Tag: Child Abuse

12 year old bullied hangs himself

Let me introduce you to Drayke Hardman.

He was 12 years old.

This week, he hung himself with his favorite hoodie from his bunk bed.

His bunk bed.

“Children are resilient”

No.

They are people.

They have huge feelings and minimal coping skills, because THEY ARE BABIES.

It’s our job to change the narrative.

OUR JOB.

It starts with us, as parents.

It stops with us, as parents.

His story is below.

Let it break your heart.

Let it change you.

Let it change all of us.

We have to do better.

Please, stop right now and talk to your kids.

ENOUGH.

💔 #juststay

“Drayke Andrew Hardman was born to his loving parents Samie and Andrew Hardman on May 26th 2009. Drayke was incredibly loved by his family, he loved sports and had such a kind spirit. Drayke just wanted to be friends with everyone. Drayke had the biggest, bluest eyes. Sadly, Drayke had been experiencing bullying at school. His bully would pick on Drayke for every little thing, but despite this, Drayke desperately tried to be his bully’s friend. His school and parents were aware, and his bully had been previously suspended for bullying Drayke. On Monday, Drayke had come home with a black eye, he confided in his sister that his bully had hurt him. Two days later, on February 9th, 2022 Drayke’s older sister found him hanging with his favourite hoodie from his bunk bed. Drayke’s father immediately started CPR until paramedics took over, after 15 minutes, his heart started beating but the damage had already been done. On February 10th, 2022 Drayke passed away surrounded by his family, he was 12 years old. After his death, his family have started raising awareness for suicide and bullying. Drayke will forever be remembered as a loving boy with a kind heart. RIP Drayke (26th May 2009 – 10th February 2022)”

Please be kind and stand up for others. Be proactive. Teach your kids.

Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 https://kidshelpline.com.au/

Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467 https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/

Headspace: 1800 650 890 https://headspace.org.au/

Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

Lifeline: 13 11 14 https://www.lifeline.org.au/

#draykehardman #doitfordrayke #suicide #suicideawarness #mentalhealthawareness #bullying #stopbullying #bekind

Bullied Children

Bullied children grow up robbed of the benefits of what I like to call their “natural inheritance” — all the positive traits and qualities they possess, are born with and/or work hard to obtain and build. Abusers and bullies (whether they be narcissistic parents or even childhood peers with burgeoning narcissistic and/or antisocial traits) often subject these innocent children to their malignant and envious bullying. They teach their victims to see themselves through the distorted lens and projections of their abusers — they are fed lies about themselves that more accurately reflect the traits of the bullies who know these victims surpass them. Until the victim gets accurate feedback outside of the abusive environment, they often do not realize how intelligent, talented, beautiful, and valuable they are. They are still seeing themselves and treating themselves the way their abusers trained them to do so. They don’t get direct access to benefiting from these traits until they see themselves accurately (i.e. an intelligent child continually called “stupid” by their bullies will usually hide their abilities to avoid being mocked, and due to low self-confidence created by the bullying). That’s why deprogramming these messages are so vital in adulthood — and figuratively/mentally handing back malignant projections to their bullies where they belong. These bullies were describing themselves all along and got to put themselves on a pedestal by targeting a scapegoat that represented everything they did not possess. You deserve the rights to your natural inheritance and to see yourself accurately. 💝

#narcissisticabuse #childhoodbullying #complextrauma #ptsd #cptsd

Reality of Adult Children adapted to distortion

Have any of you had an adult or nearly adult, child make you feel like you’re still living with their parent? My oldest decided at 14, he wanted to live with his dad. At 19 now, with the help of his therapist, has seen through the bs and asked me to move in here. Of course, we opened our home for him, got him a job, have bent over backwards to ensure this feels like home to him. I love him being here, for the most part. He often comes to me when I’m just settling into bed, wanting to start an argument though. Because I stayed as long as I did. Because at 14, despite the lawyer and judge telling me I had no leg to stand on, I didn’t fight for him. There’s so much anger directed at me vs his dad and I feel like I’ve stepped back into that relationship again. ESPECIALLY with it all starting when I’m relaxed and ready to go to sleep. All of a sudden, he needs to talk and I’m the worst mom ever and if I try to tell him we can discuss tomorrow, he’s following me everywhere telling me that we need to talk now. I’m having such a hard time feeling the way I feel about my own child. I love him so much, but honestly, after being free from everything for 5 years now, I can not step back into it. I dont know how to get this across though without sounding like I am not willing to discuss it. I told him the other day, we can discuss all of this, im fully open to being candid and honest with you (we’ve had many, many, deep conversations regarding all of this) but that I could not be his punching bag. That I could not he kept up all night because he was itching for a fight with someone. 95% of the time, it absolutely breaks his heart if he sees me upset over something. He goes out of his way to help me, but that 5% its like he is enjoying the hell out of upsetting me. Pushing and pushing and saying absolutely horrible things and it’s like once he has me weak, vulnerable and crying, he’s ready for bed. Not until that point though. I’m really not sure how to handle this or where to even start?

