Tag: toxic

Toxic Women

She’s toxic, right? That’s the story you’re telling everyone now… but let’s back up for a second. Was she toxic when she gave you her trust, completely and without hesitation? Was she toxic when she believed every word you said, even when her gut told her something wasn’t right? Was she toxic when she kept choosing you, over and over, even after you showed her why she shouldn’t?

Or did she become “toxic” after you broke her spirit?

After the lies you told… after the nights she cried herself to sleep wondering why she wasn’t enough… after the silent treatments, the manipulation, the disrespect, the gaslighting. After the texts from other women. After you made her feel like she was losing her mind for reacting to the things you were actually doing. You didn’t just hurt her…you rewired her.

She wasn’t toxic. She was tired.

She stayed through heartbreak after heartbreak, still hoping you’d change, still trying to love you through the damage. But the more she stayed, the more pieces of herself she lost. And when she finally started snapping… when the love turned into survival… suddenly, she’s the problem?

No. You don’t get to break a woman down and then call her crazy for not being whole.

You don’t get to paint her as bitter or unstable when all she ever wanted was loyalty, effort, and truth.

The truth is, you damaged someone who would have given you the world. And now you want sympathy because she’s no longer soft with you? You didn’t just lose a good woman. You turned her into someone she never wanted to be. That’s not toxicity… that’s trauma. And it came from you.

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Alienators are mentally ill

People who are mentally stable—who feel balanced, happy, and secure, and who love and are loved—don’t engage in alienating behaviour. They don’t need to overpower or control others. Alienating behaviours typically stem from fear, unhealed wounds, selfishness, and narcissism. It is rooted in deep insecurity, entitlement, and a relentless need to dominate or punish for perceived wrongs to their ego/character. Narcissistic people lack empathy, guilt, and remorse. They exploit those around them and justify their most harmful actions.⁠

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Alienating parents don’t care about the feelings, needs, or well-being of others—even their own children—unless it serves them. Their relationships are purely transactional. They exploit and manipulate those around them, presenting a charming and sweet façade when they want something, but discarding or punishing people when they’re no longer useful. To the sociopathic character, true kindness is weakness. They see others as pawns in their game, people to use, control, or discard when necessary.⁠

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There is always a price to pay for remaining entangled with an abusive person, and the best approach is to distance ourselves as soon as possible. But beyond distancing, we can empower ourselves by understanding how they operate. Their behaviour is highly manipulative, but also predictable. Their motivation is entirely self-serving. Their needs, wants, and desires are paramount. They have no equal—they feel superior, beyond reproach, and above the law. They will not hear or believe anything that contradicts their worldview. They do not apologise or admit fault. Instead, they twist reality to suit themselves, projecting blame onto others/the target parent. They build themselves up by tearing others down. They fabricate allegations, lie without hesitation, and manipulate conflicts to get what they want.

Unfortunately, those caught in their web often accept whatever ‘crumbs’ they offer because it provides temporary relief, creating the illusion that they might change. But they don’t change. Their anger is a means of control. Their lies and blame-shifting serve to deflect from their own behaviour. Their favourite subject? Themselves. Their friends? People who can boost their image or serve a purpose/enable. Criticism is intolerable. To them, the rules do not apply—they break them, rewrite them, and twist the truth without a second thought.

Remember, the behaviour of the alienating parent is not a reflection of your worth or abilities as a parent. Continue to stand firm in your love for your child, and seek out the support you need to navigate this challenging journey. Reach out if I can help you with the coaching I offer.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach