Perfectionist- OCD

Labeled a ” mental disorder ”

or trauma response ?

Being subjected to a

perfectionist as a child can and

does create ” Patty Perfect ”

ends up in overwhelming

life situations, burdened with

responsibilities and many

negatives can result .

Alcoholism is just one response

but expecting all around you

to be perfect is a heavy burden

especially when one does not

strive for perfection perhaps

having laid that burden down !

Qualifying behaviors, as just

” my OCD” kicking in doesn’t

resonate when it’s a place for

blame , or projected blame

always pointing out the lack

in another . It’s a stressful

situation and personally I

don’t do well under such

pressure .

I had ” family ” members via

marriage that were always

exclusive in their bond , found

me less than desirable and a

partner who did not ever have

my back , but rather joined in

the ladies constant criticism

and judgment which was

highly toxic and really affected

me as a newly wed , mother

the 1st year and for several

decades . I did not want to be

in their company as it became

more intense and flagrantly

obvious!

I was not fully aware that our

sons had adapted to this , and

with those last 5 years in toxic

treatment for ” bipolar ” it

was a mantra of ex and his

family that I chose to be

Bipolar and gravely ill to get

out of my duties as Mom .

I’m sure ex felt the loss of my

inability to do my ” jobs”

and further neglected the

horrific situation and it’s effect

on our sons .

He was busy making plans to

exit with as much as possible

and covertly blame all

failures on me .

Of course it’s always been and

always will be his job to heal

that childhood desire or

pressure for perfection but I’m

keenly aware of what a toll

that takes on everyone in his

world as he always is in that

mode and never really

enjoying the moment and that

radiates to others negatively .

It’s the ” bar” expected of those

around him ; Great

Expectations that I could not

meet which made me less

than in his opinion!

I realize how it drained him

and noted how scheduled he

was concerning his personal

habits .

He had no idea , nor did he

care how anything affected

me .

iocdf.org/about-OCD/

Solitude is not Loneliness

I have a sweet man friend who came up to me at a music hall and asked if he could join me because I looked lonely!

I replied that far from truth I enjoy watching others and being on my own was not lonely.

Having had a partner , with whom I felt lonely, the pain of loneliness was acute from no contact with our sons .

But as my knowledge grew of this loneliness, I realized I would die of it and that was the objective of ex , and making peace within , I surrendered loneliness and birthdays and holidays and his never ending control and abuse long after the finale divorce .

I never knew lonely is such depth until all I knew and loved in my family was removed to serve him and his dark shadow

“Solitude isn’t loneliness. Solitude is when the entire serene universe seems to surround and hold you quietly.”

― Victoria Erickson

Artist: Kate Bedell

Solitude is not about avoiding being with other people. It’s about being with yourself. In the words of Lao Tzu: ‘Ordinary men hate solitude. But the Master makes use of it, embracing his aloneness, realising he is one with the whole universe.’

The solution is to know thyself. When you connect with your essence and live your individual truth, you will find happiness. That connection demands you to move within and embrace aloneness.

KŌ B’A JÃ

🦋💜✨

Self Love

I had to self love or buy that the distorted , malignant abuse was deserved .

I touched on his distorted mentality, but had no validation and then it was the chemical straightjacket of psychiatry that allowed him to blame me for everything and he to be the hero/ savior/ father /child who was never interested in partnership or growth as a couple or in parenting our 3 sons

He’s past due for the facts and an end to his every effort to control and destroy me , mentally , physically and most of all spiritually . I never ever sensed his connection to any higher power .

Self nurture , and self love were absolutely necessary in my varied efforts to survive !

Blessings & Peace

Dona Luna

“Do you love Me?” Alice asked.

“No, I don’t love you!” replied the White Rabbit.

Alice frowned and clasped her hands together as she did whenever she felt hurt.

“See?” replied the White Rabbit. “Now you’re going to start asking yourself what makes you so imperfect and what did you do wrong so that I can’t love you at least a little.

You know, that’s why I can’t love you. You will not always be loved Alice, there will be days when others will be tired and bored with life, will have their heads in the clouds, and will hurt you.

Because people are like that, they somehow always end up hurting each other’s feelings, whether through carelessness, misunderstanding, or conflicts with themselves.

If you don’t love yourself, at least a little, if you don’t create an armor of self-love and happiness around your heart, the feeble annoyances caused by others will become lethal and will destroy you.

The first time I saw you I made a pact with myself: ‘I will avoid loving you until you learn to love yourself.’ ”

– Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Childress -Treatment

I should talk about treatment.

You should know stuff about treatment. I thought about telling you about delusional disorders, you should know what they are too. But you need to know about treatment more.

Not the treatment of your children and this pathology – yet – just treatment of treatment stuff. Like behavior therapy and an Applied Behavioral Analysis. You should know about that (it will lead into DBT therapy because DBT is based on behavioral therapy principles of Applied Behavioral Analysis).

