“Survivors do not mourn together. They each mourn alone, even when in the same place. Grief is the most solitary of all feelings. Grief isolates, and every ritual, every gesture, every embrace, is a hopeless effort to break through that isolation.None of it works. The forms crumble and dissolve. To face death is to stand alone.”
― Steven Erikson
No Matter What They Say
You do not have to get over it.
You will carry your grief
and be carried by loss
in any way the carrying happens.
As if you had a choice.
Grief builds rooms inside you
no one else will ever see,
rooms with doors
only you can pass through
filled with songs or silence
only you can hear.
Rest here. Or dance here.
Shout. Or whisper. Rise
like milkweed seeds on the wind.
Or lie. Here, you can only do it right.
Here, there are no other eyes
or ears to tell you what to do
or how long it will take
or what choices to make.
And if you are weeping, weep.
And if you are dry, you are dry.
The rest of the world
can talk about stages
of grief and how it should be,
but you, you do not have to listen.
~ Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer
[Image: Sarah Treanor]
Several of mine are listed !
www.webmd.com/depression/ss/cm/things-that-look-like-depression-but-arent
–Eric JonesListen to AudioTranslationsRSVP for Awakin Circle
I ran across a developmental psychology theory not long ago that I’ve had bouncing around in the back of my head ever since. It comes from the pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, who coined the term “good-enough mother” to describe the everyday kind of parent who does their best to meet their child’s needs and only fails at doing so in ordinary and understandable, even inevitable ways. His theory is about the origins and development of two distinct selves in each of us, a “true self” and a “false self.”
As babies and very young children, Winnicott says, each of us instinctively expresses our true selves: we cry when we’re hungry or tired or in distress; as toddlers, we act with creativity and spontaneity without much (if any) thought about what’s correct or proper, and we can have the most dramatic emotional outbursts when we don’t get what we want. We can’t help but express our true selves when we’re very young, because we can’t do otherwise; we need what we need and we want what we want, and we do our best to get it.
And here’s the crux of the whole thing: If our caregivers are attuned and capable, if they’re able to read our true expressions of need and want and (mostly) gratify them most of the time, it strengthens a belief in us that our most honest needs are okay, and that we ourselves are relatable and worthy. If we receive this “true self” recognition and reassurance as children, then we’re much more likely to move into adulthood connected to our true self, willing to live openly, alive and present to our most deeply felt longings.
But some of us don’t get that much-needed reassurance. As very young children we express our truest needs and our caregivers can’t respond adequately or consistently, due to things like depression or addiction, and we come to learn that our most basic needs aren’t acceptable or relatable. Winnicott says that in cases like this a child becomes “compliant,” meaning they don’t just stop expressing their truest needs to caregivers unable or unwilling to meet them, they lose touch with those deepest needs by convincing themselves they weren’t the very things they needed in the first place. This adaptive story is, according to Winnicott, the birth of the “false self,” which is also the compliant self.
More simply put, I think the theory is that when we’re very young, we need to have adults around us who are strong enough and capable enough and loving enough that we can express our wants and desires with as much anti-social self-centeredness as humanly possible, and they will consistently love us unconditionally, accept us, and give us what we need most of the time. By doing so, they teach us that we can truly be our most authentic selves and the world will still hold us, accept us, even love us. And when we don’t get that, we learn the opposite: that the world might not accept us and almost certainly won’t love us if we express our true needs or callings. And even more, we’ll do such a good job convincing ourselves we don’t want what we in fact need, that we’ll live lives divorced from our creativity and passions because we can’t find our way back to them after those first and formative lies. We’ll be lost in our false selves, accommodating others, not trusting the world to be strong or capable enough to hold us dearly.
This such a powerful photo because grief really hurts! It’s called “Don’t die with the Dead” . And I get it😢…
While grief has no time limit, some spend many days mourning what has passed on rather than embracing the life we are privileged to have left. Please live. Your loved ones would want you to live life to the fullest for they know more than anyone that we all are here for a limited time only. Prayers for those who are yet grieving loss❤️🩹
LETTING GO OF WOUNDS, TO BECOME MORE:
Some gentle, and loving rhetorical questions that I pray supports even just one person:
Are you still holding on to WOUNDS that caused you pain and suffering. Last week, last year, 30 years ago, or from your early childhood? Are you still consciously choosing to HOLD ON to those painful inner wounds. Are you ignoring that they are still there in the foreground or background of what you are creating in expression to self or any others? Where sub consciously pain lingers on, within you. And arises again and again in your creations, in any moment, in any experience, with any one.
For it is only in the choosing at each one’s perfect timing, that we LET GO of ‘past’ experiences that happened in that moment. And can seemingly create an experience of holding on to pain, that leads to inner sustained sufferings.
Old wounds, if not seen and let go of, create for the individual, new woundings that can occur again and again, ONLY as a self creational result of the old wounds still being held onto. Consciously or subconsciously, they run in the background or foreground.
