Partentification

Parentification is where a child is forced or expected, to act as a parental stand-in from a young age.

Parentification is generally classified as parent-focused or sibling-focused and then either as instrumental or emotional. Parent-focused means you were primarily taking care of your parent. Sibling-focused means you were taking care of a sibling or siblings.

Instrumental revolves around practical responsibilities.

– Physically meeting the needs of your siblings or parent by feeding them, helping them get dressed, or bathing them.

– Being in charge of cleaning, cooking, or grocery shopping.

– Paying bills, budgeting, or being in charge of the family finances.

Emotional revolves around being forced to be an emotional support system.

– Listening to your parent talk to you about adult problems.

– Giving advice or comforting your parent over age-inappropriate problems.

– Mediating between your parents or family members.

– Being the one to make your siblings feel loved, safe, and protected.

#parentification

Line Em Up – James Taylor

Of course I’m a huge fan , my Dad and 2nd son are named James , which translates to supple-mentor.

A deceased soul mate was also named James and died of extreme complications from years of IV drug use .

The detached upbringing and loss of both parents ; created this grieving soul who captured my heart in a bond that I could not escape . Addiction to this addict did not resonate and I married for several weeks to break the tie that bound me . I had experimented to better understand and it did not please me and it was easy to abstain except for “pot”.

In marriage it was the same , an occasional Valium , or smoke.

Sleep was threatened from the get go , with intense snoring and I don’t do well with lack of sleep . My nature then was high strung and active but I became weak and moody but did not understand why .

The reasons have lined themselves up , as it were . Our family was destroyed for reasons of addiction , control and ego .

The eyes have become more beady . And darker . As have some of our leaders , exposing a consciousness lack that is staggering .

After hearing Romney state that morality had nothing to do with politics , yesterday I heard the GOP rep talk about morality in the GOP.

That’s a good thing because I know Republicans that are moral and the greedy eyes are lining up . I don’t need to name names but look at the eyes ! Note who peers over their glasses in a passive aggressive profession / authority , manner ?

We each are part of a whole and as the harvest comes in we do harvest the truths that are clearing the way to new earth and less greedy little eyes !

youtube.com/watch

Child may present as Autistic in Narcissist home

A few years into becoming a consultant for narcissistic abuse recovery, I began to notice a high correlation between parents who had an autistic (ASD) child, and who also had a narcissistic partner in the home.

In some cases, emotional abuse and neglect can present as ASD, but recent research also points to some children being highly sensitive who cannot process their emotions in a toxic household.

In the movie, Sensitive – The Untold Story, featuring Alanis Morissette and HSP expert, Dr. Elaine Aron, cover this topic in detail. It’s definitely worth getting a second opinion if your child has been diagnosed with ASD…as well as exploring options for getting your child(ren) out of toxic environments.

#highlysensitiveperson #hsp #empath #highlysensitive #highlysensitivepeople #infj #sensitive #introvert #introvertproblems #mentalhealth

The thing about her

“That’s the thing about her.

She was sensitive, loving, kindhearted, and soft.

She felt what you felt.

She felt your happiness, worry, stress, and pain.

Yet she was strong willed and she took no crap.

She voiced her opinion and thoughts, and she stood up for those she cared about.

She wasn’t always that way.

She was made into that at a young age.

Trauma shaped her.

Maybe that was a good thing.

Maybe she had to go through all that to become the person she is today.

A mix of both heaven and hell. Softness and strength.

Chaos and wild.

Fragility, and steadiness.

Follows the rules, yet goes against the crowd.

She could break glass ceilings with eloquent precision.”~

~Michele, Simple Elegance

Cycle Breaking

Cycle-Breaking

We come into our lives with things we want to learn and things we still need to heal from past lifetimes. We also come into families where sometimes unhealthy patterns run rampant. It has been proven in studies that trauma responses as well as inclinations towards addictions can and are passed down through DNA. They have also shown how healing ourselves helps to heal and change our own dna as well as that of those closest to us. This is called epigenetics.
Although we each come with our own life paths and missions, we can choose to heal or discontinue unhealthy patterns at any time.
Some are born cycle-breakers who have never fit in with their families. Others come to this as we age and realize that we do not truly feel happy and we begin to examine why.

