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Tag: relationships
Bullied Children
Bullied children grow up robbed of the benefits of what I like to call their “natural inheritance” — all the positive traits and qualities they possess, are born with and/or work hard to obtain and build. Abusers and bullies (whether they be narcissistic parents or even childhood peers with burgeoning narcissistic and/or antisocial traits) often subject these innocent children to their malignant and envious bullying. They teach their victims to see themselves through the distorted lens and projections of their abusers — they are fed lies about themselves that more accurately reflect the traits of the bullies who know these victims surpass them. Until the victim gets accurate feedback outside of the abusive environment, they often do not realize how intelligent, talented, beautiful, and valuable they are. They are still seeing themselves and treating themselves the way their abusers trained them to do so. They don’t get direct access to benefiting from these traits until they see themselves accurately (i.e. an intelligent child continually called “stupid” by their bullies will usually hide their abilities to avoid being mocked, and due to low self-confidence created by the bullying). That’s why deprogramming these messages are so vital in adulthood — and figuratively/mentally handing back malignant projections to their bullies where they belong. These bullies were describing themselves all along and got to put themselves on a pedestal by targeting a scapegoat that represented everything they did not possess. You deserve the rights to your natural inheritance and to see yourself accurately. 💝
#narcissisticabuse #childhoodbullying #complextrauma #ptsd #cptsd

Dads Matter
To all you psychotic alienating moms out there who make YOUR kids
“Your World”
And who use YOUR
“Mini Me’s”
as a wallet, cause your
“Just a single mom doing her best”
You are psychologically enmeshed with YOUR children. YOUR kids will never understand how to create healthy boundaries and will suffer in every aspect of their lives because of the psychopathy YOU taught them.
WE ARE COMING FOR YOU.
To all you Dads. DON’T GIVE UP.
I was an alienated child. There are millions of us. We don’t appreciate being robbed of the other half of who we are. We need you. Don’t leave us behind. I didn’t have the words to tell my dad. I didn’t know that going with moms flow for my own sanity, was harming me more.
I didn’t know.
I was just a kid.
I didn’t know how much of me was him.
I didn’t know, when I told him I didn’t want to go, that I was ripping his heart from his chest and sealing his fate.
I didn’t know.
But, now I’m grown and I know better.
It’s just too bad it’s too late.
We’ve lost in court too many times to count. We’re broke and heartbroken.
He is defeated.
I am not.
I got my dad on my shoulder and a lifetime of memories without him to motivate me. All I have right now are these flyer’s.
I plastered the kids street, so
THEY KNOW
HCBM’s family is next, cause they are coconspirators and enable more generational trauma. When school and little league start, the flyers will be there too. I will create awareness where I can, because if it’s not happening to you, you just
don’t know.

