Tag: Children
Mr Rogers Wisdoms
Our sons watched Sesame Street and Mr Rodger’s
I’ve spent the past few weeks living with the words of wisdom from David and Solomon. Maybe that is why I wanted to write about the Fred Rogers documentary. Won’t You Be My Neighbor? takes a fresh look at Fred Rogers and the impact his television show has made on millions of children and their parents. According to a recent CNN article, the movie is just in time because “the new documentary also contemplates the beloved TV host’s battle on behalf of kindness and civility, one whose outcome appears very much in doubt.”
I think it is encouraging that the world is recognizing what Fred Rogers always knew was important. Rogers once said, “Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” One of the points the documentary makes is that love was the common thread woven into almost everything that Mr. Rogers said and did, on and off the screen.
Love is the basis for the 143 Club, a tribute to Mr. Rogers’s legacy. The number 143 was very important to Fred Rogers. He was faithful to swim every day, except Sundays. For the last thirty years of his life, he was careful to maintain his weight at 143 pounds. But the number had another meaning to him. Rogers said, “It takes one letter to say ‘I’ and four letters to says ‘love’ and three letters to say ‘you.’” One hundred and forty-three.
Won’t You Be My Neighbor? is meant to be a trip down memory lane for people, but the director, Morgan Neville, hopes it will also serve as a reminder to people of a more civil time in our nation’s history. There is no doubt that social media has created a level of communication that sends anger, malice, and hatred to people’s devices and their minds at an alarming rate. Mr. Rogers believed in the importance of choosing words carefully, especially with children, because words formed pictures with meaning in a person’s mind.
Those who helped produce the television show, Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood, said that no one could imagine how much thought went into every program and every word that was uttered on the show. Fred Rogers had a nine-step process for every statement made on his show. His producers called that process “speaking Freddish.” One example mentioned by Arthur Greenwald, a producer, was a scene in a hospital in which a nurse was inflating a blood-pressure cuff. Originally, the script had her telling the child, “I am going to blow this up.” Greenwald said, “Fred made us redub the line, saying, ‘I’m going to puff this up with some air.’” Rogers didn’t want the words to sound like an explosion.
Fred Rogers had a degree in music, another degree in theology, and was an ordained minister in the United Presbyterian church. He was happily married to his college sweetheart, Sara Byrd. He never smoked and didn’t drink. His true passion was for the minds and hearts of children.
Rogers said, “When I was very young, most of my childhood heroes wore capes, flew through the air, or picked up buildings with one arm. They were spectacular and got a lot of attention. But as I grew, my heroes changed, so that now I can honestly say that anyone who does anything to help a child is a hero to me.”
Fred Rogers received a lot of letters and was faithful to respond to all of them. One day, a high school student wrote Rogers and asked him what he believed was the greatest event in American history. Fred Rogers’s response to the boy’s question was, “I can’t say.” Then Rogers said, “I suspect that like so many great events, it was something very simple and very quiet with little or no fanfare (such as someone forgiving someone else for a deep hurt that eventually changed the course of history.) The really important ‘great things’ are never center stage of life’s dramas; they’re always in the wings. That’s why it’s so essential for us to be mindful of the humble and the deep rather than the flashy and superficial.”
Fred Rogers wouldn’t be classified as a “big star” by today’s standards. In fact, would his television show be picked up by PBS today? But his wisdom shouldn’t be considered “old-fashioned.” His thoughts and opinions are actually ancient, dating all the way back to King Solomon.
Have you been feeling like your way of thinking is no longer relevant in our changing culture? Mr. Rogers and King Solomon would tell you otherwise. God’s priorities and God’s truth are unchanging. Love, humility, and kindness may have lost some of the world’s esteem, but they will never lose God’s. The prophet Jeremiah wrote, “Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls” (Jeremiah 6:16).
We don’t need to be worried about feeling old-fashioned. Rest on the thought that God’s goal is we would be downright “ancient.” Fred Rogers would tell us to humbly take our truth and our talents to a world that needs to know God’s love.
Narcissist brainwash your children
Adult Children Who Break Your Heart
Memories
I choose to remember you
Not by how you hurt me
But by how you taught me to heal
Not by how you left me
But by how you taught me to never abandon myself
Not by how you broke me
But by how you taught me to rebuild myself
Not by how you dimmed my light
But by how you helped me to shine
Not by how you kept me trapped in a place of comfort
But by how you empowered me to leave my comfort zone
Not by how you left me feeling weak
But by how you taught me what it means to be strong
Not by how you tried to control me
But by how you taught me to be free
Not by who you told me who I was
But by how you taught me to define myself
And above all
I choose to remember you
Not by how you were unable to love me
But by how you taught me
To love myself.