  1. Once we identify a pattern that we’d like to discontinue, we must acknowledge how we have been affected by it already. There are many different issues and thought-patterns that we may have brought forward from past lives that our families have solidified for us. Even things such as over-concern with material wealth, physical beauty in the extreme, narcissism, an innate distrust of women, men, authority, certain places or the holding of family secrets can come down the line. How have we been affected by those things? How does it color our thoughts? What stories have we created around it? Are we ready to break the cycle?
  2. When we feel fully committed to ending the cycle, we can engage help. Therapists, energy practitioners, doctors, support groups are all available to help us unearth as much information as we can and help us build our confidence in ourselves and moving towards Truth. Combing through our beliefs, day-to-day thoughts, and the WHY behind our distrust and our fear will help us understand our parts as well as what behaviors were learned or given to us through dna. Maybe some behaviors or beliefs were coping mechanisms. It’s time to examine our decisions and maybe make some new choices.
  3. This is where we take serious action. We could tell the truth to end the secret keeping. Maybe we need to break ties with unhealthy or abusive people. We could stop using alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, and/or food as a way of coping. We could probably benefit from better boundaries and acknowledging the ego games we are engaged in and WHY. This is meaningful, profound work. Expect tears. And a feeling of intense freedom.
  4. Our behaviors will change as our thoughts and beliefs change.
    Others will notice. They may choose to grow with us, or they may hold tighter to the things we are letting go of. It is up to us if we choose to stay in relationships with anyone, ever. Growing and ending cycles can feel lonely. As we let others go, we make room for healthier relationships in our lives.
  5. Animosity does not need to be a part of any of this. We are working on ourselves to end the cycles that we have been in. Boundaries can feel hard at first, until we see how much better we feel when we make better choices for ourselves.
  6. The thing about cycle-breaking is that it in itself is a cycle. We are on a spiral upwards and we can, if we choose, continue to notice what is unhealthy and move towards healing at all times.

Here’s to FEELING, DEALING AND HEALING in every possible way. The crap can stop with us, and our well-being and work towards it can change the color of our skies, not only for us, but for those whose lives we affect as well. ❤
-Nicki

New Term : Ethical Distraction

This is extremely enlightening !

We have work before us , and it’s wayyyyy past time !

Blessings & Peace

Dona Luna

citizensforparentalrights.com/federal-money-and-cps/

Child Psychological Abuse NOT Parental Alienation- Childress

Stop using “parental alienation” in a professional capacity, it will only lead you to your destruction. Use Child Psychological Abuse instead.

“I am concerned the other parent is psychologically abusing our child. I am concerned that the other parent has formed a shared persecutory delusion with my child targeting me, that is destroying my child’s attachment bond to me… as described in these quotes from Walters & Friedlander.

From Walters & Friedlander: “In some RRD families [resist-refuse dynamic], a parent’s underlying encapsulated delusion about the other parent is at the root of the intractability (cf. Johnston & Campbell, 1988, p. 53ff; Childress, 2013). An encapsulated delusion is a fixed, circumscribed belief that persists over time and is not altered by evidence of the inaccuracy of the belief.” (Walters & Friedlander, 2016, p. 426)

From Walters & Friedlander: “When alienation is the predominant factor in the RRD [resist-refuse dynamic}, the theme of the favored parent’s fixed delusion often is that the rejected parent is sexually, physically, and/or emotionally abusing the child. The child may come to share the parent’s encapsulated delusion and to regard the beliefs as his/her own (cf. Childress, 2013).” (Walters & Friedlander, 2016, p. 426)

Walters, M. G., & Friedlander, S. (2016). When a child rejects a parent: Working with the intractable resist/refuse dynamic. Family Court Review, 54(3), 424–445. 

“I’d like a risk assessment for possible Child Psychological Abuse surrounding a possible shared persecutory delusion of the other parent with the child.”

Craig Childress, Psy.D.

Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857

No Value : Childress

You are of no value.

Mothers are of no value. Fathers are of no value. This is a pathology of lies.

The central theme is a select person is of no value. Which person is selected, whether it is the mother or father in the family, depends on the circumstances of the pathology. It is always the other person in a partnership who is of no value

I am your everything. They are of no value. This is a pathology of lies. This is a pathology of projection.

