Tag: Dire Results Of Domestic Abuse

Trauma Bonds& Children

Did you know that we’re not the only ones who experience trauma-bonding in toxic relationships?

If you have a narcissist in your home with your children (as their parent or otherwise), they will become trauma-bonded, too.

This partly explains why many children, regardless of age, seem to “side” with the narcissistic parent. There are other reasons for this, but trauma bonding is one of the primary ones. They can’t help themselves.

I wrote an article about the damage narcissists does to children. You can read it here:

👉 https://bit.ly/NarcissistsDevastateChildren

Just as you have a hard time analyzing why you dislike the narcissist, but can’t seem to leave them, children are even less equipped to handle trauma-bonding and the other symptoms that arise from narcissistic abuse.

Many of the same dynamics that you experience in your relationship with the narcissist, your children are also experiencing, no matter how much you may try to shield them.

For example, if the narcissist is your partner and they constantly cheat on you, your children experience the backlash from this, as well. And not only from the narcissist, unfortunately. Think about it…if you’re constantly cheated on by the narcissist, how many hours do you spend playing detective, checking out social media for proof, researching narcissism, having meltdowns in your bedroom, and chatting in the forums?

What often happens is that children are not only ignored and neglected by the narcissist, but you can’t be present with them, either, when you are constantly devastated by repeated infidelities and other relationship dramas.

But aside from that, your children become trauma-bonded to the very person you’re trying to protect them from. There’s really no way to shield them from this if there is a narcissist in the home.

Just as you become euphoric over relationship crumbs, so do children.

Just as you become devastated by the lies, so do children.

We want to believe that children are emotionally resilient, but we are now seeing the devastating effects of this old belief. Just as with us, the trauma they experience becomes deeply embedded and affects them their whole lives…often leading them into their own toxic relationships as they mature and become adults.

When there is a narcissist in the home, children cannot learn what healthy love is and many of their own needs are overlooked or unnoticed. There isn’t a magical bubble that protects them from the dysfunctional dynamics of toxic relationships with dysfunctional people.

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Ready to put up an electric fence? Then (if you haven’t already), make sure you watch my free workshop on severing trauma bonds.

🖥️ https://bit.ly/7StepsBreaktheNarcissisticSpell

Always thinking of you. Xo

Kim

Trauma Response


The inability to receive support from others is a trauma response.
Your “I don’t need anyone, I’ll just do it all myself” conditioning is a survival tactic. And you needed it to shield your heart from abuse, neglect, betrayal, and disappointment from those who could not or would not be there for you.
From the parent who was absent and abandoned you by choice or the parent who was never home from working three jobs to feed and house you.
From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy but never offered a safe haven that honoured your heart.
From the friendships and family who ALWAYS took more than they ever gave.
From all the situations when someone told you “we’re in this together” or “I got you” then abandoned you, leaving you to pick up the pieces when shit got real, leaving you to handle your part and their part, too.
From all the lies and all the betrayals.
You learned along the way that you just couldn’t really trust people. Or that you could trust people, but only up to a certain point.
Extreme-independence IS. A. TRUST. ISSUE.
You learnt: if I don’t put myself in a situation where I rely on someone, I won’t have to be disappointed when they don’t show up for me, or when they drop the ball… because they will ALWAYS drop the ball EVENTUALLY right?
You may even have been intentionally taught this protection strategy by generations of hurt ancestors who came before you.
Extreme-independence is a preemptive strike against heartbreak.
So, you don’t trust anyone.
And you don’t trust yourself, either, to choose people.
To trust is to hope, to trust is to be vulnerable.
“Never again,” you vow.
But no matter how you dress it up and display it proudly to make it seem like this level of independence is what you always wanted to be, in truth it’s your wounded, scarred, broken heart behind a protective brick wall.
Impenetrable. Nothing gets in. No hurt gets in. But no love gets in either.
Fortresses and armor are for those in battle, or who believe the battle is coming.
It’s a trauma response.
The good news is trauma that is acknowledged is trauma that can be healed.
You are worthy of having support.
You are worthy of having true partnership.
You are worthy of love.
You are worthy of having your heart held.
You are worthy to be adored.
You are worthy to be cherished.
You are worthy to have someone say, “You rest. I got this.” And actually deliver on that promise.
You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy.
You don’t have to earn it.
You don’t have to prove it.
You don’t have to bargain for it.
You don’t have to beg for it.
You are worthy.
Worthy.
Simply because you exist.

  • Jamila White

Implosion of Narcissistic Is Inevitable

This morning out side of my

room , I am blessed with no

one here at the moment ! The

basic deal yesterday and I

chose to do very little .

The birds are joy filled and

singing on high and there are

moments when there is no

traffic and the singing sounds

are pure ! Heaven on Earth

includes non disturbed nature

sight and sound ; and sound

will be at my discretion and

mostly my discernment 🙏🏡

As will be guest ie visitors

who notify me as to their

intention to see me .

I deserve the peace and I

have grasp the continued

attempts to alienate me

are they indeed war between

shadow and light that ends

the choke hold of behaviors

such as narcissistic for several

reasons to intend to expound

on .