Reality of Adult Children adapted to distortion
Have any of you had an adult or nearly adult, child make you feel like you’re still living with their parent? My oldest decided at 14, he wanted to live with his dad. At 19 now, with the help of his therapist, has seen through the bs and asked me to move in here. Of course, we opened our home for him, got him a job, have bent over backwards to ensure this feels like home to him. I love him being here, for the most part. He often comes to me when I’m just settling into bed, wanting to start an argument though. Because I stayed as long as I did. Because at 14, despite the lawyer and judge telling me I had no leg to stand on, I didn’t fight for him. There’s so much anger directed at me vs his dad and I feel like I’ve stepped back into that relationship again. ESPECIALLY with it all starting when I’m relaxed and ready to go to sleep. All of a sudden, he needs to talk and I’m the worst mom ever and if I try to tell him we can discuss tomorrow, he’s following me everywhere telling me that we need to talk now. I’m having such a hard time feeling the way I feel about my own child. I love him so much, but honestly, after being free from everything for 5 years now, I can not step back into it. I dont know how to get this across though without sounding like I am not willing to discuss it. I told him the other day, we can discuss all of this, im fully open to being candid and honest with you (we’ve had many, many, deep conversations regarding all of this) but that I could not be his punching bag. That I could not he kept up all night because he was itching for a fight with someone. 95% of the time, it absolutely breaks his heart if he sees me upset over something. He goes out of his way to help me, but that 5% its like he is enjoying the hell out of upsetting me. Pushing and pushing and saying absolutely horrible things and it’s like once he has me weak, vulnerable and crying, he’s ready for bed. Not until that point though. I’m really not sure how to handle this or where to even start?
Kyron : Message from Jesus
Childress on Child Abuse
In the absence of child abuse, parents have the right to parent according to their cultural values, their personal values, and their religious values.
In the absence of child abuse, each parent should have as much time and involvement with their child as possible.
In the absence of child abuse, to restrict either parent’s time and involvement with their child would damage the child’s attachment bond to that parent, thereby harming the child and harming the parent.
Is there child abuse? Let’s get a proper risk assessment for possible child abuse.
Either,
1) child abuse by the targeted parent accounting for the child’s attachment pathology toward that parent,
Or.
2) child psychological abuse by the allied parent, i.e., a shared persecutory delusion created by the collapse of a narcissistic-borderline personality parent surrounding divorce.
One way or the other, we’re looking at a likely child abuse diagnosis. We need a proper risk assessment for possible child abuse.
From Walters & Friedlander: “In some RRD families [resist-refuse dynamic], a parent’s underlying encapsulated delusion about the other parent is at the root of the intractability (cf. Johnston & Campbell, 1988, p. 53ff; Childress, 2013). An encapsulated delusion is a fixed, circumscribed belief that persists over time and is not altered by evidence of the inaccuracy of the belief.” (Walters & Friedlander, 2016, p. 426)
From Walters & Friedlander: “When alienation is the predominant factor in the RRD [resist-refuse dynamic}, the theme of the favored parent’s fixed delusion often is that the rejected parent is sexually, physically, and/or emotionally abusing the child. The child may come to share the parent’s encapsulated delusion and to regard the beliefs as his/her own (cf. Childress, 2013).” (Walters & Friedlander, 2016, p. 426)
Walters, M. G., & Friedlander, S. (2016). When a child rejects a parent: Working with the intractable resist/refuse dynamic. Family Court Review, 54(3), 424–445.
What is the diagnosis? Is there a shared persecutory delusion? We need an answer to that question.
If the mental health person cannot answer that question – is there a shared persecutory delusion? – then they are pointless to the situation because we need an answer to that question.
IT… IS… SIMPLE. Is there a shared persecutory delusion? Yes? No?
How do they know if they don’t even look to see? Do the child’s symptoms meet diagnostic criteria for a persecutory delusion? How about we use Item 11 on the Brief Psychiatric Rating Scale for Unusual Thought Content (delusions), “one of the oldest, most widely used scales to measure psychotic symptoms,” to rate the delusional quality of the belief.
Or you can write the answer on a napkin. Tell us by smoke signals for all I care… we just need an answer, is there a shared persecutory delusion – a fixed and false belief in supposed “victimization”?
The treatment for cancer is different than the treatment for diabetes. Diagnosis guides treatment. If we treat cancer with insulin then the patient dies from the misdiagnosed cancer.
What is the diagnosis?
“I don’t diagnose, I don’t like to pathologize” Then you’re a pretty worthless person to the situation because we need a diagnosis.
Is there child abuse? V995.51 Child Psychological Abuse? Why are we not routinely getting an answer to that question for court-involved family conflict?
They deserve to lose their license. Look at all they’re putting you through because they won’t diagnose Child Psychological Abuse (V995.51) when it’s warranted. They have duty to protect obligations, and they are not protecting your child.
Knowledge is power. Planning is power. The pathogen is now-reactive. Plan ahead, move step-by-step on a linear path to the goal. You want a written treatment plan to fix things please.
Google mental health treatment plans and read the first two returns – one of those please.
Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857
Our Daughters
Our daughters need us not to be perfect.
They need us to be messy, raw, and real,
admitting our mistakes and apologizing for them,
pink in the cheeks with embarrassment, and feeling our feelings with tears in the corners of our eyes.
They need to hear us discussing our struggles with them. They weren’t there to witness them all, so they may think we never had any.
But let’s tell them what we overcame, so no shame exists between us, and they’ll feel comfortable revealing their authentic selves, too.
We want our daughters to view mistakes as an opportunity to learn and grow, not a failure.
Because gosh, we should be tired of hearing about girls uncomfortable in their skin, poking, prodding, and tugging at their stomachs when they don’t live up to their own expectations, looking in the mirror and feeling not enough.
So no, we shouldn’t want girls who smile pretty, don’t take risks, and keep themselves small stuck in a perfectionist mind.
We should want our girls strong, resilient, and BRAVE.
Girls who go after challenges just like our boys who are always encouraged to play rough, climb high, and reach for the stars.
So our daughters need us not to be perfect,
so, they, too, can reach for the stars for themselves, and each and every woman after them to become the brave and imperfect humans, they were meant to become.
– Danielle Sherman-Lazar

Highly Karmic Day : Astrology Update
Hug the Mother
Hold the mother, not the baby.
Because the baby’s being taken care of—
fed, snuggled, and given all the love in the world—
by not only the mother,
but her partner, grandparents, siblings, cousins, and friends.
But the mother,
may have gaps in her mind from lack of sleep,
may be mechanical in her motions as she’s healing,
may feel more like a mess than a mother,
may be sitting in bed, crying, feeling overwhelmed in her body and life,
may be full of mom guilt because in her mind, “she’s not good enough,”
and she’s bleeding, wincing in pain, swollen and emotional.
And the mother’s that baby’s whole world and needs to be seen, so she doesn’t disappear into that postpartum fog.
So, hold the mother, not the baby.
A mother agrees that her baby matters more.
But she’s hurting, while she’s the person behind the baby,
in the background, making it all happen:
feeding her baby at all hours,
snuggling her baby close to comfort newborn cries,
and being that baby’s everything.
So, it’s the mother who needs your love.
And a mother will remember who held her up.
So instead of “I’m coming to see the baby,”
try saying, “I’m coming to see you 𝘢𝘯𝘥 meet the baby, too.”
Because the mother needs to be held more.
📸: This Mama Doodles
……………………………………………..
My Children’s Book 𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘖𝘬𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘖𝘬𝘢𝘺: 𝘈𝘥𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘴 𝘎𝘦𝘵 𝘉𝘪𝘨 𝘍𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘛𝘰𝘰 is out everywhere: https://amzn.to/317TvVc

Trauma via being Witness to Events
PTSD can occur not just from directly experiencing a severe traumatic event but also witnessing it happen to others, including close friends, family and loved ones as well as being chronically exposed to the details of the trauma of others in work-related settings.
#narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #shahidaarabi

