Tag: parents

The other side

“Don’t stand there crying in front of my grave,

I’m not there, I’m not sleeping…

I am the wind blowing in the trees

im the diamond sparkle in the snow

I am sunshine on the ripe grain

I am the gentle autumn rain…

When you wake up in the morning still, I am the flight of these silent birds

Who spin in the sky…

So don’t stand there in front of my grave lamenting

I’m not there, I’m not dead!

Why would I be out of your life simply

Cuz am out of your sight?

Death you know this ain’t nothing at all

I just went to the other side.

Im me and you are you

Whatever we were to each other before,

We will always remain so.

Use the first name to speak about me

With which you always called me.

Speak about me just like you always did.

Don’t change your tone, don’t look all serious and sad.

Laugh like before at jokes that together we enjoy so much.

Play, smile, think of me, live for me and with me.

Let my first name be the comforting song it’s always been.

Pronounce it simply and naturally,

Without a trace of regret

Life means everything it’s always meant.

Everything is still the same, she continues, the cord is not broken.

What is death if not a passage?

Relativize and let go of all the aggressions of life,

Always think and talk about me around you and you’ll see,

Everything will be alright.

You know, I hear you, I’m not far, I’m there, just on the other side. ”

Mary Elizabeth Fryer

Stella Davis – 1937

I had no idea of the content of this movie before watching it and it was so sad , I cried .

It concerns the mother – daughter relationship in which the Mom gave in to releasing her daughter to her Dad who remarried and was very secure and supportive of daughter .

The last scene is the daughter’s wedding and it moved me to tears .

I was not allowed to attend a wedding of any of the 3 sons I shared with the partner / husband whose win was vital .

I’m sure as I heard later in another family function , ex MIL was asked if it was ok if I attended an after party . The event was the Christening of granddaughter . I wasn’t allowed to attend her birthday party the day before , buying her Christening dress and a pearl bracelet was allowed . Taking chocolates to the Priest who remarked he preferred wine .

Exactly why I brought chocolates 😎

The then partner of the ex refused to attend if I were allowed .

Her Mom died ,and she had to travel out of town.

The paternal grandfather had his wallet stolen in the parking lot of the cathedral! He was not ever nice to be around , and even less so for his loss of money etc.

The ex MIL sat beside me and he on her right ; and as we sang a song of welcome, I looked her straight in the eyes allowing her to make the gesture . It was a ” draw” but she was aware of my intention as I quickly sat down .

I noted these things 2013 Neither brother nor their family attended the Christening because I was there .

I honked the horn , and maybe called for son to come out and get gifts , which he did.

I did not give up , nor am I giving up now , I’m ending the cycle of such distortion as to test the soul . I am ending being a target by a vicious , retaliatory, distorted ex partner who wishes me dead and would do anything to do me harm .

www.amazon.com/Stella-Dallas-King-Vidor/dp/B001NSNGXG/ref=nodl_

Aging without children or grandchildren

It’s increasingly common for older adults to age without children or grandchildren. Here are tips to stay engaged and prepare for aging independently.

www.ajc.com/life/aging-in-atlanta/why-more-older-adults-dont-have-children/CGNE7XKFQZFYRDI5JJEEPJ24V4/

Grief

Imagine a reduced capacity to grasp what’s reality and what’s not , medicated by psychiatry into this state and your partner splits and 2 weeks later eldest child and knowing the preparation was being made to strip you of everything you held dear so he can begin a happy life

Not one Drs appointment did he attend. He did make a few phone calls to Dr

Mom nearing her death ( April; he split Dec 27) and spewed his tale of victim hood . He was too busy being happy to have quality time with children so he continued to throw money at em

When you lose someone…

all of a sudden you have no choice but to live in a world you don’t recognize.

It feels dark even when it’s daylight.

Lonely even when you are surrounded by people.

Only existing. Unsure of your identity now.

You can see life going on right in front of you.

You even try to reach out and touch that world. But you aren’t able to. Yet.

People out there are just living their mundane lives and seem to not have a care in the world. You sometimes try to live in that world too. This involves fake smiles and pretend interest in small talk. It’s exhausting. So you choose to isolate instead.

It would be nice to switch places with them. And not have your loss constantly replaying in your mind. All those anxious thoughts ruminating.

It’s a rude awakening when everyone just keeps moving. Laughing. Making plans. While you are suspended in time.

Just going through the motions. With a pain so deep that you can’t even exactly pinpoint where it is coming from.

Invisible to others. But it’s there. And it always hurts.

People will say “they are always with you”.

But where? It feels so long since you have heard their voice. You almost feel like you have been abandoned to roam this unrecognizable world alone. And on the other end, feel guilty for trying to move forward without them.

Loss is this way. A big ball of tangled up feelings. And it takes as long as it takes to move through these confusing emotions. It takes patience. Lots of self care and being kind to yourself.

Because grief is lonely journey when you are the only one who truly understands how this particular loss feels.

The After Glow

Wounded Child -Ancestors

Our wounded child is not only us; he or she may represent several generations of ancestors.

Our parents and ancestors may have suffered all their lives without knowing how to look after the wounded child in themselves, so they transmitted that child to us.

So when we’re embracing the wounded child inside us, we’re embracing all the wounded children of past generations.

This practice doesn’t just benefit us; it liberates numberless generations of ancestors and descendants. This practice can break the cycle.

-Thich Nhat Hanh The Art of Communicating

We all have generational shadows. These shadows are handed down like waves of deep conscious pain travelling through the human condition like a virus.

When I find myself experiencing the crashing wave of generational shadow, I find strength in knowing I am doing the work for all of my ancestors, all of my descendants, along with myself. And yes, the rest of the world as well. We are all just walking each other home.

Having to explain why you can’t have sex : new born & Mom

A man out of balance in a distortion that is primal and it sure does demean the person who dare .

Sadly I had the experience of force , 6 days after giving birth and it was I believe primal ; marking of property and jealously of his own child .

youtube.com/shorts/gjGwePqSeNc