Tag: grief

Alienated Children grieve in silence

Many alienated children know, deep down, that they have one parent’s love. Often, it is the parent who loves conditionally—the one often exhibiting toxic, narcissistic, or borderline personality traits—from whom they crave affection, sacrificing their happiness and their relationship with the other parent in the process. Children inherently desire love from both parents. A child does not naturally reject a parent, even an abusive one (which I’ve covered in other posts), and needs to be far better understood. ⁠

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The targeted parent, like the child, has likely been operating in survival mode within a toxic home environment. If the healthier-minded parent chooses to leave because the home life has become unbearable—recognising that it is harmful for the child too—the fears triggered in the toxic parent can escalate alienating behaviours, which may have already been in play, either overtly or covertly. At this juncture, if not before, the previously loved parent is demonised by the toxic parent, who now positions themselves as the best mother or father in the world.⁠

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The child, who may have long craved the love and attention of the toxic parent, may become enamoured with the newfound closeness and the secrets (often lies and delusions) shared by that parent. Yet, they are also scared and confused. They might begin to question whether they misjudged their other (target) parent: Have they truly been abandoned? Did that parent ever love them? This internal conflict often manifests as anger or loyalty to the alienating parent, masking the deeper grief they experience. Their grief may not be overt; instead, it can be expressed through rage, confusion, and compliance, making it difficult for others to see the silent suffering beneath the surface. And they probably are not getting the opportunity (little or none), to believe anything other that what the alienating parent is telling them. ⁠

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These negative beliefs, reinforced by lies and the alienation tactics of triangulation (obstruction of contact and divide-and-rule), become ingrained. The toxic parent, now playing the roles of victim and hero, often becomes the child’s closest confidant.

In coping with this turmoil, the child may resort to psychological ‘splitting,’ using their anger and hurt feelings as justification for rejecting

the other parent. They adopt the thoughts, beliefs, and behaviours of the toxic parent, believing they have consciously chosen this alignment without external influence. They think it is entirely their decision to turn their back on the other parent. However, what they receive from their aligned parent is not love; it is manipulation. The alienating parent seeks to use the child as a weapon to inflict the maximum emotional pain on the other parent, removing the beloved child from that parent’s life in the most dramatic way possible.

My posts are here not to alarm or upset but to spread awareness about what’s known as ‘parental alienation’ and to provide guidance to those who are going through it, as I did myself. Apart from these daily posts, which I hope help you know you’re not alone, and to better understand it’s an attachment disorder, a pathology, it’s not you; please reach out if I can help with the coaching I offer.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#abuseinthefamily

#pathogenicparent

A part of me died

It didn’t kill me, but something changed,

A piece of me lost, forever estranged.

I walked away, yet not the same,

A shadowed soul, a quiet flame.

That day took part of who I was,

Left me searching, without cause.

I carry on, but feel the void,

A heart once whole, now destroyed.

It didn’t end me, but I’m not whole—

An echo remains, deep in my soul.

I’m here, I breathe, but truth denied—

A part of me, that day, quietly died.

Divine Souls

Trapped Screams : Grief

Grief

Love with no where to go

Imagine living with a scream inside you.

And the scream is yours.

And no one else hears it.

That is grief.

Imagine living with a scream inside you—a scream that is yours alone.

It’s loud, it’s piercing, and it reverberates through every part of your being.

And yet, no one else hears it.

Grief can make the world feel so distant.

You might be in the middle of a conversation,

but your mind is elsewhere, caught in that scream.

What does a silent scream even sound like?

What would it sound like if someone else could hear it?

Perhaps it isn’t really a scream but a feeling

with sound, one so raw, so painful, so excruciating

that there are no words to describe it,

so it becomes a sound, a noise, a vibration

that rages through our entire body, screaming,

The scream of grief.

Grief

Grief has a way of isolating us. The sort of sadness that overwhelms us with a heavy, aching heart from morning til night-time is hard to move through, and we have to do it slowly, one day at a time.

