Tag: grief

Psychosis Is an Expression of Early Childhood Trauma | Daniel Mackler – Mad In America

This is a perfect summation of trauma, born of abuses unspoken , ignored for decades , until life stressors bring it up for review and healing .

It was so with me, and I was powerless to prevent it , when medicated , I watched it going on with our sons..

With regards to myself and sons , the denial was and still is the foundation for Dad , as it has been his family code, and must be protected from exposure at all cost.

The signs have been there, and in trying to protect or get help , our family was erased and all the icky stuff , denied healing until it’s a monstrous mountain that’s impossible to surmount . Dodging the big stuff , only creates bigger stuff, and when everyone around you has unhealed trauma , denial etc , this becomes a normal set point .

We , as a family attended 1 family counseling session, and ex said he would not return.. not interested

Faith/church/religion was the same; NOT interested..

I came to know his lack of interest in me also, but I noted lack of interest in himself , and a very dark soul wound that drove his desire to be happy , elsewhere , creating a past that served his victim , survivor ” experience”

What makes psychosis confusing is that an eruption of infant trauma is expressing itself through the lens, the body, and the voice of someone who is now an adult.
— Read on www.madinamerica.com/2023/05/psychosis-is-an-expression-of-early-childhood-trauma-daniel-mackler/

Why doesn’t she leave?

Wʜʏ ᴅᴏᴇsɴ’ᴛ sʜᴇ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ?

Because he has her so brainwashed that it’s all her fault and that she’s no good to anyone and no one will want her or love her and there’s no way she can possibly make it on her own.

Wʜʏ ᴅᴏᴇsɴ’ᴛ sʜᴇ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ?

Because she thinks that if she just tries harder and if she’s a better wife and a better mom that maybe he will be happy with her and he wouldn’t get so angry with her. And maybe he will be the same sweet, charming man that he was when they first met.

Wʜʏ ᴅᴏᴇsɴ’ᴛ sʜᴇ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ?

Because he has her convinced that if she tries he will hurt or kill her or her family. Because he has threatened to tell the judge that she is a bad mom and will take away her kids and she will never see them again. Because he has taken away her money and convinced her that she has no good job qualities to make it on her own financially and she will always need him.

More people are concerned with why women stay in abusive relationships than why men are abusing women. Unless you’ve been in an abusive relationship people have no idea how hard it is to escape. Abusers are able to fool those outside the home because they usually only abuse those inside the home.

They need your support.

They need your love.

They do not need your judgement.

Let’s raise awareness 💜

#domesticviolenceawarenessmonth #DVAM2021 #purplethursday

#befearless #lovedoesnthurt #abusenomore #walkingonabundance #thereisnolackinyourlife #UnityInPink&Purple2021 #Courage #BeBrave #ShowUp #StepUp #RisingStrong

Bonds of Mother Son

When the bonds between, Mother and Son are destroyed by varied entitled sources ,mothers blow back is nothing short of spiritual and reclamation.

Our sons are not interested , and since all has been surrendered on my part , I leave them to their own journey , and wakefulness .

Sadness

While reading a book i found this Irish words “Ta Bron Orm”. That means “Sadness is on me”. instead of saying “I am sad”. I love that because you don’t identify yourself with the emotion fully. “Ta Bron Orm” it’s just like sadness is on me.. for a while. You feel sad, but that is not you. Sadness is just there sitting but eventually it’ll leave. And the next day or two, something else will be there for you. That will be not sadness anymore. But something else. You are a person and your emotions are not you. You are not a prisoner of them. 
— Clau Blanco 

The Medicalization of the American Mind – Mad In America

As I experienced the pathology of a diagnosis that was false; a cover up for Domestic, Spiritual,Emotional and financial abuse , I found myself loosing everything . Family destroyed, children ignored and after years of investment in the healing of children , I am surrendering to further investment in myself , with children who like their mother/father guide of 20 years plus , has a trauma bond , secrets, shame etc that’s predominate over healing . Ie : stuck, in denial, or desirous of my demise.

I have been toughened up enough to not show emotions , and not to invest my energies , where I’d prefer not to be any longer .

Watching on the sidelines, taking no interest in me whatsoever, living in distortions , and unforgiving . Knowing how their spirits and souls are affected , and not being heard , in any mode but shaming , blaming and disposal.

Our sons have been guided, by other mothers, wives and abusive relationships , that ” own ” them, and disallow that healing matters, due to the influence that healthy healing might have on their relationships.

Lashing out at me, years ago , requesting I commit suicide , not once but twice …setting me up to be illegally arrested …threatening me with exposure of sexual abuse , writing of these memories ,citing highly distorted experiences , 2 of 3 trying to buy my property , with no though to my future , deny the fact that healing is needed.

With knowledge and awareness of the destiny of actions and none actions , I have no choice but to release , forgive their actions/non actions , for a past , and present that is far from normal , far from love , that prefers secrets, disposal and non forgiveness , and I am assured and assuring that these shadow energies will not be my future.

My efforts to heal myself , will not be breached, of this I am sure , as everything I knew of love was attempted to be destroyed , but I held on .

