Category: Parential Alienation-Child Abuse

How to Stay with a Narcissist

How To Stay With A Narcissist…

“It is recommended that you understand that the relationship rules for narcissists are different than those for others. The following suggestions will help you to have a close, ongoing relationship with a narcissist:

1. Make sure you collude with your narcissist to reinforce his belief that relationships are one-sided and that he is entitled to have a fantasy wife, child, etc. Become comfortable at living with double standards and performance based approval.

2. Do not require him to share in household or child-rearing responsibilities. Make sure you are willing to carry these weights yourself.In fact, make sure you are ultra-responsible in all areas of your relationship. Do not expect the relationship to be 50-50. A more realistic expectation is that he will require 100 percent of your emotional energy and almost, if not all, of your personal identity.

3. Be available as a sponge or garbage pail to absorb his rage and shame. When he needs a place to dump all his negative emotions, make sure you are readily available with a willingness to listen, understand, forgive, and feel empathy for his anger.

4. Let go of your need to be listened to, validated, or respected.

5. Become comfortable with indirect and incomplete communication. Learn well how to navigate silent treatments and gas-lighting. Do not expect dialogues, but learn to be a captive audience for long monologues and diatribes. Do not ask questions for anything requiring a specific answer. Learn to solve problems without your loved-one’s input or approval.

6. Try not to venture too close to an independent thought. Be sure and check with your narcissist to see if your idea is accurate or smart. He, after all, is an expert on everything and knows what is best. In fact, sometimes it is recommended to steer clear of thinking for yourself altogether.

7. Embrace your relationship with betrayal. Your narcissist will betray you. It might not be sexually, but it will be in one form or another, particularly designed for your specific susceptibilities.

8. Realize that love to you and love to your narcissist have entirely different meanings. For a narcissist, “love” happens when you are a secure, stable source of narcissistic supply. Understand that when a narcissist tells you he loves you it means you are helping him feel good about himself by providing steady narcissistic supply.Narcissistic supply is what narcissists depend on for emotional “stability.” Typical forms of narcissistic supply include sex, power, control, one-sided relationships with no accountability, compliments, subservience, obedience, admiration, and other requirements unique to the individual.

9. Lose yourself in him. Be what he wants you to be. Don’t have your own individuality. To do this, let his words and actions convince you that your value is based on what he claims it is.

10. Learn to dissociate from your emotions. Being with a person who cannot attune with you, see you for who you are, care about your feelings, or value you for your individuality is very painful.It is important to numb your emotions by dissociation, or some other means of anesthesia. It is too hard to feel the emotions engendered by your unmet relationship needs, so being adept at emotional numbness is a recommended goal for a person who wishes to remain close to a narcissist.

11. Be a ready and willing scapegoat to his anger. Narcissists are always angry – their anger is either expressed covertly or overtly. Be open to taking all the blame for everything he is angry about.And even if he’s angry for another reason, be willing to try to fix it for him and make things better.Be aware that a key characteristic of a narcissist is that he is chronically angry. Learn to adjust yourself to this reality.

12. Become comfortable with loneliness. Being in a relationship with a narcissist is a very lonely experience. The more you learn to live with emotional deprivation, the better you will fare in your relationship.

I must warn you, that if you decide to become emotionally healthy, set boundaries, speak up for yourself, and do not follow the above suggestions, your relationship with your narcissist may not be sustainable.

Because narcissists need narcissistic supply like you need love, if you do not remain a good supply source (as these tips are designed to ensure) then you may lose this relationship altogether.”

-Unknown author: borrowed from a friend.

From another “voluntary “ mental patient

When I was an involuntary patient, my mother was made to be my substitute decision maker (SDM) since I would not willingly submit to treatment of a non existent disease. I was heavily drugged and could not advocate for myself and was barely able to communicate with her during this time. While on the drugs, I had experiences of modified perceptions and had trouble to focus on the basic task of speaking to others, or fighting for my own rights. During this time my mother would be brought to an interview with a psychiatrist, with or without me present, and brain washed into the benefits on psych drugs, which she attempted to advocate should be administered in lower doses or removed from my drugging routine due to her witnessing the effects on me. I will never accept that she fully fought for my rights, because although she states she couldnt remove me from the ward (which I equate to a prison) due to a Form, she didnt advocate nearly enough to have me removed, and her consulting on my dosages translated to me as active participation in my drug induced abuse. But here are some of the lies i overheard the “doctor” say to try to convince my mother forced drugging (being injected against my wishes) was a beneficial act -as opposed to how I see it: an outright violation of my health and freedoms

  1. “Psychosis causes brain cells to pop, her brain is damaging itself when she goes into psychosis.”

My perpsective: I dont have psychosis, I have a justified outbursts due to anger of not being heard or understood in a given circumstance. I am fully reasonable and able to be reasoned with in this time. The psychiatrist doesnt know a thing about me to deduce that I do in fact have psychotic episodes, since I barely spoke to him, and he does not know anything about me. Additionally I’m sure the more severe damage is caused by psych drugs not by any potentially psychotic episode that someone may or may not experience.

  1. She has a brain that has biochemical imbalances, we need to regulate it.

It’s a well proven MYTH that chemical imbalances correlate with mental illness or that they exist. No one in the ward measured any form of imbalances, so how can they even scientifically prove I have imbalances if they never ran any tests.

  1. She will relapse if she goes off the drugs.

Relapse into what- being my normal, reasonable self?

  1. She will be a lifelong pateint and suffer from bipolar her entire life.

I dont identify as bipolar, and I will fight to never be in a ward again. Mental illness is a myth, a matter of perspective. Once you get to know people, the illusion that they are disordered or ill mentally fades away.

Truth Teller Sherrie Campbell PhD

As our relationships with our toxic family deepens so does their ability to abuse us. When we are in highly dysfunctional families and manipulation and coercion substitute for love, we have no other experience to draw from when it comes to knowing what love is. When we believe that those who love us also abuse us, we are not set up for success in love.

A toxic family has to abuse and keep all members dependent. This is the only way to keep the system too confusing to leave. Further, no one can leave. Any family member who escapes exposes the toxic secrets inside the family system.

It can feel impossible to get out from under a family like this, but it is possible. It takes trusting the truth of your reality. Once you trust yourself you are on your way to getting to the point where enough is enough and you activate on that truth to set yourself free.

Masculine-Feminine YinYang Brain

The left side is your feminine, intuitive side and how you connect with your inner world. The right side is your masculine side and how you interact with the outer world. Please don’t overthink or analyze this. We’re doing so much cleansing and clearing. I suggest you release emotion the best you can, be in the moment, ask Spirit for help (which can come in the form of someone offering suggestions or you coming across a solution out of the blue) and follow your intuition as to what to do, knowing you’re protected and safe. This is what I do. 💜

Trauma & Mind Control

Exactly my perception ; our

sons witnessed abuse and

trauma , and that was a bond

which was used in targeting

me .

I plan to discuss my thoughts

privately to them and I don’t

expect positive reactions

but the monster in the

closet wishes to transform

and liberate the “madness”

Peace – Love – Happiness

Dona Luna

youtube.com/watch