Stella Davis – 1937

I had no idea of the content of this movie before watching it and it was so sad , I cried .

It concerns the mother – daughter relationship in which the Mom gave in to releasing her daughter to her Dad who remarried and was very secure and supportive of daughter .

The last scene is the daughter’s wedding and it moved me to tears .

I was not allowed to attend a wedding of any of the 3 sons I shared with the partner / husband whose win was vital .

I’m sure as I heard later in another family function , ex MIL was asked if it was ok if I attended an after party . The event was the Christening of granddaughter . I wasn’t allowed to attend her birthday party the day before , buying her Christening dress and a pearl bracelet was allowed . Taking chocolates to the Priest who remarked he preferred wine .

Exactly why I brought chocolates 😎

The then partner of the ex refused to attend if I were allowed .

Her Mom died ,and she had to travel out of town.

The paternal grandfather had his wallet stolen in the parking lot of the cathedral! He was not ever nice to be around , and even less so for his loss of money etc.

The ex MIL sat beside me and he on her right ; and as we sang a song of welcome, I looked her straight in the eyes allowing her to make the gesture . It was a ” draw” but she was aware of my intention as I quickly sat down .

I noted these things 2013 Neither brother nor their family attended the Christening because I was there .

I honked the horn , and maybe called for son to come out and get gifts , which he did.

I did not give up , nor am I giving up now , I’m ending the cycle of such distortion as to test the soul . I am ending being a target by a vicious , retaliatory, distorted ex partner who wishes me dead and would do anything to do me harm .

www.amazon.com/Stella-Dallas-King-Vidor/dp/B001NSNGXG/ref=nodl_

What Blew Up Is Coming Way Down – Housing

This is recalibration ; New Earth shall address this as the patriarchal domination which damn near destroyed us is hanging by a thread

I am posting one on food next and I urge you not to allow fear to consume you .

There is a Divinity within this and I keep the faith that I will soon be in a home 🏡.

I’ll be ok whatever happens and I’m just as sure there will be aftershocks that affect the ” investors ” .

As the targeted female for decades , I’m thrilled with the truths unfolding and refuse to have fear as I knew in the past .

We have the right to be informed and to make our choices .

And to live in peace and harmony that I adore tapping into on my own .

I’d just like to do so in my own space to do and be and create 💯❤️🙏

youtube.com/watch

Aging without children or grandchildren

It’s increasingly common for older adults to age without children or grandchildren. Here are tips to stay engaged and prepare for aging independently.

www.ajc.com/life/aging-in-atlanta/why-more-older-adults-dont-have-children/CGNE7XKFQZFYRDI5JJEEPJ24V4/

A personal account : what has psychiatry done for me ? – Mad in America

What Psychiatry Has Done for Me

Tammy

The stigma and discrimination I have had to endure due to my ‘diagnosis’ crushed my spirit and the dreams I had for my life. But the most devastating part of all is how it altered my relationship with my two sons.

In psychiatry’s wake, society continues to deny people their civil rights based solely upon its perception that ‘they’ need ‘help’. But is psychiatric help the answer? I can think of far more kindhearted and empathetic methods and less stressful ways of helping someone cope with a life crisis or distressing situation than locking them up, forcibly drugging them and stigmatizing them with a scarlet letter for the rest of their lives.

Another accounting of the damage / abuse of psychiatry :

The road to hell, they say, is paved with the best of intentions. As a boy of ten, a psychiatrist diagnosed me with a condition then known as MBD (Minimal Brain Dysfunction) which has, in the years since, become what is now known ADHD, I was put on a daily dose of 350mg of Thorazine and remained on it for roughly seven years. Now the possibility that because I was a child, along with three siblings, who had been abandoned by both of his parents before the age of six, sent to live with a psychologically (and sometimes, physically abusive,) grandfather, placed in an orphanage by the age of eight, and separated from his siblings two years later, would have anything to do with the emotional and mild behavioral issues I presented, did not seem to cross her mind. I was an intelligent (IQ of 145) and sensitive child who had experienced a considerable amount oain and disruption in his young life and was a target for bullies in school which led me to become withdrawn from and subsequently rejected by his peers, which led a psychiatrist consulted by my long term psychologist to suggest that I was borderline psychotic (a diagnosis which my therapist, thankfully, didn’t accept.) None of the psychiatrists and psychologists that dealt with my case had intent to do me harm, but their good intentions resulted in my growing into an adult who would never achieve his full potential and who would spend his entire life in social isolation. I went twenty five years without contact with my siblings after graduating highschool and my relationship with them, save the youngest of my two oldest sisters, is tenuous at best. Now, at the age of sixty, with my life winding down, I look back across the years and despair over what might have been if I had never crossed paths with that first psychiatrist.

www.madinamerica.com/2022/12/what-psychiatry-has-done-for-me/

Grief

Imagine a reduced capacity to grasp what’s reality and what’s not , medicated by psychiatry into this state and your partner splits and 2 weeks later eldest child and knowing the preparation was being made to strip you of everything you held dear so he can begin a happy life

Not one Drs appointment did he attend. He did make a few phone calls to Dr

Mom nearing her death ( April; he split Dec 27) and spewed his tale of victim hood . He was too busy being happy to have quality time with children so he continued to throw money at em

When you lose someone…

all of a sudden you have no choice but to live in a world you don’t recognize.

It feels dark even when it’s daylight.

Lonely even when you are surrounded by people.

Only existing. Unsure of your identity now.

You can see life going on right in front of you.

You even try to reach out and touch that world. But you aren’t able to. Yet.

People out there are just living their mundane lives and seem to not have a care in the world. You sometimes try to live in that world too. This involves fake smiles and pretend interest in small talk. It’s exhausting. So you choose to isolate instead.

It would be nice to switch places with them. And not have your loss constantly replaying in your mind. All those anxious thoughts ruminating.

It’s a rude awakening when everyone just keeps moving. Laughing. Making plans. While you are suspended in time.

Just going through the motions. With a pain so deep that you can’t even exactly pinpoint where it is coming from.

Invisible to others. But it’s there. And it always hurts.

People will say “they are always with you”.

But where? It feels so long since you have heard their voice. You almost feel like you have been abandoned to roam this unrecognizable world alone. And on the other end, feel guilty for trying to move forward without them.

Loss is this way. A big ball of tangled up feelings. And it takes as long as it takes to move through these confusing emotions. It takes patience. Lots of self care and being kind to yourself.

Because grief is lonely journey when you are the only one who truly understands how this particular loss feels.

The After Glow