On this New Year, I will be providing an email address here and I’ll ask for your questions. Any question. From anyone.
I’m attending to parents, but attorneys and mental health professionals can ask questions too. Now-adult kids recovering. Anyone. Any question.
There’s no such thing as a dumb question. Well, actually, that’s not true, but that’s okay, ask it anyway. Any question.
Except what’s my favorite color, no trick questions to get me confused.
In January, I’ll ask you to send me your questions to the email address I provide. In February, I’ll start answering your questions on YouTube. All your questions. Even the stupid questions. My favorite color is blue, no wait… red… now look what you’ve done, I’m all confused.
You have questions. That likely means more people just like you have the same question. I could answer your questions over-and-over each time one-by-one… or all together on YouTube – whee, don’t you love the Internet. I do. Best thing since fire.
So prepare your questions for Dr. Childress. I don’t need your stories. You think I need your stories to understand your questions, I don’t. I could tell you your stories. I want your questions – I can tell exactly your story by your question – each story has its questions.
I’ll won’t read your stories, I know your stories. I’ll read the sentences that end with this ? thing.
That sentence, the one that ends with that ? thing, is called a question. That’s what I’ll read and answer.
I’ll group your questions sort of, and I’ll start posting YouTube videos in February answering your questions, in 10-15 minute segments until there are no more questions – and a lot of answers on YouTube for everyone now and into the future.
Don’t ‘cha love the Internet. I do. Best thing since fire. Internet gud, and oh my goodness, no one knows your a dog. What’s your question for Dr. Childress? January 2022.
Craig Childress, Psy.D. Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857
Too many beautiful, loving folks believe they and the narcissist are soul mates or twin flames. They believe the narcissist is simply fulfilling the “runner” dynamic and will ‘come to their senses’ and return to the relationship sooner or later. And they will wait YEARS for this to happen, enduring untold, horrific abuse. Please understand that a soul mate will not betray you, stab you in the back, tell you pathological lies, or make it their duty to cause you to feel unworthy of their love. Only sadistic manipulators do that. Many writers and content creators are romanticizing emotional abuse and calling it ‘spiritual lessons’ and ‘evolution’. This is one of the worst forms of gaslighting. The truth is, staying in a relationship with an individual who emotionally abuses you and repeatedly breaks their promises can cause crippling levels of chronic depression due to repeated emotional traumas, the nature of which is made worse by the limiting beliefs we form in response to the narcissist’s degrading verbal assaults. Even more alarming, repeated emotional injuries shrink the brain’s hippocampus, which is responsible for memory and learning, while enlarging the amygdala, which houses primitive emotions such as fear, grief, guilt, envy, and shame.
In short, you habitually become hijacked by your freeze response, unable to form rational thoughts or reactions. Over time, this becomes your baseline state of being. It’s a cycle of emotional destruction of the most grievous kind. I cannot recommend enough to stop romanticizing abuse and stop self-abandoning.
The Modules of THRIVE are dedicated to helping you evolve into a healed version of yourself so you can say “NO” to continued abuse.
And you will be restored in more incredible ways than you ever believed possible.
On December 25th Venus, the planet of love is Conjunct Pluto, the planet of transformation.
For the past few days we may have been feeling nostalgic, sentimental, emotionally overwhelmed and even consumed by our thoughts and emotions at times. We might have noticed we are feeling passionately and magnetically attracted toward those we are romantically closest to. Also significant connections from the past could make an unexpected return, in particular those with whom we never received closure.
**This conjunction brings extremely intense energies that will directly impact how we perceive ourselves, along with how we view our personal and most intimate relationships. This can mean connections will either feel like a battlefield or nirvana right now and these energies will continue to be heightened over the next 48 hours.
One of the main ways we may have been affected by the Venus/Pluto energy over this past week is through feeling the need for affection, attention, validation and commitment far more than normal. We may have been craving communication or closeness with those we are closest to and might have noticed we have felt rejected or vulnerable when we haven’t gotten the the response we hoped for.
