05

Blessings & Peace 🙏☮️

Dona Luna 🎃

youtube.com/shorts/mDielffOreY

Thankful to Teachers

To all of those who tried to dim my light

Thank you for teaching me to shine fully

And embrace my light

To all of those who chose to abandon me

Thank you for teaching me to never abandon myself

To all of those who chose to devalue and diminish me

Thank you for teaching me to value myself and see my worth

To all of those who tried to break me

Thank you for teaching me what it means to be strong

To all of those who tried to silence me

Thank you for teaching me to find my voice

And to all of those who didn’t believe in me or support me

Thank you for teaching me to believe in myself.

Artist Credit: Elisabeth on Earth