Charlie McCready – An Alienated child doing what it takes to protect the favored parent
An alienated child will often feel a deep-seated need to protect the favoured parent, even at the expense of their own well-being and the relationship with the other parent. This phenomenon can be understood through the lens of “identification with the aggressor,” where the child adopts the attitudes and behaviours of the alienating parent as a means of survival. Similarly, it can also be likened to “trauma bonding,” a psychological phenomenon where people develop strong emotional attachments to their abusers as a means of coping with it.
Despite being presented with evidence of lies or coercion by the alienating parent, the child may still make excuses for their behaviour. They may defensively claim, “But I don’t love them any less,” or assert that both parents are equally to blame for the conflict. This response serves to validate their choices and behaviours, allowing them to maintain a sense of control and security in a tumultuous situation. This response is often a result of prolonged exposure to manipulation and psychological coercion by the alienating parent. Over time, the child internalises the false narrative created by the alienator, leading them to defend and justify their actions to preserve their sense of identity and security.
As the targeted parent, it’s natural to feel outraged, disappointed, frustrated, and dismayed by this. However, responding with explanations or pleas for understanding may only serve to exacerbate things, which you do not want. The child is unlikely to be (immediately) receptive to alternative perspectives, as their loyalty to the alienating parent has been deeply ingrained through time, manipulation and emotional coercion. Instead, it’s essential for the targeted parent to maintain their composure and simply speak their truth, expressing their love and willingness to reconnect whenever the child is ready. By avoiding confrontation, you can create a space for healing and reconciliation in the future, when the child is ready to confront the truth of their situation.
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Things your alienated kids won’t tell you ! / Adult child shares her experience
This really helped me so much today , and I truly consider it a gift .
I emailed it to sons , hoping that this might aide them, as I repeat ..
” I choose to move forward , and will always have one arm pointed
backwards , should positive growth , moving forward, ceasing to target me ,
ends .
A parent recited this parental ‘Contract ‘ – Mind Blowing
Over the past decade, my ex-partner has alienated my twins from me on two occasions, resulting in me losing over three years with them. Throughout this period, I endured numerous court fees, false allegations, and emotional distress. Despite these challenges, I never gave up and ultimately emerged victorious in the final hearing. My teenage sons, who have witnessed the chaos and her narcissistic tendencies firsthand, now desire to live with me. In a surprising turn of events, she has offered to let them live with me. Here is the proposal she has presented…🤣

Contacting estranged children – Charlie McCready
There was a time when text messages and emails were ignored, and I was instructed by the step-parent that my calls and any communication from me caused anxiety and that it was best, for my child’s best interests, to cease and desist if I cared about their happiness. At the very least, I didn’t want to NOT acknowledge my children and send them love (and a present, hopefully) on their birthdays or at Christmas. But I came to find out (long story) that presents I sent across the world were constantly, oddly, not finding their way to my children, or if received at all, the presents, most curiously, got lost or misplaced. Every. Single. Time. It would seem I was not even ‘allowed’ to be a small part of my child’s life on their special occasions. I don’t even know if they knew of most of the things I sent over the years. Have you experienced this too? What to do?
What I did, and I only offer it as a suggestion, is that I wrote the cards, bought the presents, but kept them. I had a spare shelf in a wardrobe. I did it for my own sake mostly. I got to enjoy buying the present, and writing the card, but not sending them. Sending anything was obviously futile. But it was great because I actually got the opportunity to write in an uncensored way, hoping one day, my child would read them. So I didn’t pour out my grievances in these cards, though that would have been tempting and very easy. I wrote about how much I loved them and hoped they were doing something fun on their birthday, or over the Christmas holidays, or how immensely proud I felt that they had finished another year of school … these sorts of things. I think it kept me sane! As I often write, NOT being able to communicate our love to those we love is the most painful experience. So, this was a remedy (for me).
Obviously, the shelf filled up, but on a rare visit home, a holiday that was permitted, I showed my child the shelf in the wardrobe. It was a risky thing to do, because the ‘parental alienation’ was definitely still going on. But during the holiday, after a rocky start, it had smoothed out and the old, happy, close relationship emerged again. The words of love expressed in the cards might have been rejected still, or made my child feel uncomfortable, sad, angry … but they were touched, I think, and delighted with the presents. I must add, it wasn’t ‘buying’ love, it wasn’t the price of the presents, it was the gesture. That I had not forgotten. It’s a little like family court cases that don’t go in our favour. It’s good, at least, that the children will know we tried all we could.
Fast-forward a few years, and my child returned home. I do believe that the shelf in the wardrobe (the cards, the presents) helped me but also helped plant the seed of remembrance in my child’s mind, that there was so much love. I was always there, always thinking of them. There was a shelf in my wardrobe and a place in my heart. Nothing and nobody could ever change that.
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