I take not this Dad starts this out saying , ” I pay my ex wife”….
Sir, she’s is in charge of the children you had with her . She cares for these children for whom you pay $60, 000 per year for child support.
Post : This is a Dad’s experience
How did the alienating parent convince the children, despite all evidence to the contrary, of their father’s Scrooge-like lack of generosity and have them believe him to be miserly and mean? Why do children believe the utter nonsense and the lies even when evidence suggests otherwise?
Cognitive dissonance refers to the discomfort or tension that arises when people, in this case, our children, hold conflicting beliefs, attitudes, or values, and when there are two contradictory ‘truths’. It causes the children to psychologically ‘split’ by way of coping.
The children will have had a pre-existing positive image of their father as a generous and caring person based on their actual experiences with him and their inherent desire to have a loving relationship with both parents. But the alienating parent has consistently fed the children negative information about their father, portraying him as mean, miserly, or unloving. The tension between these conflicting beliefs creates emotional discomfort for the children.
Alienating parents often employ the following manipulative tactics to turn the children against the other parent:
Badmouthing: The alienating parent consistently speaks negatively about the other parent, emphasising their flaws and mistakes while ignoring their positive qualities (such as a loving, generous nature and happy times spent in the past).
Isolation/Triangulation: The alienating parent may limit or control the children’s communication and contact with the other parent, isolating them from their extended family. This is also known as ‘divide and rule’.
Creating Loyalty Conflicts: Children may be made to feel guilty or disloyal for wanting a relationship with the alienated parent.
False Accusations: Allegations of abuse, neglect, or other serious wrongdoing may be fabricated to tarnish the alienated parent’s reputation.
Undermining Visitation: The alienating parent may disrupt visitation schedules or make it difficult for the children to spend time with the other parent.
Children may believe the lies propagated by the alienating parent for several reasons.
Dependency: Having been coerced into rejecting one parent, children often depend on the remaining parent for their physical and emotional well-being. They may fear losing that support if they question or reject the alienating parent’s narrative.
Confirmation Bias: Children may selectively interpret or remember events to support their newfound beliefs once they adopt the negative narrative, and seek information confirming their views.
Protective Mechanism: Believing lies may serve as a psychological defence mechanism, to avoid the discomfort of cognitive dissonance and maintain a sense of stability in their family life.
Manipulation: The alienating parent’s tactics exploit the children’s vulnerability and desire for approval.
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