Tag: family

Charlie McCready-Alienating any threat to their ego, hidden agenda & control

Parental alienation involves psychological abuse, and coercive control. It involves dark dynamics where people, often driven by insecurity, unresolved trauma, narcissism, attachment disorders (and more), resort to manipulation and cruelty to maintain dominance.

In these toxic relationships, some perpetrators perceive their victims as threats to their control, ego, or hidden agendas. This perception becomes the breeding ground for intensified abuse and manipulation. The more control slips through their fingers, the more they tighten their grip, all driven by the irrational fear of losing what they believe is rightfully theirs. Or wishing to punish.

And when victims, often after enduring prolonged suffering, gather the courage to sever ties with their oppressors, the reaction is often volatile. Furious at the prospect of losing their grip on power, the perpetrators retaliate with even greater ferocity. They see the victim’s actions as challenging their supremacy and respond by escalating the abuse, seeking to reassert their control.

This vicious cycle perpetuates the suffering of those ensnared within it. Victims find themselves between the desperate need for liberation and the dread of the backlash they may face when attempting to break free. The emotional scars from these abusive relationships can run deep, and the healing journey can be long. It’s incredibly helpful to surround yourself with people or be in communities where others understand what you’re going through. You can find strength in understanding the pathology and knowing you are not alone. You can reclaim your life. And so can the children.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#mothersmatter

#FathersMatterToo

#FathersMatter

#overcomingtrauma

Charlie McCready – Surviving Child Psychological Abuse

This question to a ‘target’ parent from an alienated child sounds like a desperate plea: “Why don’t you just apologise for everything?” After enduring relentless psychological manipulation, coercive control, and pathogenic parenting, the alienated child is left emotionally drained and yearning for peace. Denial, projection, and submission may become their coping mechanisms as they struggle to navigate the toxic dynamics imposed upon them. The child may become parentified because of the infantile behaviour of their alienating pathogenic parent whose psycho-emotional needs demand obedience, unquestioning loyalty, and sacrifice. The needs and wishes of the parent are prioritised over those of the child, and justifications and excuses on the hero/victim theme will be employed. In the grip of attachment disorders and cognitive dissonance, the child finds it increasingly difficult to resist the demands of the alienating parent.⁠

⁠

This is a relationship that’s based on fear, intimidation, bribery, threats, and control but with enough promise of love and care to keep them stuck and hoping for better. The emotional manipulation involves gaslighting, blameshifting and guilt-tripping. The trauma bond created by this kind of disordered, abusive (often narcissistic) parenting creates an experience for the child akin to that of Stockholm Syndrome, entrapping the child in a cycle of fear, intimidation, and control. Despite the toxicity of the relationship, the entrapment becomes thought of as safer than the alternative (freedom) and it can lead the alienated child to defend and protect their aligned parent even when things don’t really make sense (cognitive dissonance). Their compliance comes about through a longing to fix things and for love and survival (identification with an aggressor).

They become so accustomed to placating the alienating parent that they cannot comprehend why the ‘target’ parent resists. Also, all wrongs have been projected onto the ‘target’ parent. In their quest for survival and a semblance of normalcy, they can become so accustomed to submitting and placating the domination, tantrums, drama and conflict that often surrounds the alienating parent, they think it’s easier for the ‘target’ parent just to capitulate as they do, and apologise for everything, believing this will bring an end to their suffering.

However, I’m sure you know, as an alienated parent, surrendering to manipulation is not the solution. It doesn’t end there. It (typically) just continues. The children should know this too, but it’s hard for them to ‘break free’ from the coercive control and psychological abuse inflicted on them. But we can show them. Maintaining integrity, being non-reactive, creating boundaries, and refusing to apologise for injustices we did not commit, we can show our strength, and show our children the way towards healing and liberation from the trauma bonds.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#traumabonding

#coercivecontrol

#narcissisticparent

Parents

He didn’t enjoy living at his father’s house — mainly because of the constant “nagging.”

“You’re leaving the fan on when you exit the room.”

“The TV’s on in the living room and no one is watching… Turn it off!”

“Close the door properly.”

“Don’t waste so much water.”

He didn’t like how his father bothered him with those “little things.”
He tolerated it… until one day he got a call for a job interview.

“As soon as I get this job, I’ll leave this city. I won’t have to hear my dad complain anymore,” he thought.

As he was leaving, his father gave him some advice:
“Answer every question with confidence. Even if you don’t know the answer, speak with certainty.”
And then… gave him more money than necessary for the interview.

When he arrived at the interview center, he noticed there was no security at the entrance.
The door was wide open—swinging outward and possibly disturbing people passing by.
He closed it gently and stepped inside.

On both sides of the path, he saw beautiful flowers, but the gardener had left the hose running.
Water was spilling everywhere.
He adjusted the hose and placed it where the plants actually needed watering.

There was no receptionist, but a note said:
“Interview upstairs.”
He walked up slowly…

The lights in the staircase were still on, even though it was 10 a.m.—probably since the night before.
He remembered his dad’s voice:
“Why are you leaving the room with the lights on?”
Annoyed, yet thoughtful, he looked for the switch… and turned them off.