Behavior therapy is the “B” in DBT. You should know what the A-B-C’s of ABA are. What? Exactly.

It’s easy once you understand it. The Contingent Visitation Schedule is a behavior therapy structure (over a Strategic family systems intervention).

You should know about Solution-Focused therapy most definitely. That’s what’s going to unlock the trauma piece of the puzzle and get things moving forward. Do things seem stuck in one place? Solution-Focused therapy will unstick it.

You should also know about Narrative therapy – it is excellent. It’s a tricky little post-modern social constructionsist therapy, it’s in the same school of psychotherapy as Solution-Focused therapy. I use Narrative therapy all the time and no one sees it because no one knows what it is. I should introduce you to Narrative therapy.

Don’t try this at home kids, Dr. Childress is a trained professional. If untrained people start using knowledge willy-nilly, you might create a better world, and you wouldn’t want that.

So be careful with the knowledge I give you. The application of knowledge by untrained people could create a wonderful world, and you’re not ready for that yet – so use it in small doses so you don’t create wonderful too fast. Slowly.

I should tell you about therapy. Not therapy for your kids, not exactly, not yet. Just therapy for therapy things. What is it and how does it work.

There’s schools of therapy – four – actually five – actually six. Five and six are amazingly effective, but you need to know schools one-through-four as the basics for understanding therapy, then add five, then add six.

The four primary schools are

1. Psychoanalytic – Freud and the couch – this is the grand-daddy school of them all, called “depth-psychology” – it’s evolved to Self Psychology with a primary guy Kohut who is immensely relevant to the family conflict pathology in the courts. Bowlby, attachment, and Tronick, intersubjectivity, are in the psychoanalytic school.

2. Cognitive-Behavioral (CBT) – Skinner and lab animals – this is the reward-and-punishment behavioral therapy approach. Actually it’s about cues and triggers – what cues (elicits) the behavior. Sometimes it’s what we think – that’s the cognitive part of CBT. It’s the primary school in use most everywhere, and CBT is the foundation for DBT (Linehan).

3. Humanisitic-Existential – self-actualization and growth – this is the soft and accepting school of therapy – Rogers Client Centered therapy. This school of therapy is about transformations, it’s not appropriate for the pathology here in the family courts.

Family Systems – it’s about families and how they work – this is the school of psychotherapy that should be applied when diagnosing and treating family conflict – there’s three schools within family systems – Minuchin Structural – Haley & Madanes Strategic – Bowen Bowenian (he kinda describes it all, with the others expanding on Bowen-themes).

The fifth school is Post-Modern Social Constructionism – I think of them as boutique therapies – Cultural therapy – Feminist therapy – Solution-Focused therapy – Narrative therapy. They are all amazingly powerful, tricky to learn but powerful when used.

I strongly suggest the addition of Solution-Focused therapy to DBT family therapy for this pathology in the courts, it will release the process from its focus on the past. I add Solution-Focused therapy to pretty much everything I do from the other schools of psychotherapy.

I like Narrative therapy a lot. I use it a lot. I embed Narrative therapy into my work in the other schools as well. The Post-Modern Social Construction schools of psychotherapy are like principles – you can use the principles within the other schools as well.

They all blend. But do you know what happens when you blend a bunch of paints together? It turns to mud-color. Mixing colors to create a painting is a professional craft.

I should tell you about therapy. You’re going to want DBT (court-adapted), that’s from the Cognitive-Behavioral school, so you should know about an Applied Behavioral Analysis, you’ll find that helpful.

You should know about attachment-therapy, that’s from the Psychoanalytic school – that’s going to be Tronick and his breach-and-repair sequence. You’ll find that helpful too – watch Tronick’s Still Face YouTube description of his research on the breach-and-repair sequence.

You should know about Solution-Focused therapy too so you can get un-stuck from your stuck. You’d probably like to be unstuck from your stuck.

Dr. Childress and the School of Rock… er… Psychotherapy, this Sunday 8 Pacific on Facebook Live. Let’s change the world – slowly – go slow – you don’t want to create wonderful too fast, you’re not ready for a wonderful world just yet, so just use a little of the knowledge I give you to solve little things until you’re ready to solve everything.

Don’t create the solution too fast because then you won’t have a problem to fix, and you need your problem. Why do you need your problem? I don’t know. It makes no sense to me, but you hold onto it so I guess you need it.

So fix it slowly. Otherwise you’ll wind up with everything fixed and you won’t have your problems anymore.

Dr. Childress – Schools of Psychotherapy – Sunday over morning coffee and crumpets. Let’s rock this Internet thing and take her out for a spin to see what she can do – tomorrow at 8 Pacific.

Schools of Psychotherapy and coffee with Dr. Childress.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.

Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857

Depression stats are still high , despite all the “ advanced treatments “

Between 1987 and 2007, the number of people receiving treatment for depression in the United States increased fourfold (and has continued to rise more gradually since). However, the prevalence of depression either stayed the same—or may have even increased—during that time. Researchers call this the “treatment-prevalence paradox” (TPP).