Mothers are of value. Fathers are of value. Human beings are of value. No one is of “no value” – that is a perverse belief. Who holds that belief that another human being is of no value?

Anyone who holds the belief that another person is of no value is pathological and pathogenic. Everyone is of value just for being. Mothers are valuable to their children, they are irreplaceable and unique. Fathers are of value to their children, they are irreplaceable and unique.

Who taught this child that people are of no value? Who taught this child that their mother is of no value? Who taught this child that their father is of no value? Who taught this child that people are of no value? That is perverse instruction in values.

This is a pathology of lies. Where is the origin for this lie? Who is of “no value” – no one who is here. Who then?

Them. The one who holds the pathology and is expressing it, the pathological parent is the holder of the “no value” theme – they believe they are of no value – to the core of their being. That is the pathogen in their attachment networks… the damage from the failure of parental empathy… they are of no value.

Zero. None.

They collapse into an abyss at their core, they must avoid their core at all costs. They need constant emotional supply to their fragile narcissism to avoid the gravitational pull of the black hole at their core, they are on the edge of collapse into the dark abyss of the truth, that they are of no value.

They are the source of the lie. They spread the lie about others, that they are of no value, to give themselves value.. they are more than nothing, almost… as long as no one uncovers their secret. Their secret that they are of no value. They are fundamentally unlovable just because of who they are.

This is a pathology of lies. No human is of no value. All mothers are valuable. All fathers are valuable. Because of love.

They are empty and malevolent people. There is no love in them. They are damaged and broken inside. They are Dark personalities of cruelty. They need love.

The child loves them. The child’s love gives them value. They are of value because the child loves them, they are of value to us because we love the child. They are of value because of the child.

That’s mom. That’s dad. All mothers have value. All fathers have value. This is a pathology of lies. Everyone has value simply by the nature of their humanity. No one is without value.

No one is without value.

Who holds that belief? Where is the perversion among us? Who believes people are of no value, anyone? Who spreads that lie into us? Who teaches that lie to the child?

There are mental health people who believe that perversion of humanity, that someone is of no value. They believe that mothers and fathers are of no value because of this-and-that reason for justification.

They are wrong… immensely wrong… they are perverse in their beliefs. Everyone is of value, no one is of no value. These mental health people are the pathology, and they are pathogenic. Everyone – everyone – is of value.

Even the allied parent. We never reject family… not even them. Because they are of value simply because… and more… because they are loved… by the child… and by us because we love the child and the child loves that parent.

The child will not abandon that parent to the abyss. To rescue the child we must understand the child’s love. We must rescue everyone, because everyone is of value.

The child is of value… immense value. The child loves two humans, one is mom, a unique human being, one is dad, a unique human being. Both mom and dad are of immense value to the child.

To understand the child’s value is to understand the child’s love. The child only has one unique mother, who is of immense value to the child. The child only has one unique father, who is immense value to the child. Simply because they are mom and dad. Simply because the child’s love gives them immense value to the child.

Who says mothers are of no value to the child? Who says fathers are of no value to the child? This is a perverse belief of cruelty and a lie. This is a pathology of lies.

The premise, the ground of truth we stand on, is that everyone has value. Especially mothers. Especially fathers.

Who says mothers are of no value? Who says fathers are of no value? Who spreads that perversion? Who spreads that lie? Who teaches the child that people are of no value?

That is a perverse teaching, That is a perverse value. That is a lie.

This is a trauma pathology, a rippling of unresolved trauma across generations. It ripples in the patterns that formed it, the rock of the abuse that created the splash of the trauma, that now ripples out across time.

The patterned theme is that someone is of “no value” – who is of no value in the trauma-across-time? The child – the abused child is of no value. The failure of parental empathy is the abuse, and the abuse is the failure of parental empathy… the child is of no value.

Zero. Nothing.

This is a pathology of lies. It is born in lies, it continues in lies. The child – now turned in a fragile mind to be the “bad parent” – is of no value.

You can go away now. The child loves me and not you. You are of no value, I am the everything of love for the child. The child loves me and not you. Because I need the child’s love to be of value. If the child loves you, they won’t love me… because I am of no value.

This is a pathology of lies.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857