It is an individual choice, to not ‘forgive’ self. Or not ‘forgive’ any other. Yet a lack of forgiveness is the choosing of simply, HOLDING ON to your own inner pain. When we ‘forgive’ our self, or any other outside of us, we are choosing to LET GO of our OWN human personality pain that is the cause of more suffering. In the highest DIVINE truth, there is never anything to forgive. It is a human misunderstood idea. The greater truth is in REPENTANCE. For if we have had thoughts, words or actions we are truly sorry for, we will WANT to change our own self and be a higher version the next time. If we have no inner repentance, we are effectively showing our CONSCIOUSNESS that we are not wishing to CHANGE. And so we are left be, as per one’s choice, to not expand into more consciousness, and will continue to play in a paradigm of lower energy frequencies. If we are choosing to not forgive another outside of us, we are choosing to hold on to lower frequency energies that harbour within us. So again our next created ‘reality’ will mirror that choice to us for us to see. There is always a choice, to let something go, from within you. So that you can create WITHOUT carrying inner energetic emotional or mental burdens (baggage) where inner programmes keep cycling and lower frequencies are still being operated. Generally speaking the lower three chakras that are lower energetic frequencies of fear, control and self serving desire that humanity HAS been immersed in for ions of ‘time’, that one by one, is lifting out of.
In this collective rising of humanities consciousness….Can you let go of wounds still carried. And if not now in such huge gifts of heightening frequencies and momentum, then when? And if not now then why? There is NO right or wrong choice for ANY being. There is just always choice. These are all quiet, inner, self reflective questions simply to thyself. They affect the human self and thus your creations. And thus this onward lifetime, after life and onward sojourn.
It is by making conscious choice to LET GO of your inner woundings (that hold onto lower energetic frequencies of HERTZ within you), you become lighter, of the higher frequencies, and weightless of inner burdens carried. Of less energetic density. The mind becomes less weighted down, for LOVE is weightlessness. When you let go of old traumas and old beliefs that have a HOLD over you and thus keep you CONTAINED, you set yourself free. More and more and more, until you are OUT of the old game and are sustaining a higher frequency state that can (if you wish) keep on rising.
Ever lasting eternal joy, and eternal peace arises from within you for no outer reasons. And your ever lasting eternalness is known consciously to you as your first state. These are not a result of outer life circumstances or outer acquisitions that feed the ego desires of being immersed and sustained IN a world of holographic temporary experiences. These states of being joy, love, eternal peace, bliss and harmony ARE your TRUE and very natural STATE of being. They are experienced within you, for no outer reason. It is this you return to being. And also MORE than this (more than 5D), if you choose…
Woundings, sufferings, burdens carried are let go of step by step, through your embodiment (awakening) journey. You take nothing within you, with you, except the Love within you. It is not a selfish love for self or for a few or all individuals. It is that LOVE becomes YOUR STATE of being. And so, in the knowing this is your TRUE state, may any being, allow themselves the gentle, inner, natural nurturing that pure love IS. Not the ego’s idea and delusion of love that is an idea of what love is, of the mind. For the mind does not FEEL Love. All Love, is God’s alone. And so to allow the Presence of love within you, to emerge AS YOU, as you let go, of any remaining woundings, emotional and mental pain that causes you and others, continued suffering.
And when you do SURRENDER anything just quietly, sincerely and genuinely, from WITHIN YOU, you are instantly filled. You FEEL the RELEASE. Because you are allowing your true essence to become you more. It is only a matter of each one’s timing. To let go of any inner pain still being carried. Holding on to pain, grasping it tightly of an experience, is holding on to the ‘old’ version of human you. The new version is NOT more ego and more defense. The new versions are simply…Purest Love as a state of being. Not only does the holding on to old wounds affect you, your life, your inner patterns that become repeated cycles, and are held within behaviours and reactions towards any other, it also affects your onward creations that will arise ONLY to lovingly SHOW YOU your own woundings are STILL present and running you, to be let go of.
And the deeper beauty of coming out of all wounding, all suffering, all misperceptions, the older beliefs and versions of you, is that you HOLD deep and continuous multiple layers of seeing. And a compassion for ALL others, anywhere. For you have known what it was like to live and feel pain, carry it, not understand it in the HIGHEST DIVINE TRUTH, and you understand what it feels like to THEN be set free. And so deeper kindness, gentleness, understanding of humaness, and love’s patience, allows you to hold space for all others. And often times, you will hold silent, quiet space, knowing to say nothing. For that can sometimes be the highest answer as your loving soul. A state where you see the perfection of everything, of every path, the perfection is beyond human, for it is as consciousness seeing multiple layers all at once. Everything just is. There is then nothing to TRY to mend outside of you. And everything to BE FROM. Give from. Where you allow your divine nature to become you more and more in conscious acts. As your energy, and your energy awareness. You are aware EVERYTHING and EVERY BEING is connected. And by that awareness, there is but ONE.
May you feel deeply, this is lovingly shared to support even just one person, and if not you, just let it go.
With Love Always
Amanda Lorence ❤️
9 June 2024
GreatCosmicMothersUnite 