Trauma Bonds& Children

Did you know that we’re not the only ones who experience trauma-bonding in toxic relationships?

If you have a narcissist in your home with your children (as their parent or otherwise), they will become trauma-bonded, too.

This partly explains why many children, regardless of age, seem to “side” with the narcissistic parent. There are other reasons for this, but trauma bonding is one of the primary ones. They can’t help themselves.

I wrote an article about the damage narcissists does to children. You can read it here:


Just as you have a hard time analyzing why you dislike the narcissist, but can’t seem to leave them, children are even less equipped to handle trauma-bonding and the other symptoms that arise from narcissistic abuse.

Many of the same dynamics that you experience in your relationship with the narcissist, your children are also experiencing, no matter how much you may try to shield them.

For example, if the narcissist is your partner and they constantly cheat on you, your children experience the backlash from this, as well. And not only from the narcissist, unfortunately. Think about it…if you’re constantly cheated on by the narcissist, how many hours do you spend playing detective, checking out social media for proof, researching narcissism, having meltdowns in your bedroom, and chatting in the forums?

What often happens is that children are not only ignored and neglected by the narcissist, but you can’t be present with them, either, when you are constantly devastated by repeated infidelities and other relationship dramas.

But aside from that, your children become trauma-bonded to the very person you’re trying to protect them from. There’s really no way to shield them from this if there is a narcissist in the home.

Just as you become euphoric over relationship crumbs, so do children.

Just as you become devastated by the lies, so do children.

We want to believe that children are emotionally resilient, but we are now seeing the devastating effects of this old belief. Just as with us, the trauma they experience becomes deeply embedded and affects them their whole lives…often leading them into their own toxic relationships as they mature and become adults.

When there is a narcissist in the home, children cannot learn what healthy love is and many of their own needs are overlooked or unnoticed. There isn’t a magical bubble that protects them from the dysfunctional dynamics of toxic relationships with dysfunctional people.


Ready to put up an electric fence? Then (if you haven’t already), make sure you watch my free workshop on severing trauma bonds.


Always thinking of you. Xo


Author: GreatCosmicMothersUnited

I have joined with many parents affected with the surreal , yet accepted issue of child abuse via Pathogenic Parenting / Domestic abuse. As a survivor of Domestic Abuse, denial abounded that 3 sons were not affected. In my desire to be family to those who have found me lacking . As a survivor of psychiatric abuse, therapist who abused also and toxic prescribed medications took me to hell on earth with few moments of heaven. I will share my life, my experiences and my studies and research.. I will talk to small circles and I will council ; as targeted parents , grandparents , aunts , uncles etc. , are denied contact with a child for reasons that serve the abuser ...further abusing the child. I grasp the trauma and I have looked at the lost connection to a higher power.. I grasp when one is accustomed to privilege, equality can feel like discrimination.. Shame and affluence silences a lot of facts , truths that have been labeled "negative". It is about liberation of the soul from projections of a alienator , and abuser ..

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