I owe myself an apology
For all of the times
I tore myself apart.
When I neglected my own needs
Lowered my standards
And put myself down.
For the self-sabotage
I continually inflicted upon myself
And the times when I apologised
For being who I was
And expressing myself authentically.
And I owe myself
The permission to start anew.
To forgive myself
For the battles I fought
That weren’t mine to fight
For all of the love
That I failed to give myself
And for the times when I failed to realise
That rather than being broken
I was worthy of value, respect
And beautiful, brilliant things in life
And how I treated myself
Dictated how others would view me
And in turn, behave towards me
So by showering myself
With love, kindness, forgiveness and respect
In turn, I could pave the way
For others to do the same.
Before I ended up in this dungeon of the world,
I was with you all the time.
How I wish I’d never fallen into
this earthly trap.
I kept telling you over and over again:
“I’m perfectly happy here.
I don’t want to go anywhere.
To travel from this exaltation down to earth
is just too difficult a journey.”
You sent me anyway:
“Go, don’t be scared.
No harm will come to you.
I will always be with you.”
You persuaded me by saying:
“If you go, you’ll gain new experiences.
You’ll progress on your path.
You’ll be far more mature
when you come back home.”
I replied: “O Essence of Knowledge,
What good is all this learning and information without you?
Who could leave you for knowledge,
unless he has no knowledge of you?”
When I drink wine from your hand,
I haven’t a care in the world.
I become drunk and happy.
I couldn’t care less about gain or loss,
or people’s good or bad features.
Romantic Encounter c1864
Mihaly von Zichy