My prayers for a life of spirit , of sharing experiences and wisdoms are at hand , after much effort , I know my worth , and pray for the deliverance of each child, and adult that lost their normal, natural path , due to a distorted, partner, addictive and abusive , debilitating drugging by psychiatry who have been instrumental in ” erasing families “.

Failure with my own children , who prefer status quo , has taught me well, as years of co council with young people their age , who favor me , and my wisdoms .

While that may not be my future , one on one for the drain on my energy , I will be writing , reading and moving forward unfettered by grievances, abuses etc …for that’s exactly what’s most desired ..that I give up and give in, which just isn’t realistic. Generational trauma and abuse has been resolved , I understand and respect free will, and release the painful , often horrific experiences of past , and disallow any repeats .

Dona Luna 🐸✌️😘❤️

One cause of fragility? Pathologizing our children with psychiatric diagnoses and focusing on a medical solution to life’s problems.
— Read on www.madinamerica.com/2023/05/medicalization-american-mind/

Grief – Was over grieving ex – always grieve sons /grandchildren

Me: Hey God.
God: Hey John.
Me: Can you end my grief?
God: I could – but why?
Me: So I can stop being overwhelmed by my sadness.
God: There is something worse than grief.
Me: What’s that?
God: Feeling nothing. Let grief come. Let it stay as long as it needs to. Let it go. Let it come back. It’s all a process. It’s all a slow boil.
Me: So my grief will never end?
God: Not as long as you love the one who is gone. But that doesn’t mean that your grief won’t take 1000 different forms. Sometimes your grief will look like clouds in the sky or tears on your pillow or memories in your mind. Grief is formless. It will come and go like the tide. Don’t fight it. Don’t race through it. Don’t let other people tell you how to grieve. Your grief is your own. Honor your grief.
Me: How do I honor my grief?
God: Grab a pen and write down what I’m about to tell you.

when somebody else tries
to tell you how you should grieve
smile and forgive them
through your watering eyes
and then imagine
how lonely it must be
to be the person who
audits the tears
of other people
the well-intended
will tell you how
long you should miss
your beloved
but
you take your time
grief is a hedge maze
and being lost inside of it
is more than okay
don’t race through
your heartache
because you might
just miss a miracle
or two
in the teardrops rolling
down your face
don’t grieve quickly
just to make somebody
else feel better
if you need to,
let your grief
become a coral reef
let the algae of your hurt
slowly form over the years
into the softest violet hue of heaven
it can take two lifetimes to recover
when our beloved becomes
an empty chair
it’s okay
take as much time
as you need
your healing is your healing
and the scars of absence
will itch longer than you can imagine
but that is because you
risked to love so deeply
and that is far better than
the alternative
I am proud of you
and the courage it
takes for you to grieve
so fearlessly
don’t listen to those
who want you to go back
to normal
normal will never exist again
for those of us who have
lost a part of our heart
if the moon broke in half
would it feel normal?
to hell with normal
normal was their scent on your collar
normal was their voice resting in your ear
normal was their touch on your skin
you have a new normal
it’s looking at the shape of clouds
for messages from the great beyond
that your beloved is fine
you have a new normal
it’s building a cabin in
the woods of your memory
where you and your beloved
can meet for lunch
you have a new normal
it’s crying and laughing
at the same time
whenever their favorite
song plays on the radio
grief isn’t the enemy
of life
numbness is
don’t become numb to your suffering
welcome it in
and let it wrap you
up like a blanket
whenever it shows up
at your door
it’s okay
I swear
it’s okay
your beloved misses you just
as much as you miss them
and someday
you two will
get all tangled up
together again
someday
you two will
push each on a
swing again under
a shower of falling blooms
and someday
you two will ride
comets together
on the edge of everything
and someday
you two will giggle
at all of the people
who tried to tell you
how to grieve
~ john roedel

I thought

I Thought ~

I thought I saw your face today,

in the sparkle of the morning sun.

And then I heard the angel say,

“Their work on earth is done.”

I thought I heard your voice today,

then laugh your hearty laugh.

And then I heard the angel say,

“There’s peace dear one at last.”

I thought I felt your touch today,

in the breeze that rustled by.

And then I heard the angel say,

“The spirit never dies.”

I thought I saw my broken heart,

in the crescent of the moon.

And then I heard the angel say,

“The Lord is coming soon.”

I thought that you had left me,

for the stars so far above.

And then I heard the angel say,

“They left you with their love.”

I thought that I would miss you so,

and never find my way.

And then I heard the angel say,

“They’re with you every day.”

“The sun, the wind, the moon, the stars,

will forever be around,

reminding you of the love you shared,

and the peace they’ve finally found.

~ Bobbi Davies ~

Artist Credit Breten Bryden

Grief

“Excessive grief can hold you back in developing your karma. You need to realize that you will be running across this person again, that you miss so deeply and are grieving so hard for. You are not parted forever. It is just a temporary separation and you need to put that behind you and continue with your own growth so you will be ready for your next life.”

Dolores Cannon

Between Death and Life