* Browse through a DSM for all the codes that allow billing to insurance and you’ll find every human emotion , every sickness , every disease and you can bet the pharmacy has an antidepressant for that particular issue .

No science. Read the facts of how efficiently testing is done or not.

Ready of the kin ship between FDA who usually rewards the best show , not the best product.

The horrific loss of life and families erased as mine was began in 1987 with the huge push to diagnosis bipolar which presented in varied ways .

Their eyes are wide shut about these side effects and society accepted , the law embraced the all knowing wizards of Pharma and suicide was normalized by many especially 80’s

Ignoring thus supporting abuse Knowing thus supporting the trauma .

For these reasons and more , having personally exited that matrix , I’m aware there are many like I was ; induced into a state of Ill health and toxic mind and endured 5 years of neglect , abandonment , having no interest in my life , before leaving for another 20 year period aligned with his twin .

Learning nothing , his shadow is depressive , and I’m eager to complete business and no contact ever .

Coming to and regaining , renewing my essence was hellish in many respects but invaluable to my healing process .

Blessings& Peace ❤️☮️

Dona Luna 🐸

Now, in a new study, researchers review the seven possible explanations for this—and the evidence for and against each one. The study was led by Johan Ormel at the University of Groningen, The Netherlands, and published in Clinical Psychology Review.

Ormel and his co-authors explain:

“The increased availability of effective treatments should shorten depressive episodes, reduce relapses, and curtail recurrences. Combined, these treatment advances unequivocally should result in lower point-prevalence estimates of depression. Have these reductions occurred? The empirical answer clearly is NO.”

Despite More Treatments for Depression, Prevalence Doesn’t Decrease—Why?

www.madinamerica.com/2022/10/treatment-depression-increased/

61 benefits of Marijuana

I was exposed to 1952 era termite spray in 2012 ; after assurances of not having to leave the house and developing flu like symptoms with in days , after being poisoned.

I am very careful not to allow infection deep into my chest and if I react to COVID shedding, or seasonal allergies I can cough up clear mucus which is rather thick but NOT infected !

Not infected though dry cough and clear film and very runny nose .

I include the many chemicals that exist in our environment that we know of and many we do not .

I’m lucky not to have inherited the COPD of my Dad and his Dad along with asthma . WHEW

I have not utilized marijuana all my adult life , but I’m not sorry for many of the listed pluses for its use have benefited me greatly .

Including not being able to eat from grief 🙏

So for me and many others it’s a natural Blessing that we pray doesn’t get adulterated like cigarettes ( 150 chemicals in each ) .

I don’t vape due to studies that indicate a negative side effect on the interior of lungs .

I am grateful for the Ozone treatments and have faith that the future holds more healing treatments than the past has afforded me .

I have major dental work to be done and that includes abscesses from heavy metal poisoning in a rental pre COVID

I am legal for Marijuana in the Commonwealth of Virginia!

* You know you and your body !

Blessings & Peace ☮️

Dona Luna

www.herbonaut.com/benefits-of-marijuana/

Change

This property was depicted as my safe place after 4 very months of bouncing around after my COVID eviction.

Having given away most of my furniture, there were things there I could use and things that I helped facilitate giving away for owners.

It was never cleaned and sadly I found the tenet before me was the only child and with her son ( grandson ) had been evicted as well before me !!! Of course stories abound but I find it interesting and example this house which did rent to a man and repairs are being made as noted in this shot . New deck and new paint .

An offer was made to sell at $50 over what was paid and my research showed a reduction in value 10k what was paid by current owners/landlords . I did not find my self desperate enough to buy it at such a high price with such obvious and varied repairs , far greater that was we saw today .

Notices to move (30 days )were the result of my friendship with the only child to whom I was told not to talk to.

Many stories were created and embellished to create the belief that we the renters were to blame and deserved to be ” thrown out ”

Many times I asked ” Am I safe here , and was always reassured that I was .

The male tenet HAS a lease !

The views are magnificent but there is a negative vibe attached to this ” gated community ” where I began to feel I was watched and certainly was true of a repair guy who worked for them , and would just show up , parked in the yard , in the storage shed which he had lots of stuff as well as the owners who allowed that I would have space to store my things , rather than pay storage else where. I was not comfortable with the situation nor the ability of repairs . A washer was replaced with yard sale type 2nds due to a spring having gone bad which was missed by their examination and discovered by my 23 year old repair man !

A very harsh winter , time with no electric power after being told it NEVER happened ! And I was not checked in on by these folks in any way , shape or form .

It was discovered after I left end of July 2021 that dementia and pre existing mental illness ( life long secret ) gripped 1 of the 2 and I had to feel that I had dodged a bullet .

All in all … wasted time

wasted faith

wasted money

And the betrayal of home and heart that sadly has met its mark with an only child and their son .

It did however result in the acceptance of truths and healing for the child/grandchild

Photo credit

Laura B