Grief

Imagine a reduced capacity to grasp what’s reality and what’s not , medicated by psychiatry into this state and your partner splits and 2 weeks later eldest child and knowing the preparation was being made to strip you of everything you held dear so he can begin a happy life

Not one Drs appointment did he attend. He did make a few phone calls to Dr

Mom nearing her death ( April; he split Dec 27) and spewed his tale of victim hood . He was too busy being happy to have quality time with children so he continued to throw money at em

When you lose someone…

all of a sudden you have no choice but to live in a world you don’t recognize.

It feels dark even when it’s daylight.

Lonely even when you are surrounded by people.

Only existing. Unsure of your identity now.

You can see life going on right in front of you.

You even try to reach out and touch that world. But you aren’t able to. Yet.

People out there are just living their mundane lives and seem to not have a care in the world. You sometimes try to live in that world too. This involves fake smiles and pretend interest in small talk. It’s exhausting. So you choose to isolate instead.

It would be nice to switch places with them. And not have your loss constantly replaying in your mind. All those anxious thoughts ruminating.

It’s a rude awakening when everyone just keeps moving. Laughing. Making plans. While you are suspended in time.

Just going through the motions. With a pain so deep that you can’t even exactly pinpoint where it is coming from.

Invisible to others. But it’s there. And it always hurts.

People will say “they are always with you”.

But where? It feels so long since you have heard their voice. You almost feel like you have been abandoned to roam this unrecognizable world alone. And on the other end, feel guilty for trying to move forward without them.

Loss is this way. A big ball of tangled up feelings. And it takes as long as it takes to move through these confusing emotions. It takes patience. Lots of self care and being kind to yourself.

Because grief is lonely journey when you are the only one who truly understands how this particular loss feels.

The After Glow

Author: GreatCosmicMothersUnited

I have joined with many parents affected with the surreal , yet accepted issue of child abuse via Pathogenic Parenting / Domestic abuse. As a survivor of Domestic Abuse, denial abounded that 3 sons were not affected. In my desire to be family to those who have found me lacking . As a survivor of psychiatric abuse, therapist who abused also and toxic prescribed medications took me to hell on earth with few moments of heaven. I will share my life, my experiences and my studies and research.. I will talk to small circles and I will council ; as targeted parents , grandparents , aunts , uncles etc. , are denied contact with a child for reasons that serve the abuser ...further abusing the child. I grasp the trauma and I have looked at the lost connection to a higher power.. I grasp when one is accustomed to privilege, equality can feel like discrimination.. Shame and affluence silences a lot of facts , truths that have been labeled "negative". It is about liberation of the soul from projections of a alienator , and abuser .. View all posts by GreatCosmicMothersUnited