**We have possibly even started to notice where there are imbalances, for example, where there is unrequited love or where one person is making far more effort than the other. We may also suddenly realise that we are in a dynamic with someone who is extremely manipulative, controlling or dominating and it is also possible that we suddenly become aware of our own controlling, compulsive or domineering ways.
**During this time we may become aware that we, or others, have been playing mind games in order to gain a reaction or attention or even test the other’s person’s love or loyalty. This means there may have been noticaeble switching between being attentive and affectionate and then suddenly distant and disinterested, for no apparent reason.
**It is likely that any areas of our life where the energies are unhealthy, where there are suppressed resentments or where there are constant power struggles will have been brought to our attention over and over until we fully recognise that certain people are not healthy for us to be around.
**One of the main reasons we have been confronted with these power plays is so we realise that we have become far too reliant on how other people treat us or perceive us and that is having a direct impact on our self-worth and self-esteem. Too often we allow other people to project their insecurities onto us, thus leaving us feeling insecure and unworthy and causing immense internal suffering, rather than realising we are actually embodying other people’s perceptions of themselves.
***We are being alerted to relationships where the energies are unreciprocated so that we recognise where we are accepting far, far less from certain people than what we give, while also caught in a cycle of feeling abandoned and desperately seeking their approval.
Both Venus and Pluto together can bring out our shadow side when it comes to relationships, therefore it is possible we will be feeling irrational, insecure, jealous and possessive at times and be hoping that other people will heal these wounds. However, particularly this week, for some of us, it won’t matter how much anyone else tries to fill our cup, we will still feel an emptiness on the inside. This is why it is vital for us to understand the importance of learning that we don’t need anyone or anything else in order for us to validate and value ourselves.
Venus allows us to look at the ways our self-worth is affected by other people’s opinions of us, or through whether we are financially healthy or not, and various other superficial factors. **Generally, it helps us see how external sources have been dependent on whether we feel valued or undervalued, worthy or unworthy and how vital it is to find value and worth internally.
Pluto, the farthest planet in the solar system, can cause us to feel isolate and lonely, so it may make us feel like withdrawing for a period of time to process these intense energies.** Pluto also helps us cleanse and purge outdated and unhealthy behaviours, pattens and belief systems and to recognise where we have unhealthily high expectations, while Venus works to help us recognise where we are appreciated and also where we are allowing other people’s words and actions to value ourselves. In Venus’ energy we will also notice where our confidence is low and how we can rebuild self-worth and become fulfilled with self-love.
Venus Conjunct Pluto will take us through a dramatic transformation where we will gain a greater understanding of love and start to see with clarity how everyone has their own unique love language. We are going to gain insight into how we need to be loved and also how we show love to others.
Everyone gives and receives love in different ways, so what may look like love on the surface may not actually be love at all, and where we think we aren’t cared for or appreciated – we may be deeply loved. Most of all we are going to learn that we might not be feeling love from others purely because we haven’t been fully loving ourselves – particularly if we have been badly burned in the past.
This is the time to let go of all pre-conceived notions of love and to submerge ourselves in divine unconditional love of ourselves. Pluto is telling us to surrender the past and heal and Venus is telling us it is time to trust in love and accept we are worthy, valuable and deserving of it all.**
*Relationships of all kinds will be going through a transformation where they will either become far deeper, fulfilling and more meaningful or a light will be shown on where we are holding on to fantasy and illusions or where we have become involved in a destructive, unhealthy or unsatisfying dynamic.
*Over these next few days it will begin to become imminently clear who we value, who value and loves us unconditionally and who it is time to untangle from and finally let go.
Overall our perception of love is about to radically change and we will begin to see how trust issues and fear of loss and rejection has held us back from love for far too long, not only with others but ultimately from giving and receiving that love within ourselves. Alex Myles