Alienated Parent Wins

What about the kids?

A win for a parent that has been alienated from his children!
My friend went to court on his divorce/custody case this morning. He has been alienated from his children since he made the choice to divorce a few months ago. Told the children did not want to see him and all of the usual tactics used against him. He was just asking for joint custody. She (the mother) only came to court to fight over the child support. She also brought the kids with her saying they would tell the judge they did not want to see him. Long story short- he saved all the messages and documentation, the judge spoke to the kids alone. The result was him getting full custody and her with zero visitation and she has to pay for counseling for the kids in addition to child support. The judge said it was one of the worst cases of parental alienation AND manipulation he had ever seen. So to all those going through something similar- hang in there, document everything- the truth will eventually come out.

Childress : Second Opinion/ Parental Alienation

Just so we’re clear… for all you parents who are going to get a forensic custody evaluation for $20,000 – $40,000, you can add a surcharge of an additional $10,000 for a second-opinion review by Dr. Childress to correct the misguided errors in the forensic custody evaluation.

AND… I’m going to recommend that your family get a written treatment plan, and for that you’ll need a diagnosis… which the forensic custody evaluation did not provide. Therefore, you will need to get a clinical diagnostic assessment of the attachment-related pathology in your family for about $2,500 – $5,000 with tele-health second opinion.

Hmm, I have an idea… why don’t we skip the forensic custody evaluation and the second-opinion analysis of it from Dr. Childress and save all that money… and START with a clinical diagnostic assessment of the attachment pathology in your family.

You need a treatment plan. A treatment plan requires a diagnosis, the treatment for cancer is different than the treatment for diabetes. You need a clinical diagnostic assessment to return a diagnosis to guide the development of a written treatment plan.

So let’s do that. Let’s get a diagnostic assessment to see what the problem is, then get a written treatment plan to fix whatever the problem is.

We must first diagnose what the pathology is before we know how to treat it. We must first identify what the problem is before we know how to fix it.

Diagnosis = identify
Pathology = problem
Treatment = fix it

Forensic psychology is a failed experiment in service delivery to a vulnerable population. Clinical psychology needs to return. They will refuse, it’s too dangerous. We need to make it safe for them to return.

That’s my role. We start by establishing baseline standard of practice to which ALL mental health professionals can be held accountable.

All psychologists should be applying EXACTLY the same information (the best), to reach EXACTLY the same conclusions (accurate), and provide EXACTLY the same recommendations (effective).

Is there a shared persecutory delusion? What’s the answer? If not, why not? Is the belief system true?

Is there psychological abuse of the child (DSM-5 V995.51)? If not, why not? What more would need to happen for it to become Child Psychological Abuse (V995.51)?

Is there psychological and emotional abuse of the parent using the child as the weapon (DSM-5 V995.82)? If not, why not? What more would need to happen for it to become Spouse or Partner Abuse, Psychological?

Family law attorneys will need to establish the path through the court system – treatment not custody – we want a written treatment plan… for that we need a diagnostic risk assessment for possible child abuse.

Clinical psychologists need to return – treatment not custody. You will want DBT therapy (Linehan) for it’s structure and containment of personality disorder pathology, and you will want the attachment therapy of EFT (Johnson) to inform the court-adapted DBT family therapy.

Market demand. Supply follows money. You’re the solution. You just needed to be given a choice – forensic or clinical – custody or treatment.

Choose treatment to fix things. Forensic psychology fixes nothing – ever. Ask them. Do you diagnose things? No. Do you treat things? No. What do you do? They do forensic custody evaluations for $20,000 to $40,000 put an added Dr. Childress second-opinion corrective surcharge.

I suggest you don’t want one of those. I suggest you want a clinical diagnostic risk assessment – is there a shared persecutory delusion (Walters & Friedlander, 2016; Family Court Review)?

The assessment for a delusional thought disorder is a Mental Status Exam of thought and perception. Do they now how to conduct one? Dr. Childress does. Perhaps they should consult with Dr. Childress.