Upstairs, in a large hall, many candidates were waiting.
As he stepped in, he noticed the Welcome doormat was upside down.
With a slight sigh, he fixed it.
Old habits die hard…

He saw the front seats were full while the ones in the back were empty.
Several fans were blowing over empty chairs.
Once again, his dad’s voice echoed in his mind:
“Why are the fans on where no one is sitting?”
He turned off the unnecessary fans and sat in the back.

Candidate after candidate entered and left through another door—nobody knew what was being asked.

Finally, it was his turn.
He walked in nervously.
The interviewer took his papers but didn’t even look at them.
He asked:
“When can you start?”

He froze.
“Wait… Is this a trick question? Or… is he really offering me the job?”

The interviewer noticed his hesitation and said:
“Wondering why we’re not asking questions? Because we don’t believe questions reveal a person’s true nature.
We believe in observing people’s actions.”
“We tested everyone through surveillance cameras. Only one person closed the door, fixed the hose, turned off the lights, straightened the doormat, and shut off the fans.”
“That person… was you. That’s why you’re hired.”

In that moment, he realized that everything his father had taught him made sense.
All the discipline he once resented… was what helped him get his first job.
The irritation vanished.
He smiled—grateful—and decided:
“I’m bringing Dad with me. We’ll live together.”

Everything our parents tell us is for our good. They want to shape a brighter future for us.
A rock doesn’t become a sculpture without enduring the sculptor’s chisel.
To become people of value, we must accept guidance, corrections, and love—
Which is exactly what our parents give us.

A mother lifts a child to feed, comfort, and love.
A father lifts the child onto his shoulders…
So they can see the world he never could.

We easily feel a mother’s pain,
But a father’s pain is often invisible—only noticed when others reveal it.

At 5, our father is our teacher
At 20, he might feel like a villain
But for life… he is our guide.

Mothers may grow old and live with their children…
But many fathers don’t know how to ask for that.

Don’t wait until it’s too late to show love.
Care for them while they’re here. Hug them. Appreciate them. Always.

They are our greatest gifts.
Parents are real-life superheroes. Never forget.

Abusive partners know what they are doing

The world will tell you that your partner, who is abusive physically and emotionally, who is unfaithful and inconsistent, is dealing with childhood trauma. Their parents didn’t love them correctly.

Their exes hurt them. They’re dealing with deep issues.

It’s not intentional but unconscious. You should wait for them to be talked to, counselled, and so forth.

You should stick it out for the children. Do not break your marriage.

Your partner knows what they’re doing, and that’s why they usually do it when there are no witnesses.

Their anger is a strategy because they never lose their temper in front of other people. Just behind closed doors.

They abuse you for some very sweet reasons, which were listed by one Chuck Derry in this manner.

Derry runs the Gender Violence Institute, and he gathered this information from holding group discussions with abusive partners.

They said it gives them full control over the relationship and their partner. They get to make all decisions and have their partners do their bidding without asking questions.

If you intimidate him or her, they submit and do what you say.

You get their money, their service, their body, all for free. You don’t have to hang out with them or spend time loving them.

You can just disappear and come home whenever you want. They will be at your service and clean up after you.

If you’re generous and kind to everyone else, they will help you convince him or her that they must be the problem. Nobody sees you that way, and so they must be the ones triggering that side of you.

You can win the children to be on your side and isolate this person from their friends so they don’t confront you or strengthen your partner against you.

You can get them to quit their job or get into huge debts so that they’re all the more at your mercy.

This is a game of power.

You can make him or her too ashamed or tired of asking for help, and they surrender to you.

If you dangle the hope of a good future, you can get them making excuses for you and covering your history of violence.

In short, abuse is the ultimate massage to a bloated ego and a weak person.

It gives them a human robot, a live-in nurse and cook, a submissive servant, a punching bag and outlet for all their rage, a dumping site for all their frustrations.

And what do abusers fear most? What could make them stop? These three things they dread, and for them, they’ll change immediately or run away: getting exposed or arrested, breakup or divorce, and their children learning the truth, thereby alienating them.

Your solution is two-fold. Stop thinking your abuser is a victim. They’re strategic with everything, including the drinking, the explosive rage, the late nights, the silent treatments, the affairs.

Everything is strategic. Stop getting emotional with someone who is playing games with your life.

Secondly, leave and talk.

Break away and refuse any reconciliation meetings with relatives and friends.

Your partner’s worst fear is you leaving and telling the world the truth. So they’ll bribe, lobby, mobilize, and do anything to get people pressuring you to stay and be silent.

They’ll start fake therapy, get prayed over, and even plan a wedding.

All these are gimmicks. And even if they stopped the violent abuse, they can never rise to treasuring you. The best you can get is a peaceful but loveless existence. What’s the point? You can get that and better by yourself.

As for the marriage, they broke it themselves with their abuse and mistreatment. You didn’t.

About the children, they will ultimately benefit from you standing up for yourself and giving them the chance to see the truth and choose a better lifestyle than their diabolical parent.

(©️ Benjamin Zulu Global)