As Khalil Gibran said in The Prophet: “Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation” We feel detached from the rest of the world, contained in our body vessels and moving through the day as if we’re not really here at all. Who are we now? For alienated parents with their children gone from their lives, they hardly feel like a parent anymore, though they are still parents, most definitely, and always will be. The loss leaves a void. We don’t want to fill it because we want to feel the ‘missing’ and the sadness keeps them in mind. It’s scary to have to rethink who we are and repurpose our lives.

Will we ever feel happy again? Yes. But it doesn’t happen overnight. We find moments. We figure out how to live our lives without the one/s we love. We become unafraid again. We treat ourselves as someone we love. Each day, we take one step in front of the other, and we move forward doing the best we can. And when we need to rest, we rest. Along the way, we do find peace, love and happiness again.

If you are going through parental alienation, know you’re not alone. I’ve been through it myself. Personally and professionally, I have over 20 years of experience. I am reunited with my children and here to offer support with daily posts on social media and also with the coaching I offer. Feel free to reach out to me anytime.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#familycourts

#parentalalienationawareness

Part of me died

“A Part of Me Died”💔

It didn’t kill me, but something changed,

A piece of me lost, forever estranged.

I walked away, yet not the same,

A shadowed soul, a quiet flame.

That day took part of who I was,

Left me searching, without cause.

I carry on, but feel the void,

A heart once whole, now destroyed.

It didn’t end me, but I’m not whole—

An echo remains, deep in my soul.

I’m here, I breathe, but truth denied—

A part of me, that day, quietly died.

Inner Child Wounds

From the lived experience of our personal reality, our inner child wounds certainly are real, as they reek havoc throughout our lives and relationships causing much pain.

Our minds disconnect these traumatic painful events which, during our formative years, we are unable to process in a healthy emotional way. They are pushed into our subconscious minds where they wait, causing disruption from behind the curtain, until we have the conscious awareness and emotional fortitude to re-engage and heal them.

Once we release the emotional blockages, and hence the emotional charge of these suppressed memories, we gain awareness that they have no real power over us unless we continue to ignore and suppress them.

Through healing, we liberate our souls from the shackles of these subconscious mind constructs. The fear, pain, guilt, shame, etc., dissolves as it is incorporated and integrated into our conscious awareness. Once this perspective is reached, and healing is achieved, the memories and emotions are realized as illusionary constructs of a subconscious mind that used them to fortify the ego, in its own bid for control over its own illusionary existence.

The ego, from the perspective of a higher consciousness, exists to create its own illusions of false beliefs to challenge our soul’s full expression, which ego sees as a threat. We believe these illusions are real until we shine the light of our conscious awareness into the darkness of our subconscious ego mind.

The darkness then dissolves as it is brought into the light, and we become whole.

🤍

-JMB

Christmas is hard

I have memories if Christmas that are very dear and a few pictures ; but I’m not attached to it anymore . That took a ton of healing and acceptance.

If Christmas is hard,

If you’ve lost someone dear.

Just look in your heart,

And you’ll know they’re still here.

The star in the sky,

The light falling snow.

The robin outside,

It seems like they know.

If this is a time,

When you’re struggling through.

Just do what you can,

For what matters, is you.

There’s no need to be merry,

There’s no need to bright.

Just do what you can,

It will all be alright.

Unknown ⭐

Artist Credit: Lisa Aisato

Serendipity Corner

#NationalGriefAwarenessWeek

You’re Within Me

I could allow the grief to bury me alive.

Just let the loss of you

crush whatever’s left of me.

But you’re not a memory,

you’re a light still shining.

Burning bright, and something I carry with me.

When I speak of you,

I do so without remorse.

I beam with pride.

I speak of your exuberance.

I give them your energy.

I tell them you were art embodied.

Dancing avant-garde, bold and beautiful. Where you went, sunshine followed.

I tell them that you made life musical.

Every smile, a song.

Every laugh, a celebration.

Your life, your light,

changed me in the greatest of ways.

All the love shared between us doesn’t cease simply because you’re not beside me.

You’re within me.

My skin and bones.

My heart and soul.

The air I breathe.

The sun I stand beneath.

You are all around.

You are everything that made me.

And that sort of light never fades.

I’ll take all the love we shared,

and continue sharing it.

J. Raymond

Poem from The Kindred

📸 credit: UNKNOWN