Boundary Violation

Dr. Annie Kaszina has this to say about forgiveness of your abuser:

Notice, this is all about self-forgiveness. Those people who tell you that you need to forgive the people who hurt and abused you, might well not be considering your feelings in all of this.

Your feelings are what matter.

Toxic people who hurt you quite deliberately don’t need your forgiveness. They won’t do anything good with it. If and when you actually want to forgive them, feel free. But do think what that forgiveness means to you.

It can just mean cutting the cords of resentment – but still holding people accountable for their behavior. In your own mind, at least.

It doesn’t mean exposing yourself to further abuse.

The person who needs your forgiveness is you. Clearly, your life suffered as a result of choices you did or didn’t- could or couldn’t – make.

Even if the choices were wrong, your intention was likely honorable. So, forgive yourself for your mistakes and allow yourself to start to rebuild.

I owed myself

I owe myself an apology

For all of the times

I tore myself apart.

When I neglected my own needs

Lowered my standards

Berated myself

And put myself down.

For the self-sabotage

I continually inflicted upon myself

And the times when I apologised

For being who I was

And expressing myself authentically.

And I owe myself

The permission to start anew.

To forgive myself

For the battles I fought

That weren’t mine to fight

For all of the love

That I failed to give myself

And for the times when I failed to realise

That rather than being broken

I was worthy of value, respect 

And beautiful, brilliant things in life

And how I treated myself

Dictated how others would view me

And in turn, behave towards me

So by showering myself

With love, kindness, forgiveness and respect

In turn, I could pave the way

For others to do the same.

Tahlia Hunter

www.raisingvibrations.com.au