So I was only present a few

times when my abuser , took

the low road , became the

victim who was entitled to

walk out on his family , and

his ” partner ” , quickly co

habitat with his new supply

and all the horrific abuses

targeting me in intensified

and I was not allowed to be

in her airspace . The times

I was she childishly had to

pointy place me far away

or behind her ( as with

3rd son’s high school

graduation)

I wasn’t allowed to attend his

college graduation , nor his

wedding , nor have I met his

2 sons .

I did not pay towards these life

events so I did not deserve to

attend .

So the wedding pictures have

the newer supply , who split

after almost same year span

and nearly dead .

She called as I visited , heard

my voice and I heard her

screaming !?!?!

So this is his life or was .,,

Not being a man of change

or communication with

honesty , I have noted the

signs of implosion .

I am not the example , I was

the warning ; it would not

serve me to make any

efforts towards helping him

as the last example I

experienced was the end of

any more test .

Legal business matters are

more urgent , for several

reasons and as usual he goes

silent and disconnected ;

not an ounce of cooperation

as our sons hold tight, the

past is present . I again can

do nor say anything .

I am resting a lot , mentally

holding peace and faith , but

my body has other

experiences.

A 1st partner , contractually

owned me through the laws

of a Common Wealth that up

holds the standard quo in

patriarchal abuses that’s

gained clarity as we

experience, the country of

men, not a country of law .

That paradigm is domestic

abuse and domestic terror

and has no place on New

Earth !

It’s way past time ; I

surrendered to the path both

the marital partnership and

the resent attempt to partner

while doing business as well

as my living space and

reducing my income income

as indicated this is his business

and his faith upholds these

acts !

Both feel chosen and enabled

to target me , attempting to

leave me very little . Age ,

health, and a conscious that

says this is wrong or illegal.

The repeated lessons of not

finding legal assistance , left

no doubts who did not have

an interest in my situation

and as such cost me the truth

towards getting charges ;

same repetitive lack of

concern and consciousness

that’s a red flag đźš©

Neither are interested in doing

the right thing . This is the

energy that sucked up our

sons , and we all know

we have free will… eventually.

Healing is supported , choices

are made , resolutions do

exist , and I’m quite sure I am

not responsible nor deserving

of being targeted by anyone

for any reason ; it does say

more about the other person

but for now I’m safe , seizing

the restorative aspects of

this fraudulent attempt at

divestment; while assured

I was invested and would

not know I was being taken

and that no one would care .

Excellent response by Deputies

magistrates and Agency on

Aging , as well as Austin

who has my back and for Spirit

who assures me , all is coming

together in true liberation

of any energies who do not

support me and I am grateful

to be closing out ancestral

trauma for both sides of my

family ; that our grandchildren

as well as we , never have to

have these abuses come up

for replay , repeating the

trauma .

Blood Lines are cleared and

new again for New Earth and

New Beginnings !

Blessings on this 4th

Let freedom / Liberation and

Unity rock & roll

Dona Luna

youtube.com/watch

Boundary Violation

Dr. Annie Kaszina has this to say about forgiveness of your abuser:

Notice, this is all about self-forgiveness. Those people who tell you that you need to forgive the people who hurt and abused you, might well not be considering your feelings in all of this.

Your feelings are what matter.

Toxic people who hurt you quite deliberately don’t need your forgiveness. They won’t do anything good with it. If and when you actually want to forgive them, feel free. But do think what that forgiveness means to you.

It can just mean cutting the cords of resentment – but still holding people accountable for their behavior. In your own mind, at least.

It doesn’t mean exposing yourself to further abuse.

The person who needs your forgiveness is you. Clearly, your life suffered as a result of choices you did or didn’t- could or couldn’t – make.

Even if the choices were wrong, your intention was likely honorable. So, forgive yourself for your mistakes and allow yourself to start to rebuild.

Why Narks fake Intimacy

Perhaps some , distorted

folks do fake intimacy . The

fact is it never existed on his

part, ever ! I knew that was

the place we needed to go

to succeed; it never got there .

It was good insanity to lies

his war , his lies , his

addictions .

It took , years to face that fact

and realize that smut and

pornography, swinging and

drinking at every opportunity

with no growth whatsoever

in our marriage . End Game

I considered options and

internalizing his rejects , lack

of support with expectations

that our home was in perfect

order and our lives were to

be envied .

Never Knew Lonely as deeply

and began to know how

weaponized he would make

every body and everything

I held sacred and holy .

In the 2 decades since he

released himself from any

and all emotional ties with

me , all that remains is hatred

and the continuation of my

living death so truths die with

me .

There was a beginning .

There is an end .

His WAR belongs to him as

liberation has released each

if our family to peruse their

lives as they wish .

War

Peace

And in between Thy Will Is

Done

Blessings & Peace ✌️

Dona Luna

youtube.com/watch

Nark Parent

Anything and everything has been done and said to disqualify me as a parent . As a person

Money is a super power , thus I should not have money to buy a house , a new vehicle, to pay for health,dental treatments, much less travel or invest .

So entitled, he has negotiated leasing contracts , and I receive varied amounts of income per year in a 5 year contract period .

For 20 years !!!

Believing your own lies and expecting me to.

My social security was affected by his 1 check from check company which looked like higher income and thus he paid taxes on it .

With credit & family companies and connections plus his creative abilities allowed him to annul our marriage with a request and large donation!

Nothing he won’t do to save his reputation EXCEPT doing the right thing . Doing as he wrote , promising .

He loves ” his ” kids ….