From Improving Diagnosis: “Clinicians may refer to or consult with other clinicians (formally or informally) to seek additional expertise about a patient’s health problem. The consult may help to confirm or reject the working diagnosis or may provide information on potential treatment options.” (Improving Diagnosis in Healthcare, 2015)

From Improving Diagnosis: “Clinicians can also recommend that the patient seek a second opinion from another clinician to verify their impressions of an uncertain diagnosis or if they believe that this would be helpful to the patient.” (Improving Diagnosis in Healthcare, 2015)

See. Get a second opinion.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, PSY 18857

Erin’s Law – Descriptive accounts of childhood rape

Please when you finish SHARE this to education others and bring awareness to those unfamiliar with Erin’s Law

For those who have experienced a traumatic event they may never be able to go back to that place again. It could be the student who survived a school shooting never wanting to return to the school that carry awful memories. The employee who survived a work place shooting unable to return to work due to the PTSD being back at the scene of the crime they escaped.

Most who have experienced traumatic events even years or decades later can still remember the tiny details of that day like what they wore, ate, and did leading up to the trauma they experienced.

For victims of abuse that place can be the home they grew up in. A relative or friends home. The church or school they went to. A place that was supposed to be safe instead horrible things occurred at.

Seeing these places can immediately bring back the awful memories of what happened there. Resulting in flashbacks, panic attacks, and nightmares. In any given year it is estimated that 12 million in America suffer from PTSD. That number is much higher worldwide.

For those who have never experienced PTSD it may be hard to understand the psychological impact trauma can have. I have had some hurtful insensitive things said to me over the years. A friend as a teenager said, “You are not being abused anymore why can’t you just get over it.” What I would have loved to say is, “I wish it were that simple to just get over.”

A relative said, “Why are you letting him retraumatize you.” That is what is called victim blaming saying I was letting him retraumatize me. Some people truly need to think before they speak. Sometimes the best thing you can say is nothing at all.

Anyone else passing this house in the photo below would not think anything more than just another house in a neighborhood. Some wouldn’t even notice it.

For me it is a house of horror. A place I woke during a sleepover with my best friend at six years old to a grown man on top of me assaulting me. Threatening me to keep quiet about it. I was abused in the family room, bathroom, two bedrooms, and right by the door leading to the garage in this house. The worst occurred during the day when I was in the trusted care of this man. It easily tops the worst day of my entire life.

While playing in a back bedroom he came in and locked the door. This is the part that I WARN you will be hard to read. If you have experienced abuse this might trigger you so you be the judge if you should keep reading.

Behind the locked doors in this house I was held down on a bed. I remember the color of his shirt. The shoes I wore that day. The toys I played with before he came in. His soft spoken voice. The sweat that dripped down his face. The frustration in him when I refused to open my mouth so he squeezed my cheeks together. The anger he expressed when I refused to cooperate. In the past I just laid there when he abused me. This time was different. I was fighting back. It was the only time I fought back when he abused me. For a brief few minutes he got off me and I ran into the closet to escape him. It didn’t stop him from getting me back on that bed to finish what he started.

His hand over my mouth to silence my screams as he raped me. My face pushed into a mattress to silence my screams as he anally raped me. I don’t know what was worse the pain or feeling like I was going to pass out and die due to my airway being restricted. Begging him to let me go.

This kind of evil is not uncommon. It has happened to millions of children. It is going on behind closed doors in homes just like this one.

There are legislators in 13 states who still refuse to pass Erin’s Law. A law that could have prevented me from being raped had I know the first time this man abused me how to speak up and tell. There are children who experienced this same horror I described above who will go to bed still keeping it a secret. Erin’s Law gives children the education in school on learning to speak up and tell if you are being abused.

Luckily I got away from this man when my family moved. Only moving got me that much closer to the next monster in my life. The relative that would abuse me from 11-13 years old in 7 different houses between Illinois and Wisconsin. I only disclosed it because my younger sister told me he was abusing her too. He was given probation.

37 states have passed Erin’s Law. All I ask legislators for is one hour a year teaching kids personal body safety. Empowering kids on safe and unsafe touch, safe and unsafe secrets. Start writing your legislators if you live in one of the thirteen states that have not passed it.

Wisconsin

Arizona

Nebraska

Idaho

Ohio

Kentucky

Kansas

South Dakota

North Carolina

Massachusetts

Hawaii

Florida

Iowa

SHARE this to help educate others on Erin’s Law and the silent epidemic of child sexual abuse. http://www.erinslaw.org

Finally don’t feel bad for me. I am one blessed mama now to three little girls and a baby boy. Married to a man that showed me not all men are evil. And I now get to spend my life putting these monsters you just read about behind bars. These two scumbags may still walk the streets of America but thousands across America have been locked up because of Erin’s Law being taught in a school. Just yesterday a man was sentenced to 45 years in prison after an Erin’s Law presentation and the child disclosed. 👏🏻

This house is no longer there. It was torn down and now a big house is in its place.

Trauma via being Witness to Events

PTSD can occur not just from directly experiencing a severe traumatic event but also witnessing it happen to others, including close friends, family and loved ones as well as being chronically exposed to the details of the trauma of others in work-related settings.

#narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #shahidaarabi